Kendra

Letter to Granny

2011-10-01T15:26:00.001-07:00

Granny,
You are still here and I'm so thankful. It hit me the other day what a fighter you are. You are the person I think of often that makes me happy. You are a vivid involved memory to me of my childhood. Some don't have that with their grandmas, and that makes me sad. You were MY Granny but I know soooo many people you were their 'Granny' too. You love everyone no matter what. You are to me the picture of what a christian woman should be. You live 20 minutes from me and I don't make time to come see you even once every other week, that is about to change. I have the fortunate blessing that I am still friends with Brian Dukehart. You sent him a birthday card and what you said in it made him cry. People know you genuinely care about them even if they don't tell you. I have memories of you that go back as far as I can remember. You picked me up from school if I was sick. You watched us after school so mom was able to work. You didn't beat me&Steven even when we drew with colors(not chalk)all over your patio&glued construction paper to your concrete basement walls. You came into my 1st grade classroom and taught us kids to candlewick. You were at every sporting event I was ever in, I honestly don't remember you missing ANY. When mom threw her back out and couldn't move, you were the one to come to my 6th grade graduation breakfast. You always had coloring books&games, which I still love even now at 34 years old! I know what a sports nut is because of you and March Madness&Kentucky! oh and thanks for making me a wheel-of-fortune&Jeopardy addict:) I have no clue how you cooked for all those people on thanksgiving&when it was time to eat it was all ready at the same time&piping hot, there were like 40 people there!! You always had your nails done in a frosty pinkish color. I can hear the 'twisting clinky sound' of your rings rubbing together when you are thinking about something. I wonder what you are thinking about so intently. Why didn't I ever ask? You and your sunporch, ha, every morning, even when it was cold, you'd be bundled up in your robe with your bible&cigarettes, it's just how you look to me, comfortable&doing your own thing! Do you have ANY regrets in your life? I know your kids and grandkids are probably your favorite thing about life, and if it isn't, well you always made me feel like I was, so thank you. Gosh, you let us live with you, all of us, one of us, another one of us at any given time, and you always made it feel like home. You cooked the best meatloaf! Oh and your eggs always tasted better than any I've ever had anywhere else. White Shoulders perfume is one scent I will always associate with you, so don't wear anything else, it's just not how my Granny smells:) Anyways, I guess I should not blog all this and I should just call you, nope not a phone call, wouldn't be able to tell you all of this without crying, maybe I'll write you a good old fashioned letter, not a print out from one of these crazy computer things 'you'll never understand!" It's been hard thinking about you not around, I never thought you wouldn't be. Then stupid cancer came on. grrrrrr. I need Granny here. The world needs Granny here...Made me angry, made me sad, made me frustrated...then I also felt comfort because I know exactly where you are going.

shud i have anonymous blog

2011-09-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

i have so much on my mind at any given time, it's kinda sickening. i have things i probably should say out loud. things i for sure shouldn't say out loud. when i get worked up or pissed off, i cry. why is that? and becuz i cry, it makes me more mad and then i cry more because i don't want to cry when i'm pissed and want to get my point across without crying. did you get all that? then, when i type my right hand gets all pins&needley from my loveable carpal tunnel symdrome i need surgery on. don't wanna get surgery yet, that's what i said 2 years ago, because it's my RIGHT hand , my dominate hand, my butt wiping hand, my strong hand and it'll be none of those things for awhile after surgery but then i could type and blog and sleep on my right side without this annoying pain, it's just on the verge of going to sleep pins and needles but not quite asleep, then i get like electricity running thru it sensation too which is more annoying than painful but painful in its own right, don't wanna downplay the pain here cuz at times i wannna scream especially when it wakes me up at night and mama don't wanna be woken up if there isn't a baby hollering for me cuz mama needs sleep or mama bitchy. ok so what was the point of this? oh yes, anonymous blog or not? dammit see, my hands asleep.......kfjadsoifdo[sihsdofasofasuf[osdfij (this is how i type cuss dirty word)

Adele,U make me Happy

2011-03-10T11:34:00.000-08:00

How can just a couple songs make my week sooooooo much better?

new improved kenj3000

2010-08-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

i am no Jen Lancaster or Julie The Wife.....

but I wanna be...
can i perk myself up?
be better?
funnier?
write more?
blog regularly?
would any of this even help?

ok , that was exhausting, nap time.

i'd be a better bloggerKenj if...

2010-08-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

1. My den was upstairs
2. I didn't get on facebook first
3. I could get on the computer whenever I wanted and not just when the Midge is napping
4. my computer was in my den that was upstairs instead of in the basement by where i have to do laundry
5. I thought I was better at it
6. I'd stop just wanting to read others like A DAY IN THE WIFE or JENNSYLVANIA or ALEIGHOPOLIS
7. Mine had a cooler name to it...hmmm...
8. my life was funnier...or I was drunk more...LOL ha ahah ha ha ahahaha

Wanna CRY?

2010-07-22T20:15:00.001-07:00

If you are wanting to bawl your eyes out, listen to Dixie Chicks song Godspeed. I was told they wrote it for a mother who's son was kidnapped. I just couldn't stop crying. Seriously, the ugly cry bottom lip jumping cry came out.

I was having a bad day, so I thought. This song just punched me in the face. What if? God forbid, what if that was me? What if I was the mom with the missing child?
Oh god, please never let me know what that is like.

My emotions today are apparently on high alert, like level 27 on a 10 scale..

oh crap, here I go again.

my BABY is 2

2010-07-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is 2 today. I don't know how to feel about it. I have very confused emotions. I've laughed alot today but have this sense of crying creeping up. It has went so fast. I appreciate so much about her and this age, I'm afraid almost that there are some times I don't appreciate enough. She'll be 19 before I know it. I remember her at 6 weeks old when times where hard and sleep was scarce, and now she's 2. How does that happen? Seriously, she is so excited about small things, learning is fun, sings and dances whenever she feels the urge.

I need to be more like her. I should sing and dance because I want to and not care someone may look at me like I've just escaped the looney bin. Does it matter I cannot sing? I guess it shouldn't. I have some rhythm, I was a former pom girl for goodness sake, so why don't I just shake da bootie whenever I want, even if it's in the middle of the check out lane at Walmart? Wouldn't I technically still fit in if I did that at Walmart? Maybe not Target, that's too top drawer to dance in the check out, but maybe in the Dollar Spot? hmmmm. Something to think about...

You've taught me so much baby girl. You are the coolest. I love you sweettart.
Happy Birthday! I hope you always do your own thing, find joy in simple things, like to learn and dance whenever you feel like it. That is my wish for you on your day.

Book Edward, Movie Jacob

2010-07-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

Team Edward. I am in virtual made-up cougar teenybopper vampire Team Edward club world whatever it is. The Edward Cullen in the books. Not the Robert Pattinson version of Edward. Edward in my head was not Robert Pattinson. I get that his looks are quite vampirey and he is pale so it works but...Edward in my head was not RP, just sayin.
I cannot begin to describe in-my-head-Ed. He was perfect. He was beautiful and MANLY and sweet and romantic and yummy. Rob-Ed just doesn't fit my bill, just doesn't do IT for me.
In the movies the yumminess is Jacob. Taylor Lautner might be 16 years younger than me, but hello, do you SEE that body? Well how could you miss it? He doesn't own a shirt! (Ha, good one Edward) Movie Jacob is not what I pictured either though while reading the Saga, but I offer a shout out to Casting. Woot. In-my-head-Book-Jacob was not as built even when he was on 4 legs, kinda a dorky innocent "kid" with a Bella Crush not a I-wanna-do-you-right-now-in-front-of-Edward Lust. Although the 'banter' (that's for you Jenj, one of your favorite words) between Jacob and Edward over Bella is hilarious in Eclipse. The warm-me-up-with-your-big-beefy-chest-while-there's-a-blizzard-and-The Cold One-can't-warm-me-up is a plus in my book. YuM.
In real life, when I have to choose a vampire or a werewolf, I'd choose Edward, I'm always hot and it would just work ok.
:)

Nicknames for Maggie

2010-07-02T20:13:00.001-07:00

How many nicknames can one kid have you say? Well we stopped counting.
Here are the ones I can think of at the moment, they are ever changin with her attitudes but some I think will be around forever possibly...we'll see...

Baby girl
BeeBee
Sweet Tart*
Honey but pronouncing it is drawn out like huuuuuuuuuknee
Midget
Midgert
The Midge
Midge*
Magnadoodle
Maggiepaloozah
Midget Princess
Miss Thang

*come outta my mouth ALOT.

I've created a monster

2010-06-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

oh my gosh, some of the stuff that comes out of Maggie's mouth is soooo funny.
Some of the things, I'm like, oh no, I say that and now she's saying it. Other ones are all her little precious self!
So we are trying to break her of her pacifier, she used it just for sleeping, then it became pretty much a 19 hours a day thing, just needed it for comfort and I let her, I know, I'm getting The Mother of the Year award once again. I swore I wouldn't let her have a paci at first, then I caved. She loves the damn thing. I give in cuz Maggie's cute and I can't help it, but my caving in can cause more problems for me later and for her cuz then I have to put my foot down. Ok ok, so this is my first kid and I' m learning the hard way, big shocker. Anywho... the other day I put her down for her lovely afternoon snooze with her paci, blanket and 'peeyo'. She got up 2.5 hours later and it was time to hand over the paci. I said, ok nap is over, let Mommy have your paci. She grabs it and gives me 'THE LOOK'. I move her hand and take it from her. She says 'HEY I was usin THAT!". I laughed so hard, I couldn't help it, it was so damn funny and she was sooooo serious about it. I put her paci up on her dresser where she can't reach it, and laughed again when I looked back at her. Maggie looked pretty much offended. She was serious about using the paci and I had taken it from her and I was laughing. The look on her face made me think in her head she was asking 'um excuse me, but why is this funny?'!! I felt a little bad but had the giggles. I said with a grin on my face "Maggie honey , I'm sorry but you're a big girl and you don't need your paci unless you're sleeping." She just stared at me like yeah whatever, you don't know. She pouted a little bit then laid back down in her crib and said "I'm sleeping" and reached as far out as her little arm would reach and then said "paci?". OOOOOOOO smooth one kid, yes lay back down and act like you're going back to sleep so you can have your paci. You're smart, but I'm still smarter in some moments. I picked her, with a some resistance, like no no nap time is over and we changed her butt, got a snack and put on Robots. Who needs a paci when we've got Rodney Copperbottom and Fender?!! :)

Another thing she's saying now is "for a minute" or "a minute". Both of which are from yours truly.
When it's time for bed, I'll say ok, grab your blanket, let's go nigh night and she'll say usually with a hand in the air "I lay HERE for a minute".
We could be leaving to go somewhere and she is dilly dallying out the door and I'll say something like come on Maggie we gotta get going or move it girl or go to the car and she'll say "on porch a minute" or "watchin bird a minute". Pretty much 'a minute' has no time value, she is just telling me to stuff it! :)

Friday by the Fountain

2010-06-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

1st of all, Maggie refused to touch the water in the Fountain. What a weirdo.
2nd of all, the Fountain isn't always on because of the economy. Now that is just sad.
Fridays by the Fountain is a 10 year old tradition in South Bend. It's free concerts on fridays down by the fountain in front of The Morris. From 11:30-1:30 you can enjoy hanging out, listening to free music, buying food if you wish from the handful of vendors, dancing if you dance, water splashing from the fountain if you're hot, shade trees, nice sidewalks to walk or ride your scooter on, a weird double circle sculpture thing that your kid will be obsessed over, old people, young people, people on their lunch hour, moms yelling at their kids, moms ignoring their kids that need to be yelled at and ,oh, the music of course.
Today was Kennedy's Kitchen an Irish Band, who I've seen only one other time, but they are so good. Authentic Irish music, not that I've ever been to Ireland to know for sure but it's what I'd expect a band in Ireland would sound like.
Maggie, Granny and I went. We found some shade and set up camp. Not that Maggie would just sit in the shade and relax, I knew that much going in, but her stoller was comfy in the shade beside Granny. We walked around and around and around the brick circle that went by the band, around the back of the vendors and back up towards Granny. Maggie is lucky it was only 82 degrees and less humid today than it has been the last few days or Mommy wouldn't have been all about the around and around and around and around. Ha. She wanted to see the Fountain, from a distance. When we got up close, she could feel the slight splashes/fine mist and 'no like the waduh'. I thought the nice fine mist was a welcoming break from the heat, but what do I know?! Ok kids on your scooters, watch out, if you hit my daughter, I'm going to break that little scooter over your face, ok I'm ok now, their mom told them what's up! :) Although, the small scooter would be easy to pack in the trunk for kids to take places like this to give them something to do other than trying to lug around a bike or trampoline or something bigger. A scooter, a soccer ball and a football did just fine for almost every single kid I saw there. I'll put that in my memory bank for when Maggie is a little older and gets bored more easily. Right now, she is fine with her chips, her sunglasses and walking around and looking at pretty much everything and telling me all about it. Look Mommy, big truck. Wow Mommy Circles. Mommy look. Come on Mommy walk. Music Mommy. Mommy look at the waduh. Wanna chip Mommy? Hi Grinny(I love that Maggie says Granny like Grinny). Drink Mommy. Is hot Mommy. :)

Good Day.

Go Dame Go

2010-06-19T13:08:00.001-07:00

A morning of routine
...breakfast, breakfast clean up, dishes, throw in load of laundry, put together 3 gifts for Father's Day cookout later on, read 'My Little Girl'to Maggie, watch 'Nemo', change Maggie's clothes after she almost chokes and throws up...
turned into a family outting to buy Moto Moto's Mama this year's ND Football 'The Shirt' for her birthday.
Just a drive to the Hammes Bookstore at Eddy Street Commons was nice. Maggie was trying to sing along to the radio. We hung out in the bookstore for about 45 minutes. Only complaint I have is the paint fumes still lingering in there, but I got over it. They have a children's section with nice little tables and chairs and the Midge was in heaven. She loves "Dame"! She picked herself out a little squishy football and a 'pommom'! She was the shit.
It just so happened when we got there, a new recruit, Bruce Heggie #93, was in the bookstore talking and signing an autograph for the friendly ex realtor worker lady,so Aj shook his hand. This 'kid' was super polite, smiled at Maggie, told Aj 'nice to meet you sir', lady was telling him our winter's here aren't that bad, BH is from Florida (any winter is bad if you're from Florida, just sayin), we didn't know he was anyone of 'vip' importance when aj made a humourous comment to the boy to not listen the the dilusional lady saying our winters weren't bad, but that led to "meeting" him, so it worked out just fine, the few people we came in contact with were real friendly (not my 'other' experiences with Dome related peeps but that'll be another story for another time). That's how we learned that she was an ex realtor who's worked at the bookstore for 10 years yadda yadda yadda and how Notre Damers are soooo nice, Aj told her he has a different take on that when he arrests them, I laughed, but it's true, he doesn't just sell them merchandise with Irish logos on them and books about being more Green...anywho...
Our day ended up being really nice. One of those family moments that makes me smile. Even if it was just a simple trip to the bookstore and a little walk up and down the Eddy block. Maggie carried the bag with her stuff in it and Grama's birthday present, which was too heavy and too big for her, but she owned it, she strutted it, she worked it. People passing by just said oh how cute. Yes, we know, she is adorable and she's ours, sassiness and all and we LOVE it. We think it's funny, but when she's 16 and struttin it, maybe it won't be AS funny?! :) Good day. Thank You. Amen.

Squints

2010-06-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

The Sandlot has to be one of the all time classic best movies ever. It just has to be. Here's why...

It's one of my favorite movies to watch in the summer. Baseball, Boys, some awesome quotes come right out of this movie, Hercules the monster dog (who just happens to be a smooshed face cute Mastiff), a young 'polite' Denis Leary, friends, good trouble making in the 60's, simple life, neighborhood block party on 4th of July, Each boy is so unique(could be any part of any of us if you look hard enough), smores,camp out,Ham, Benny, Smalls and (drum roll please) SQUINTS.

Michael 'Squints' Palledorous!
Is he not the perfect kid? Any mom now would want her daughter to date him. Please please please have a crush on a kid like Squints, Maggie, please. Just looking at him makes me laugh. I love him.
Squints says about his future wife Wendy Peffercorn: I've been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling... smiling. I can't take this no more! It's just a little tidbit into the minds of men...he may have been a boy then, but we all know they still think this way even if they're 47 years old. They never let go of their inner 'Squints'. Who are they trying to kid?! :)

For-ev-ver! I pretty much say it like this anytime my life gives me the opportunity to use the word forever...how can I not say it likes Squints said it? For-ev-ver!

You're killing me Smalls! This is one Moto Moto and i use OFTEN...it just fits in perfectly in so many instances...we use it and laugh...no better way to diffuse a 'disagreement' than laughter, thank you Ham Porter!

If you've never seen it, you should watch it. Now, go.
If you don't think it's one of the best movies you've ever seen
or you don't laugh well then...you're a pee-drinking crap-face!

i can't make this shit up

2010-06-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

It's one of those...

(go to Walmart, get a cart that needs an alignment with a squeaky wheel, I'm too lazy to go trade it out for another cart, the princess wants to stand up in the cart or get out and walk, which doesn't make anything go at a pace I wish to keep, get done filling the cart with too much stuff I didn't even know we needed, go towards the check out lanes, and if you have ever been to WallyWorld you know there are at least 30, don't know why because on any given day there are only 4 open...anyways, there are 2 lanes and self check out open, I choose to stand in line because my back hurts on a daily basis thank you, I'm behind stinky-stretched out bra with holes in it-tank top wearing-scuzz bucket-lady, I'm breathing out my mouth trying not to take in her stench because I'm now blocked in, she gets done buying her cases of regular full throttle pop and Lean Cuisine meals and I can proceed, check out for me breathing threw any hole I choose goes fine, we push the alignment needing cart out, need to pass threw the 8 people in line for the RedBox they placed ever so cleverly at the exit door, stupid, and above movie getters don't exactly wish to move, I say excuse me twice before anyone budges, I push my cart out and it's raining, lovely, and my case of water falls off the front of my cart, ugh so i have to lift the 37 lb case of water an extra time, love that, get all my grocery bags in the cart, get the Midge strapped in her seat, nicely put cart in cart-corral which is right next to our car, I planned that, and jump in my seat to find there is something sticky now on my finger, sticky from the stupid cart handle I forgot to wipe off that I should have switched to begin with probably or it was on my car from someone other loser who wiped a booger on my handle thinking it'd be funny, either way I need a wet-nap, so I bust open my newly purchased Wet Ones that I'd already thrown in the diaper bag and the freakin bag rips, my hand is no longer sticky but now what do I do with the Wet Ones that won't close now, toss in cup holder so it doesn't leak anywhere, back up, almost hit old man, thank goodness i have back up sensors on my car, saved his precious life ha, pull out and drive down MY aisle and some jack ass is flying threw the parking lot, not in aisles, but cross ways over the empty parking spaces, i slam on my breaks and throw up in my mouth a little, make sure my baby's head is attached and no whip lash seems to be present and carry on...what i would do to that guy if i was a person who'd chase him down, just once i'd like to just take my car and go slam into someone like him, jackass, anywho...turn left by Culver's, get a hankerin for a big mess of a burger, but drive on by, take groceries home to make way into house, rains starts up again, right on cue, run baby onto the porch, take 'running' trips back and forth with groceries, a bag breaks and my egg carton falls out, splat, nice, great, wonderful, all but 2 are spared, you're lucky eggs, cuz I just about whipped the whole damn carton into a tree...would that have made me feel better?...anyways, time for nap, thank goodness, God invented naps for days like these. A break after a day of annoyances, smelly people and broken eggs, thank you God for children needing a nap so I can be lost in blog world venting, but grocery list on the fridge that should be empty now has Wet Ones on it AGAIN)

...days.

the faceless man in my dreams

2010-06-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

Like seriously, 8 out of 10 dreams are about some faceless guy I meet...if it would happen to be an R-rated dream, it's usually with this NO_FACE and not my husband. Is this normal? Either way, it's not like I can help it.
In my last dream, my mom and I started going to a new catholic church that met at night. I didn't really like the new church but didn't want to tell my mom, so I just told her I'd rather sit outside in the back of the church where they have a monitor on where I can hear the sermon but be outside. In my dream, she just waved me off like whatever oh clever one. I was sitting back there and looking at the trees and tuning out the sermon because this long-haired dude was back there with me. We finally struck up a conversation...which in dream land I think lasted all but 5 minutes and we were back at his 3 room cottage gettin it on...hmmmm...we had to be quiet though because his daughter was asleep...this man again was faceless. I couldn't tell you one feature he had other than the long hair...I could probably describe every detail of his 3 room cottage though, which is just weird.
Why would I dream of faceless men? Why do I not at least, if it's not Moto Moto, dream of someone I've at least met once in real life? A book character I've conjured up in my head? A perfect fantasy man?
I CAN tell you with 100% certainty that any man I've ever had the hots for has had a face :)

things I miss

2010-06-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't change my life and how it's turned out for anything...I love what God has given me...but there are some things I just miss sometimes...

sleeping whenever I want
going out
watching a movie uninterrupted
not having to plan meals
not having to plan pretty much in general
alone time
having money
being on a sports team
my old pain free back
myself at 140 lbs (and I thought I was sooooo fat, i kid you not)
laying out in the sun (not knowing how bad it was for me)
reading not locked up in the bathroom for a 'quiet' place
my prelude when it had a/c (LOL)
Lucky (such a good dog for ME, he wasn't too keen about anyone else)
wearing shoes other than 'tennies'

I think that about covers it FOR TODAY :) ha

From Paris with Love

2010-06-13T11:40:00.000-07:00

John Travolta just keeps getting hotter and hotter...yummy bad ass...yum...way better than the dancing foo of Stayin Alive...just sayin.

bummed

2010-06-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

first i thought moto moto being off work with knee injury was going to be torture...but it soooo wasn't.
it was really awesome to have him home and hanging out with me and the midge.
he goes back to work tonight...boo...desk duty in dispatch until he's cleared from the dr to go back out on the road...he loves his 'road' job...but he's glad to get to be somewhat normal and work...i miss him already...he and baby girl would snuggle and it would just melt my heart...i have at least ten pictures of them...she is on his lap snuggled up under his chin laying on her side and they just talked and played and looked at 'cycles' on the internet...
wait wait wait, daddy just conveniently had time to brainwash our daughter into thinking harleys are the greatest things on earth...she wanted to watch utube videos of harleys 'dribe-ing' and hearing the 'noise'...she loved it...no for real, loved it...i think she is going to miss daddy being back to work too...
what i thought was going to be on my nerves wasn't, that was a nice surprise...turns out we DO like daddy around more...honey, if you read this, it's so not meant to be mean...you know what i be saying P. We love you.

Inkdreaming

2010-06-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

sorta like day dreaming, but just about what tattoos i want next...can't get it outta my head...i want to fix the 3 i have 1st of all, then add more more more more...addicting...i had a dream about making my star on my back more feminine and i found something i think i could pull off to make it not just cute but super cute...why am i typing in all lower case, normally that bugs me but i'm too lazy to care at the moment...i want starbursts instead of dots on my wrist with some color behind them...i want like 16 more smaller feminine looking star designs on my back...i want a flower and some ivy on my shoulder...i want a heart wearing a pink hoodie...i want at least my right arm to be sleeved...i want maggie's name somewhere...i want i want i want...

ok reality, time to fold the laundry i just fluffed AGAIN.

Brain Thingys

2010-06-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

Stuff on my mind, in no particular order of importance or stress, just stuff I'm always feeling/thinking/contemplating on any given day...

Aj wants a Harley...I would love to be able to just say, here's some cash, go get one.

I want another baby...OR do I? Maggie is at the age now, she's more independent, my back thanks her for that...but then Maggie without a sibling makes me sad...but then we aren't even preggers yet and that'll be 9 months plus 2 years of 'baby' stuff...weight concern...we've been 'trying' and nothing is happening...Is this really up to God? If so, I wanted my two punks closer together...did He not hear that? LOL

Aj has a torn MCL...cure time of 3 to 4 months

I went with him to his doctor appt at my old job of 7 years, so many faces had changed...hmmmm the place did keep running after I left, what a concept...I missed some of the people and my 7 years of what I thought was 'normalcy'...this child responsibilities stuff is hard work...for a minute I felt like a normal human instead of just Mommy...but then I left and I was over having a job LOL...what will I really do when the kids are in school...will i work full time...that'll be hard cuz most schools get out at like 2:30...hmmm...

I think my back and I want an exercise bike, but I don't know...

My 'girly' shirts are all dirty today and I'm wearing a t-shirt with a hole in the pit, um...I can still go out in public right? :)

I need new contacts, box is empty and my glasses bug me, so I'm wearing the dirty gritty lenses that most eye docs would cringe at...contacts only cost $36 a box...but that also means a Mall run is in order...such a pain.

I have a step-sister and brother whom I'm not close to. I'm ok with it, but it bugs me that they don't have a close relationship with Klenith. He's such a good man and I'd like to smack his kids so they see it too. For Memorial Day, they both cancelled after saying they were coming and bringing a dish, just bugs me.

Klen's mom needs hearing aides. Granny is going thru chemo, but better. Whore Number 1 is going blind...I don't want to get old. Seriously.

Our savings is down to double digits and we have 2 bills that needs to get paid somehow, how does THAT work?

I'd like a new cell phone...but then it's just a phone, so should I care?!
oh and a new camera...:)

And do we keep our leased car and buy it...get another lease...trade in for a used cheaper car...i really like not having car worries after i drove my old car forever with car worries...but i don't like my light interior...am i petty or what?...don't answer that.

But all these worries can go right out the window...when last night, us 3 b'burns were out in the front yard...Moto Moto with his leg elevated while Maggie and I were twirling, playing Red Light Green Light and Ring Around the Rosey...and life just sometimes doesn't get any better than those little happy moments...Even if Maggie doesn't 'stop' on Red Light or know to 'fall' on We All Fall Down! Ha

Out the Loop

2010-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

I feel so unattached to the outside world sometimes. It can be a little overwhelming too sometimes. I sometimes think maybe I need more connections, but then in my very next breath, I think, ugh, that gives me major anxiety and I don't like it. Notice I keep saying sometimes, well because it IS just sometimes. I wouldn't change staying home with Maggie for ANYTHING. I don't think Aj and I have any couple friends with at least one kid Maggie's age that we'd just hang out with...when we do have time...we spend time together...at home...quality time with the 3 of us is so important...then I read blogs or facebook statuses (statusi?) of people 'doing' cool stuff. Is it because their kids are older or they have friends? I have a wonderful family, but we're all right here together, so there is no traveling to see them (which sometimes, again sometimes, sounds like it would be fun), there are no lake houses to visit, no big reunions...plus hello, all that cwap costs money too....soooooooo...
Most days though, it's so awesome being close to my family, I can't believe how blessed I am...I get to BE a part of everything that happens with my Nieces and Nephews and Sister and Mom and Granny and Dad and StepKlen...and my friends are right here too...I don't see enough of them...but they are right here and that is comforting...if I made that call, any one of them could be on my porch in about 20 minutes or less...
So what's my deal?
Tomorrow is a holiday. Every day is the same for me now that I don't work, weekends are just more days in the week. Aj's days off are revolving so those tend to be my weekends now for the most part, but I never really feel that oh it's friday, thank god for the weekend feeling I used to get when I had a 'job'. Maybe that is the problem, I need to plan more fun things that don't cost much for us to do on Aj's days off. I need to change it up some, like little things Maggie and I can do differently like once a week. It's nice that Jenna and Will are available too this summer for swimming and the kids playing together, but oh god, Will will be in school. Then Maggie has no "KID" to pal around with.
I'm worrying too much and I shouldn't be. This is easy to fix.
This week, after Memorial Day Parade and a cook out...we get sand for the sand box, we get dirty, we go to the beach, we decorate the driveway with sidewalk chalk art, we go swim, and we NAP hard. :) LOL

da Waduh

2010-05-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

I woke up to Maggie saying go in da waduh...
Jenna got a small pool and we all went 'swimming' yesterday, more like moving around on our knees and the kids jumping all over the place...

Wait wait wait, let's back up.
First we had to find her suit, go to Target for Little Swimmers, get new HOLLYWOODS (aka sunglasses), pink sandals and some dive toys...thank you dollar spot...we love things for a dollar...anywho, Maggie told me before we left, she wanted to 'go shopping at da target'...so instead of going to Walmart, we went to Target, she was so good and happy there. She thought AntGin and Will would be there too and seemed confused that they weren't, but dollar spot made her get over that confusion pretty quickly. She really only reaches for or 'asks' for a few things usually too, this is a girl that knows what she wants...I let her pick between 3 Hollywoods, yellow little flower ones, pink 'adulty' ones and red heart ones. It wasn't even a real decision, she looked at me like duh mom um the pink ones and grabbed them. They are so cute too, they are pretty adult looking, which is so funny. She wore them for about an hour before she thought it wasn't bright enough in the house to keep wearing them. Ha. Sandal trying on was funny. I put on flip flop like sandals, where there was a strap BETWEEN her toes, she said instantly 'not ready mommy no'. Her toes were moving so fast to get that damn strap out from BETWEEN her tootbugs. Ok how about these, they would be so cute with little flowers on them, all different colors, 'no mommy pick one'...so i let her pick. She pointed to the pink 2 strapped ones that had nothing BETWEEN her toots...not my 1st choice, but she LOVED them. She wore them last night after her bath with her jammies! :) The Little Swimmers diapers rocked because they had Nemo and Doe-y on them...yeah, plus they really did work great in the pool. No soggy 10 lbs of wet butt draggin between her legs, which is nice.
Anywho, after lunch we went in da 'waduh'. FINALLY. Mommy waduh Mommy waduh Mommy waduh...hold it child, I'm stuffin my face with pizza, just give me one second please...mommy waduh mommy waduh...
We got in the waduh. She loved it. Natural fish, must get that from Moto Moto, cuz me and water not so much...Jenna's pool is great, it's 2 1/2 feet deep, no yucky lake bottom, so I was in heaven. Ha. Maggie jumped and jumped and jumped...Will dove under a gazillion times...we made a whirlpool...crashed into each other...went 'backerds'...'funs mommy'...Maggie was basically doing some sort of water synchronized dance and singing too...hilarious...back and forth singing and dancing for like a half hour straight pretty much...she only did this because we let her out of the little floaty. Freedom = Performance :)

Humid

2010-05-25T12:53:00.001-07:00

•wetness in the atmosphere
•Humidity is the amount of water vapor in the air. Relative humidity is defined as the ratio of the partial pressure of water vapor in a parcel of air to the saturated vapor pressure of water vapor at a prescribed temperature. Humidity may also be expressed as specific humidity
•humid - Containing sensible moisture (usually describing air or atmosphere); damp; moist; somewhat wet or watery; as, humid earth; consisting of water or vapor
•The moisture content of air
•Moisture or dampness. Complete saturation would be considered 100 percent humidity.

I thought maybe looking up the word humidity would make me hate it less...didn't work. I think we'll be enemies FOREVER.

Road Trip (2)

2010-05-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

We left the trailor park in Mishawaka on March 4, 2001...
Drove thru Springfield, Illinois(Springfield Springfield it's a helluvah town...this would the annoying start to me 'singing' songs with the names of the towns or cities we drove thru). First cool site was The Arch in St. Louis, Missouri. It was just past dusk and getting pretty dark and it was closed, but we saw The Arch. It was WAY bigger than I'd ever thought it would be even after seeing it in pictures. Pictures don't do the real thing any justice.
Off to Oklahoma...been up 24 hours...It was a beautiful sunny morning when we got to Oklahoma...Song: OOOOOOklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...They have the coolest state sign in all of the U.S. that we saw. Sounds so not important, but we stopped to take a picture by it. It was a big concrete sign with landscaping around it. Jenna likes it so much, she left a momento there...should I say what she left? Hell, who cares now, she left her underwear by the sign. We laughed so hard. We were thinking ok, we're OUT WEST, we'll see cowboys and windmills at least right?! Um, best cowboys we saw were on the post card I bought and the cover of my Tim McGraw CD's. The best windmill we saw was really tall but was missing most of it's paddles, what a let down. Ha. But we still took a picture of it. Had to. Oklahoma also had weird road signs. The one we thought was like WHAT? was Do Not Drive Into Smoke. We are Hoosiers, we don't know what that means, but we never saw any smoke to not drive into, so we're good. My personal fave was Hitchhikers May Be Escaped Inmates. Excuse me, but isn't it a time in the world where you just don't pick up ANY hitchhikers, just sayin! Man this is a close 2nd fave because it seems so obvious but it said Don't Drive On The Median. What? Route 66 is in Oklahoma? Route 66 museum, hell yes. We even drove 23 miles to see a big stupid blue whale. A fake one, not a real one if you are confused. Ha Ha Ha. Just so you know if you ever drive on Route 66, it's very scenic, a little lame and it literally dead ends in the middle of nowhere. Literally nowhere. We had to get off it a little before it just ended at a gas station and figure out what road to then take to keep um driving west. Kinda funny really. Route 66 just dead ends.
So. We found some road to drive on to Texas...All my Ex's live in Texas, The size of TX deep inside,Amarillo by Mornin...do you know how many songs have Texas in them? alot, trust me. We drove thru Amarillo. You'd think the picture songs paint of Amarillo that it'd be cool. Amarillo was scary. It was One Huge Cheesy Hilly to da Billy Dump of a place. For real. Dump.
In case you are wondering, we haven't slept yet. We did stop to take a PTA at least once by now though, so we don't stink:) If you are unsure of what a PTA is, think long and hard about it, you'll figure it out.
Yeah, we found a really nice windmill with all it's paddles too. Looked like a picture out of an old west movie, really cool. Jenna was super excited. Jenna, do you see that? Yes. What is it? I don't know, let's go see. It's the Biggest Cross in the United States. We had to take picutures, of course, we knew Granny would have loved to see it.
We didn't actually STOP and sleep and stay in a hotel until Gallop, New Mexico. Why? Not sure. I think we were just having too much fun feeling the freedom of having no where to go.
We'd stop when we wanted to 'see' something or have to pee or eat (again) or fill up with more gas...little honda prelude was pretty good on gas thank goodness...it never felt cramped in that car either, which is weird, cuz it's small...felt cramped after the WHOLE TRIP was actually OVER, but that would be like 3weeks from now...anywho....it's only March 6th now and we're in New Mexico...
Gallup, New Mexico was so pretty. At night we saw all the little adobe Pueblo Indian Reservation 'homes' lit up on the side of the 'mountains'. Super cool. Jenna finally was driving when we hit New Mexico...she was so tired at one point, she yelled "Kendra I need your help, my eyeballs are like stuck!". We still laugh about this. We slept forever in that hotel too, finally got up to leave and we were eating pizza for 'breakfast' at 2:00pm. What is it about this trip that I crave pizza? ha ha ha I swear every time we needed food, we both wanted pizza. Some gas stations had the best pizza and Pizza Hut is everywhere. oh almost forgot my song...just so happens to be Tim...Albuquerque...waitin outta blizzard. We just drove through the ginormous city of Albuquerque in the middle of the night towards Gallup. It seemed to be a nice city if I remember right, but really all I remember was it was like HUGE and Glowing with lights. Before this trip, I didn't know how to spell Albuquerque either, now I do.
Anywho(I say anywho alot forgive me)I wanted to at least see ONE cactus, you know, like a perfect guy with a hat on cactus...not even one in all of the Painted Desert. Ok, I'm sure there's at least one, but not from where we could see from the road and any of our stops. New Mexico is FLAT. Pretty, but flat...with big rock figures out in the distance. Don't wanna call them mountains, cuz they were way smaller than any mountains. I think it was about this point in our trip that we said, ok we can't just drive until we wanna die of sleep, we have to sleep AT NIGHT and drive during the DAY. Ha. I find it funny how we had to have an actual talk about this, like it never even crossed our minds before this...Arizona, here was come, after we sleep.

(...to be cont...)

Making up songs

2010-05-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

I woke up to Maggie not really yelling, but not really just asking for DONKEY.
Donkey is a McDonald's toy Will gave her (because Maggie likes Shrek more than me...awww...is that not adorable). Donkey has a waffle in his mouth. She loves the darn thing. I wish Maggie was just a little older to take her to the THEATRE to see Shrek Forever After because she stinkin LOVES the Shrek movies. Loves Loves Loves Shrek, Donkey, Kitty and Fiona! Talks about them regularly even if the movies are not on. Maggie also really likes to make up songs and sings them. She will just randomly throw in one of their names, it's so funny. Usually she is singing sort of in jibberish but with like every 3rd word a real word. One day, we were out on the front 'poach' singing into the bamboo stick...not safe, I know, shut up...anywho, she is singing...oh wee daddy me and mommy and daddy car lights shrek alklalllah lah lah loo loo weeeeeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeeee mommy eeee auntgin will em fiona ahhhh ewwwwwww...it cracks me up. When she gets to singing and dancing, it's so funny, I pretty much stop whatever it is I'm doing to be her audience. I think she likes that part too. I would say she sings and dances and makes up songs like every other day. She is the smartest kid alive, I know. :)

f&%ckin Barney

2010-05-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is the first time I let Maggie pick out a dvd at the library on her own and possibly the last. There's like 100,000 dvds to pick from right...follow along here...there are all sorts of colors and characters...characters she's familiar with and characters she's not...what on earth made her stoop down and zero in on Barney. We've never watched Barney on tv, we've never talked about a big creepy purple dinosaur, we don't own any Barney dvds or vhs tapes or 8 tracks, we don't put in Barney cds in the car...why would she zero in on him out of all the other ones? There are pink princessy looking ones and Diego and Dora and Big Bird and Elmo...all ones I would have thought she'd be jumping for joy over, but no, she wants Barney. She says 'puhpull one mama'! Like I can say no to that. We check it out. Along with an elmo one I grabbed just in case Barney would disappoint. Did he dissappoint? um, no. She was jumping up and down excited and trying to sing and dance along with the big grape. What the?? Why? I really really really don't like Barney. He's kinda a creepy pedophile like sounding moron. agggghhhhh. So we've officially watched 'BawKnee' 37 times. She was very upset when it was time for bed the first night and we had to turn off above said moron. She was in her crib pouting for 'BawKnee'! Oh god. I being the wonderful fulfill her every happiness mother won't deny her Barney, but why Barney? Elmo rocks compared to Barney, even though his voice, thank you Kevin Clash, gets a little irritating sometimes. But at least his voice doesn't make my skin crawl like I wanna check out the i'm a creepy purple dinosexoffender website!! aggh...ok I'm being a little dramatic, but I don't like Barney. I took the 1st Barney back and got The Doddlebops,The Best of Barney(he's been around like 20 yrs..what?)The Lion King and Monsters Inc....do you think we've been able to throw in anything other than the BEST OF Barney? Negatory. Seriously, Maggie, you are lucky you are so damn cute!

I love Parenthood

2010-05-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly(this time)talking about Maggie here, even though nothing tops being Maggie's Mommy...
I'm talking about after Maggie goes to sleep from 10:00pm-11:00pm on Tuesday nights after Glee is over. I'm talking Mommy time that keeps me as sane as is possible for being me. I'm talking watching a tv show without interruption(usually)...
I watch Parenthood. I love pretty much everything about it so far. The characters are awesome and the issues are real...i love love love it. If I were a wine drinker, I'd pour me a glass and snuggle up by myself on the couch for this one! Since I'm not, I fill my water glass up again and flop down exhausted and enjoy. I have to admit, it's not exactly terrible that at least a couple of the MEN on the show are yummy too.

Tune in.

pain

2010-05-17T11:44:00.001-07:00

pain makes me irritable.
pain makes me sad.
pain makes me irritable, wait did I already say that?
I'm icing my back now and my legs are numb, I should probably get up now and change positions because if I don't I'll be even more 'stiffer'.
I get so sick of thinking about, feeling and talking about my bad back. I'm just tired of it. Percocet and chiropractic care seems to help, but yesterday I went for a walk, about 2 miles, not too fast, not too slow, "ran" across two intersections...we use the word ran loosely here ok...I came home, felt good, stretched outside for awhile, then came in the stretch my back...nothing ever hurt UNTIL I wanted to get up off the floor...I couldn't. It took me about 20 minutes to move from the floor to a sitting position on the couch, moto moto hooked me up with the ice pack and I downed a percocet like nobody's business...made my way eventually to my bad to lay down and take some pressure off. Thank God, I think that is the only reason, other than my percs, that I can move today. Moto Moto was off work last night so he was major ON-DUTY, so I didn't have to do anything other than rest, ice, change position...repeat. Ugh. Back pain really effects the whole body, including my mind. Enough of this already. I'm better, not good. Did the dishes and needed to 'rest'. Got dressed and needed to 'rest'. Did my makeup and needed to 'rest'. Woke up the boy to watch the girl so I could drive myself to the chiropractor...I was scared cuz I knew it would hurt but be a good hurt. I cried to him. I cried during the adjustment and I cried to myself in the car afterwards. I'm just so over this.
Anywho, before the chiropractor, I dropped a book off at the library and ended up buying 3 books for $2 and rented two movies for Maggie and I tonight...more couch time the better...if she's in a movie trance, I can do less moving with my back...so Alvin, Simon, Theodore and your squeakual...well, you'd better be kick ass or I'll or I'll...well I don't know, I'll kick you when I can lift my own leg!!

Doggy Did It

2010-05-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

Maggie pooped on her potty last night. She was 'helping' me clean up the kitchen and said 'potty'. Wait, let me back up, she has said this before and nothing comes of it, she's already gone potty in her diaper or I put her on the potty and she's scared or sits there and acts distracted like what the hell am I supposed to do on here Mommy? This time she said it like um, mom, um, potty, now. She even walked to the kitchen door towards the bathroom. I asked 'you have to go potty baby?' She said 'mmmmhmmm' (yes nod yes nod). So I took her in there, took off her pants and diaper and she wanted her shirt off too for some reason and said 'nakey'. I'm not fighting this, I just go with it. So here she is nakey sitting on her potty, not doing anything, talking to me, looking around, pointing at the stuff in the bathtub...she's getting up every few seconds and I'm saying 'no no honey, sit back down and potty'. She'd sit back down and we'd start the game all over. Daddy by this time has made it upstairs ready for work, so we're all having a potty party. I'm convinced, she won't go. Then, she barely squats to sit and poops in the potty, scares herself, jumps for me, and says 'skeered skeered' and is holding on to me...I am shocked myself and am reaching for the wipes...then she looks over at the potty and says 'doggy did it'. WHAT? Where on earth did she get that? Wait, she has been obsessed with Marly and Me lately watching the Doggy parts...so maybe that's the only poop she's actually seen??? John Grogan is hosing down doggy poo in their backyard looking for Jenny's necklace that Marley had eaten...hmmmm...maybe this does make complete sense, at least in Maggie's little head it did. Either way, she went poop on the BIG Girl Potty!
Now today, not so much. I thought, ok, force it a little more...so before I got her dressed, I asked her if she needed to go potty, she said k...I put her on the potty and nothing...she fighting it, I say ok, we'll get dressed now, just tell Mommy when you have to go potty and we'll come back...she walks into her bedroom with her shopping cart and pees on the floor. LOL. Wait, Marley did that too! :)

food is evil

2010-05-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

I think I have done good on my new eating...'diet'...what I can follow the rest of my life, but the scale sure isn't making me happy. I do FEEL better though...but I want to be dropping some poundage dangit. I think I've had more raw vegetables and salads the past 3 weeks than I have in my whole life...I've 'cheated' some...a BK breakfast sandwich(no hashbrowns like I'd normally HORK down), 5 chicken nuggets and some fries(not large sized or a 10 pack like I'd normally HORK down), and Mom's night out was at Wings, so I had wings. But other than that, really honestly I've cut my portions down big time from what I'd normally HORK down. Ok, enough of the word HORK...if that is even a word...Raw vegetables and fruits keep me full, which is good. Salads and a glass of water before dinner make me eat less of the dinner...if I get hungry, I eat vegetables and hummus or some almonds...BEFORE I'd HORK down, oops, I used HORK again again again...Before, I'd have slammed back some chips any kind but usually doritoes and thought nothing of it...so exercise must be where I'm lacking, other than going outside with Maggie and walking, I don't do much because of how my back feels most days, so next Monday...maybe the Monday after because I'm a taxi service this week with alot going on...I'm going to start, even if I can do 7 minutes, p90x. I will avoid anything that aggrevates my back, but I can fast forward thru those. Something is better than nothing. Instead of sitting on my doopah while Maggie naps on the computer, I'm going to change into my work out gear and do SOMETHING physical while she is napping...Moto Moto did his 1st 6 days of p90x and of course I wanna punch him because he seems to have the motivation and focus I'm lacking right now, plus a 5 lb weight loss. Boys suck, Ha Ha Ha. I can't complain though because Moto Moto is on board with anything I'm cooking. He is just trying whatever it is and not having seconds and not complaining. Most men would be like where are my meat and taters, but he's doing really good. Which should make this NEW life style easier, but I'm,for some reason, still struggling...maybe I should chuck my scale out the window, wait none of our windows open to chuck the scale out of...ok maybe I'll put it under my tire when I'm backing out of the drive way and crush it??? Either way, I don't like what it says to me...everything I've ever read, says make a few changes and wow look at the results, apparently, they aren't talking to me. I feel like I've changed ALOT and I've lost 3 whoopteedo lbs. Anywho, off to chew on some celery, have a lovely day why don't ya :)

Princess ToughinCakes

2010-05-07T11:06:00.001-07:00

Maggie...she really cannot be defined. She is so sassy and her own being. She isn't me, she isn't Aj, she is ONE person all her own...sure she has qualities of ours, but really, I look at her and think you are such a cool person. She is a mix of girly cuteness with a sprinkle of toughness that's just about right. She can hold her own. She knows what she wants and how quickly she'll get it. The Sassy Stink in her is hilarious most times to me unless directed right at me with disgust in something I should not be telling her NOT to do or to do. Hello, I should know she'll do it when she's gosh darn good and ready.
She has lately been a little multitasker when carrying things, she will tuck at least two things under her arm and fill both hands up...used to be one thing at a time, back and forth back and forth...It could be moving the UN-LIT(unlike her aunt)candles from the holders to the table across the porch or her 'food' from her shopping cart to the table to have pretend cuisine...no more than a couple trips now, she's a busy lady and has an agenda to keep. I love this. It's funny to watch.
Today, I'm leaving to pick up the Fireman Rain Coat wearing nephew from school and Maggie says "I go too mhhhmmm"...I had every intention of taking her with me, but she tells me what she's doing and what black pat-n-leather fancy princess shoes she is going to wear while we do it! We picked Will up, go to the bad bad bad for you golden arches quick food for lunch place, go to my sister's for the kids to chow down their chicken nuggies and get their toy out of the happiest meal ever bag...anywho, midgit sees AntGin painting her nails after lunch and she says "fing-goes antgin, pretty!". Miss Thing needs a manicure apparently:) So, I painted hers, she is so cute, she really thinks it's pretty. She grabs my hand and says "mommy pretty", now I guess I need a manicure. While our nails are drying, she holds her hands out like a WOMAN to dry and says "don't touch". So, they are dry enough by her standards and she's on to the next thing...seriously chucking crayons all over the living room with Will. I mean chucking them! Ha. So wahlah, today we have Princess ToughinCakes!

4 colleges NO degree

2010-05-06T12:31:00.000-07:00

I was reading another blog about a college professor, which switched my brain into, you are a loser Kendra, you went to 4 schools with nothing to show for it, not even the loan bill anymore cuz you paid it off(not that I'm really complaining about that one, thank you god that is over really). I went to Butler right out of high school, for one semester. I didn't really like it there. I had a boyfriend at home and my parents were in the process of 'splitting'...so every weekend, sometimes thursday night, I'd skip my one or two friday classes and I'd drive the 3 hours home. It take me long to figure out I'd finish out the semester and come home for good. Only thing I liked was my German professor who looked like Santa Claus, the cute boy in that class that brought me a sucker and asked me out, the 1st Frat party I'd ever been to, McDonald's run for LARGE diet cokes with Sara for Monopoly pieces, coloring for stress relief while my roommate and her boyfriend studied WAY harder and MORE than I did for tests, worked late afternoons at an Ad Agency in their basement doing data entry and mail where they specifically pointed out that the extra fridge was for after hours beers(should have stayed there hello), the pretty drive when I got close to school with all the rich people's houses, the ghetto street behind campus and Broad Ripple.
My 2nd school was Purdue North Central, LOVED it there. Close to home, made a nice friend to meet up with for lunch and to study with, good professors (except one nazi, more on that in uno momento), nice little campus, the drive to and from school from New Carlisle was relaxing, classes Monday thru Thursday...History Professor Nazi was well a friggin jerk face. He was known for 'failing' people, calling on people when he thought they DIDN'T know the answer, putting in a movie and leaving the classroom, 'locking' the door if you're late etc...well I hated him, he made me so angry and there was nothing I could do about it except GO to CLASS and ACT like I knew everything, read and re-read chapters before class, take good notes...well, no matter what, he'd call on me when I didn't have a clue and make me feel stupid...then we had a blizzard, a lake effect Indiana blizzard...I spun off the road on the way to school, knew I'd be late for his class but still decided I'd go because it would be pretty obvious to HIM that there was indeed a blizzard outside and my 'excuse' would fly...it didn't fly...I came in and sat down and he was like SO NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US...did I mention I was only like 6 minutes late considering my toyata tercel hatch back had slid off the road and I drive from New Carlisle hello...I said I'M SO SORRY, I FLEW OFF THE ROAD AND IT TOOK ME DOUBLE THE TIME TO GET HERE BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS YOUR CLASS(threw that last part in there for kicks)...he pretty much gave me shit for 10 minutes about how I should have accounted for the weather (which I thought I did) and how it's not responsible to have his class held up on my account BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Jerk. I got a C in his class, dammit, but I passed and I never had to see him ever again!!
My speech professor was a a lawyer and was so cool. My Sociology professor was like a groovy mad scientist that made me want to change my degree, he made everything so interesting. The neGAHtive NOOMbers Astronomy teacher I learned to love after I could understand him.
IUSB was my 3rd school, I pretty much didn't like it, not the school, but the situations(a stupid boy)in my life, I saw school as a pain...bad attitude on my part...I went but didn't enjoy it like I should have been...decided I was bored with Elementary Education classes and decided I wanted to do Speech Pathology and for that degree I'd have to trasfer to a different school...I believe if I remember correctly I took some time off, worked and prepared for leaving..seriously breaking ties with aforementioned stupid boy...anywho...
Ended up at Purdue...Purdue really is a great nice beautiful school. I felt too old to be in dorms and too broke to be in an apartment, so I chose to live in a Grad House. I had a single room, thank god, because once I lived there for a day, I realized the whole damn place was full of stinky foreigners. I have nothing against them, just the smell of the food they eat. Oh my, I stuffed towels under my door to help block the stinky rotten dirt smell of the food, which even if they weren't cooking, lingered. So many good and bad things happened while I was there. I liked my classes, felt really challenged by them, liked having my focus on speech pathology. I took sign language and never thought it would be so hard not to talk and to get my hands to move, boy was I wrong, it was so hard. My professor for my hearing classes was so hard on us and seemed to test so hard, I'd feel sick before my tests....I don't test well under normal circumstances, but she made it even worse...but I LEARNED so much from her. Jenna would come to see me ALL THE TIME, stayed in my room with me, we had so much fun...like a glove drunken nights...parties...it was just fun. Decided she was going to move down, we moved to my uncle's house to save money then to a kick ass apartment...little by little money got tighter and tighter and bills were getting the best of me, jobs sucked, too much time to work and for not enough money, first waitressing job was at Texas Roadhouse, hated every minute of that, worked for a call center(I don't know how people make it in call centers)...work was more important than school to keep up with my bills...I took a summer job at my first and last factory, left at the 1st bell for break because I was literally bloody and scared as hell...I think Jenna and I went to a movie that night instead. Ha. Found another job as a night auditor for a hotel, it was an alright job, my boss was super nice, but the job itself was soooooo boring...I'm not sure how it happened, but we decided to move home. I was going to TAKE A BREAK from school and pay off my bills and then go back to PNC or IUSB...
Well peeps, as you all know now, THAT didn't happen. LOL. I worked and drank alot, worked some more, met AJ, got married, had Maggie...and now I'm the happiest I've ever been doing the hardest job I've ever done!!!

my vote

2010-05-04T11:47:00.000-07:00

Here's what gets my vote today:
1. Republican ticket
2. Randy Peppers for sheriff
3. Maggie out in the sunshine
4. Maggie driBing her 'car' out in the sunshine
5. Will wearing alot of orange
6. Em going to school even though she doesn't want to RUN today
7. sunshine and a nice breeze so it's not too hot
8. sunroof open and music up a little louder than normal
9. Will singing 'STRUT STRUT'
10.Maggie laughing at Will singing 'STRUT STRUT'
11.Broccoli slaw
12.Diet Coke

Here's what doesn't get my vote today:
1. Having to choose republican or democrat ticket, I just wanted Randy to get my vote and he happens to be on the republican ticket. I don't want to be in a category.
2. wet grass even though the sun is shining
3. not looking forward to blinking and Maggie really driBing.
4. Em being GRADED on running
5. summer coming with a vengence and it'll be so HUMID
6. Will knowing what STRUT means ha ha
7. Maggie having any self conscience moments and not just laughing at what she thinks is funny.
8. McDonald's only taking cash this morning for whatever reason, so I couldn't cheat on my eating healthy plan like I wanted to. BK didn't do the trick, DAMMIT.
9. no cold diet cokes in the fridge, I like it out of a can, not on ice. grrrr.

:)

LBS

2010-05-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

When I see lbs, I cannot say pounds, I ALWAYS say "ullbbzz".
I also say a few other things 'wrong', which at some point or another I've been called out on and I find it funny...I didn't realize how I said it wasn't exactly right, I see in my head the word and it's correct to me.
Anyways, I say golf with no L "Goff"
I say Penguin with an I instead of an E "PINGguin"
I say chocolate with emphasis on an A sound that's not there "chaacklit".

Well maybe you say stuff that's wrong ish too...think about it.

I know someone who says panAcakes for pancakes, when clearly there is no extra A in there. Same person says ruin like ROON. I know someone who says onion like UNGyun. That is actually quite hard to pronounce it the way they say it, it's way back in the throaty sound...
See I'm not the only one, mine are endearing, yours are stupid. HA HA HA LOL
:)

this I know

2010-05-01T11:34:00.001-07:00

I know I don't like having conversations with strangers or people I don't know all that well...or neighbors...am I mean? No, I just really don't care that much about your life. In the time I could have been just having quality relaxing outside time with Maggie...well the neighbor was walking by and made himself comfortable.
I learned all kinds of shit I could really care less about. His sister's 1st husband is dying, her two older kids are in the military but on leave because of him dying, her newest daughter with her 2nd husband didn't make it to the bathroom last friday and he had to clean up poop, she is under weight for her age, she just turned two and she already has a nephew, his hands are really dry because of lifting something or nother at work, his dogwood tree had pink blossoms one year but now they're white, he usually gets up at noon, his cousin had nose surgery...BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!
What I got out of this? Nothing, except I was really grossed out by the larger than life vein on the top of his knee and I couldn't stop staring...oh sorry, hmm, what did you say? I can't peel my eyes from the alien snake trying to escape through your knee...ugh

Big Rocks not Golf Balls, but you get the point

2010-04-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

The Mayonnaise Jar (from Aleighopolis. This is a story I've heard before and wanted to share this version)

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and start to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again
if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions
Things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff..

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend..'

greens not so smoothie

2010-04-25T12:04:00.000-07:00

I tried my first attempt at having a 'greens smoothie'...if you can get past the color, which I have to say right after changing a dirty baby butt, it's not that easy to do. The color is less than desirable. Is that why Doritoes are not stale baby poop green? Um, hello.
All I have to do is drink it, first taste, hey, not so bad, mostly tastes like the one banana that I put in it. Weird, so thought it would taste like spinach. Banana-y.
Ok about an inch gone out the glass, room temp smoothie, not so good, so I put it in the fridge for ten minutes and added some ice cubes.
Another inch gone, ok the grainy dirty banana is starting to not go down so "smooth"!
Can't do it. I think for real, I'd rather eat a wheelbarrow full of raw spinach or cooked liver and onions topped with tomatoes for that matter.
Can't do it. The last part went down the disposal side of the sink and the other cup I was going to have tomorrow, well went out in the trash I had just bundled up full of cat poop from the litter box...hmmm..cat poop...more appetizing?! Ew.
Anywho, I'll give the smoothie ONE more try, the chocolate one, if that sucks, you can't forget it. I'll eat my veggies raw and in volumns instead of trying to get the most bang for my buck in one cup full, cuz uh...Me no likey.

Walmart Fashionista

2010-04-20T12:58:00.000-07:00

With my birthday money, I bought 6 shirts,2 pairs of capri pants, 1 pair of bermuda shorts, an orange purse, black sandals, sunglasses and a pair of hoop earrings!
I rule.

I needed clothes for my lovely round figure that I'm sportin...last time I lost weight, I gave away all my FAT clothes of course with the intention of never needing them again, isn't that the idea? Well I have to look cute even if I'm fat...hence the walmart trip for clothes...

I got a really cute pair of sandals for my bday too...which I couldn't bend over to buckle, I literally had to have bff and sister clasp them for me...soooooooo

33 is a brand new me dammit.

BDawg got me the book set "Eat for Health", which he gave to me early, I browsed it...today, I actually picked it up to READ it and APPLY it.

I also did day one of walking and being more active. Phew, I'm out of shape. The first hill was a breath thief...but I made it. Can't beat myself up for trying. I have to do this, I just have to stay motivated. My back will thank me. Plus, shoes will be a thing I can put on all by myself like a big girl, wait, I mean a little girl:)

I'm an 'old' person

2010-04-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so...in a few days I'll be 33. The number itself I could care less about.
But I am still wondering why I don't have everything figured out yet.
I 2nd guess myself alot, I have no stress relief/coping mechanism that don't involve alcohol in some way, I fight with myself over eating and exercising, I have no "real" hobbies, I don't 'schedule' my days, I don't 'schedule' activities...does this all mean I'm wrong because alot of people do or does this mean most of the time I'm laid back and dont give a rat's ass and I live in the moment????
hmmmm and i find myself wanting to 'learn' new things...I'm not musical in any way shape or form...so it's not like I'm going to go buy a guitar and start strumming away...I'm leaning towards learning to quilt, knit or crochet...does that just scream old woman or what? I can see it now, Jenna will call and be like 'hey washyadune tonight?' and I'll say 'meeting the gals in my knitting circle'...aaaaaggghhhhhh LOL. Last time I learned to crochet was long enough ago, I haven't a clue now, I still have a half started blanket and the yarn in a bag...and my carpal tunnel kicked in, so i stopped...hmmmmm
Some people seem to think exercise classes, activities, running, walking IS a hobby. I've never thought of that, man I'd have to really wrap my mind around that one!
Moto Moto CuppinCake wants me to SHOOT or COACH him...hmmm...another thing that isn't exactly blowing my skirt! But I've never done it or tried it, so I don't know. I've shot with him once and it was fun, but I didn't pine over it like he does and want to dedicate my whole basement to shooting, ammunition and all the paraphernalia that goes with it, ha.
I love reading, but with Maggie it can be difficult to fully ENJOY it. I have resorted to only really reading in the bathroom or right before I go to bed (if I can hold my eyes open for even a chapter). I ENJOY the HUNT for the book at the library sometimes too, probably just the alone time I get that I really enjoy but I find it fun.
I love watching movies, all kinds of movies, depends on my mood...I've been known the stay in jammies all day and watch movies literally from the time I get up to the time I go to bed. That was in my pre-married days, but it has happened. Aj's nights off are usually our movie watching nights after Maggie goes to bed, it is so nice to not have to pause or put on subtitles because the Midgit Princess is needing our attention:)
Anywho, I enjoy alot of things that are pretty simple, so really why on earth do I even care what everyone else does or doesn't do, take my no 'real' hobbies and shove them up your chocolate wizzway! LOL
Okay, so now I'm gonna go stir my crock pot chicken stroganoff. Which reminds me, that more and more, I like cooking....uh oh, don't let that one out though, for anyone who knows me at all knows I must be out of my mind to even type that:)

How do I say this?

2010-04-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

This isn't it. This is not the end of your life. I am, we are, not going to let you just give up. Why would you want to just give up? Are you really ready to leave?
It's not over yet, so why are you acting like this?
I always thought you were such a strong person, I know not just one horrible incident should make me think I was wrong but, it's hard to watch.
I never ever ever ever knew you were so stubborn. Was it because I was a kid?
Wow you are stubborn.
Are you using this as your time to be taken care of because you always took care of everyone else?
I know this cannot be easy, I know this is hard to 'deal' with, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, but man I hope if this ever happens to me, I don't do what I see you doing. Sounds heartless maybe, but I thought this would go differently because of the kind of person you are, your strength through other difficult times in your life and your huge love for Jesus. Is that why this is going this way? Are you just ready to be in heaven? Well, I'd like to say put on your slippers and stay awhile longer. I want you to see more of Maggie. I want you to be around longer. More basketball games need your hootin and hollarin... I want... I want... I want....I know, it's not about what I want...but I'm not about to give in that easily dang it and just let you go...
I keep praying you'll just snap out of this defeated state...no one WANTS to feel defeated, but you're acting like you don't care....this is very confusing.
I love you so much and I can't see this being how you'll leave us, we need to see YOU again before you go.

GOOD quote (from Stacey's blog)

2010-04-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

“If you are going to leave here and regret not doing it, then you should do it, but if you will leave here satisfied with your decision then by all means, don’t do it.”

I don't know who told Stacey this, but I like it alot!
It's good for kids and adults and every being in between......:)

Sober

2010-04-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Aahh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?

Aahh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
Aahh, I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

Comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry
Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

How do I feel this good sober?

Easter Grass

2010-04-05T10:40:00.001-07:00

Maggie was way more "into" Easter this year, not that she gets the actual concept of what it's really about, but she liked getting all the candy and gifts. We could have all saved some money my just buying her easter basket grass though, it was everywhere. We picked it up in individual pieces, we put it on our head, we threw it in the air, we put it all back in the basket, we dumped in out in one clump, we ran our fingers through it like hair, we picked up little clumps from the big clump and took it into another room, we spread it out like a walkway, why walk thru it when you can run?

Two days of Easter Basket Grass is enough for Mommy. Sorry kiddo, you are napping right now and I'm putting Easter stuff away, including your precious grass strewn all over the house. If you even remember it's gone, you'll eventually forgive me, but Mommy's back can't handle bending and stooping even more than usual to pick up your mess.

I think she also got more candy than she did from trick-or-treating this past Halloween...hmmm...1 easter basket, 1 easter tub, 1 beach pail and 1 bunny bag...filled to over flowing with eggs, candy, GRASS, stuffed animals, movies, coloring book, crayons, bubbles, noise making lamb, poopin chicken, "i dont like it" jelly beans to spit out and plenty of chocolate for Daddy to help her with.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season...and Madagascar movies from the Easter Bunny...how in the world did the Easter Bunny know Aj and I wanted the Madagascar movies too? Now that's just plain weird.

Road Trip Start

2010-04-03T12:48:00.001-07:00

I was in a bad place, working for a weirdo guy at 'Ghetto Optical', getting paid like a grunt worker, living with my mom and stepdad in the trailor and drinking alot and feeling like a loser, wanting my life to take a turn, want to marry, have kids and be on my own...watching TLC's A Baby Story after work never really helped that either, made me more sad, watching my ex find yet another girl to date, feeling alone in my feelings....led to a 2 hour decision to up and just leave, drive away, go start somewhere new...so as I'm in this hell of a decision, Jenna comes home from her job and is like I'm in. So we went to Barnes and Noble, bought a map, I believe we flipped a coin to go west or east, loaded up the trunk of my Honda Prelude with clothes and some necessities, told Mom and Ken we were leaving and didn't know if we'd be back...Mom cried and tried to stop us (If Maggie does this to me when she's older, well...I'll cry too, but I'll get it, but please God, No, don't let her get to THIS place)...we loaded up the cd player and we left. I told no one other than Mom and Ken, I knew someone would try to talk me out of it. In my head, I wasn't scared, I was excited to do something different and unexpected of ME. This feeling of you only live once just kept me thinking why not? What if? What's the worst that could happen? What? It ends up being a flop and you come home? ...well then I'm in the same place that I am now, but I've seen the country! I think we left sometime in the late afternoon. We went to the bar Jenna was working at and sold her car to some dumb kid that didn't have one so we'd have more cash for the road. Ha. I left my key to Ghetto Optical for Mom to mail to my boss. Wow. We drove all night, talking, singing, anticipating, having no clue where we were actually going...
The BEST Mistake I ever made...to be continued...

blog jealousy

2010-04-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

I read these totally cool blogs and think mine is so lame.
I have nothing exciting to really say and I sure as hell am not a 'writer'....
so here goes anyways

wow alot has happened in the past few weeks.

Granny has stage 3 ovarian cancer, has had 2 surgeries and is still in the hospital. Which has led me to thinking about a tattoo for her, but this isn't about me in any way shape or form, but a tattoo representing my Granny would be cool, she's influenced my life soooo much. When I think of Granny I think of LOVE. I think of God. I think of Yellow Roses, March Madness, playing games, reading books...how do I combine all my thoughts of Granny into one tattoo?...must think more on that...

I got an early bday present from my good friends, two books on making over my mind and my body....think they were calling me fat? LOL...anyways, made some pretty good choices, changed some food habits, cut down on my volume of food, eaten more vegetables lately than I have in probably two years... and gained 3 lbs, fabulous! (probably 3 lbs in beer)

Maggie is growing up too fast. She is talking, walking up stairs (almost un assisted), running, starting up her 'car' with her 'keys', coloring, 'writing' with crayons(very fancy circley things), eating much better, taking usually 3 bottles a day(which she just asks for), getting familiar with her 'potty'(not going ON it yet but we sit on it and read), dancing ALOT(aj turned on techno the other night and wow she went nuts)...took Maggie up to see Granny twice now, first time I was walking with her down the hall and realized I didn't have to lean over to hold her hand(got a little choked up on that one)...she loves being 'aside'(outside), points out the 'bird fly' and the 'treeee' and 'rock' and 'cars'...last night, since it was 83 degress in Indiana in April, I took her outside in the back yard to run around...she learned to 'climb' the stairs and 'slide' down the slide on her swing set(Mommy helped but man did she think she was hot shit)...which made me realize, I don't have to bundle her up to go out, but I have to apply sunscreen...I'll have to give her a bath probably every night if she plays outside...her tootbugs were so dirty from having her sandals on all day...not that I mind her getting dirty and playing, but my back and baths don't really like each other all that much...

I guess that's it for now...I think I'll have an adult beverage and watch Chelsea Lately...

Southern Mama

2010-03-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

Granny's Mama, who was a mother of 10, would tell her kids
to 'go outside and do something, even if it's wrong'!!!

:)

Granny won't be here FOREVER? What?

2010-03-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

From Jenna's blog(couldn't explain it any better so I done stole it)
Yesterday I found out that my Granny is sick. She's been having stomach pains for 2 weeks and finally went to the doctor who rushed her to a ct scan. Results are not good: she has free floating fluid in her abdomen which is causing her stomach to pooch out abnormally (I have that too I showed her and she laughed), a tumor on her ovaries, nodules in her lungs and her liver looks bad. These are all symptoms that point to cancer but she has to have a fluid draw in 2 days to find the source of the problem. If the source is her girlie parts -GREAT- they can be removed...she's not using them anyway. If it's her lungs, stomach or liver then -NOT GREAT- she has to breathe, digest food, and well, I'm pretty sure a liver is important. She's already talking about not taking chemo treatments due to watching her sister, Lethie, die of ovarian cancer and she had chemo for over a year and never got better, just sicker. She said she'd rather go see Jesus sooner anyhow because she knows her mom and dad are gonna be right there behind Him. Talk about tearing my heart out!

Yeah M'Hmmmm

2010-03-10T11:41:00.000-08:00

Holy cow, in the last like 2 weeks, Maggie is talking up a storm.
Saying just about everything and pretty clearly for that matter...

Grampy is DRAMPY
Door is DOER
What you doing is WASHYADUNE
Diaper is DIEPUHR
Poop is POOPIN
Potty is PAHDEE
Bottle is BAA-UL
Sleeping is SEEPIN
Granny is GRANNIN
Jenna is AUNTGIN (all run together sorta sounding like engine, too cute)
Who's this is WHOSSIS
What's that is WASSAAT
Chocolate is CROCKY (we have no clue where that came from)

Oh crap, just pointed at a banana and said APPLE but it was very much APPLE.

She really knows what the difference between yes and no is too. I'll say do you want to go get in your jammies for bed and she'll say Yeah M'hmmm! YEAH M'HMMMM is my favorite thing she does right now. She nods her little head and says yeah m'hmmm and she is mrs. serious about it too!

Brilliant... I say... just brilliant! :)

better blogger

2010-03-10T11:40:00.001-08:00

i know for a fact i have more to say.
i have alot of thoughts all day long.
why do i get on here most days and go blank?

seriously, why can't i just say whatever?

Picture of Myself

2010-03-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

wow
open your eyes Kenj
change
do it
get on it

you
are
a
fat
girl

no hiding it

so Jillian Michaels, wanna come hang out?

Mommy of a 20 Month old!

2010-03-07T11:36:00.001-08:00

Now Maggie is calling me Mommy instead of Mama...
She is saying everything now...she even knows a whole book...she can say what the pictures are without even blinking. Hello, genius:)
She will be 20 mos old in a week. What? I'll have a 2 year old this summer!?!
Excuse me , but where did all that time go already?
Holy.....lfksdlfkdjskjj!!
Some days I'm bored, some days I'm irritated, some days are just perfect, some days are a major challenge and when I had those days like oh my am I going to be able to do THIS?....here we are almost 2 years has gone by.
I never wished any days away but if feels like it because it went by so fast.

Heavy Heart

2010-03-02T12:10:00.000-08:00

While I was out enjoying life and a Tim McGraw concert with my fabulous hubby...
well...
I worked at SBO for 7 years...all those years with Tim's mom, Julie, and about 5 of the years with his little sister, Kalina...Tim died early Sunday morning. He's only 26. Can't imagine how they all feel. Especially Julie, kids are not supposed to go before their parents!
I was the medical records supervisor(only 'titled' job I ever had...anywho) and Tim worked for me for a little while too...What a nice kid. Searching for something. Lost. Going down some paths he probably shouldn't take...but...what a nice kid.
He was so dang cute too. He'd talk to me about dumb girls and baseball.

Funny story, I was looking for Tim...he was SUPPOSED to be in the back room filing charts, but apparently he was tired because I caught him sleeping UNDER the desk in another back room! His face was priceless. He's like please don't tell on me. I said while laughing really hard, I won't tell on you but you better not get caught you dumbass!!

AND

My mary kay lady had and lost a baby in the same day...don't know how she can be so strong, her blog is positive and all about God...she's gotta be a very strong woman...

I just have a heavy heart and keep praying for both families to have strength and comfort. What else can you do?
I look at Maggie and see how blessed I am and then I cry more.

8 Tim...wow

2010-02-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

Jenna remembers another Van Andel concert with her and I...I was lumping them into the same trip...oops

so 8.
8 Tim concerts.
I know you all care deeply about my obsession.
Thank you for loving me anyways.

repressed concert memory

2010-02-27T06:14:00.000-08:00

ew.
I remembered the other concert of Tim I saw.
It was in Vegas. Sounds cool right? Well the concert itself was.
Guy who took me there, not so much. Ew. It was obviously a memory I like to forget.
Disgusting ew guy DID give me all the money I wanted to do whatever I wanted while he gambled, so I did spend alot of time on the Strip by myself...walking around, seeing sights, and drinking! I distinctly remember people watching alot, which I always find amusing.
Anywho, for those of you who don't know, I broke it off with above mentioned guy when we got back. Ew.

but Tim, you were great.
:)

Girl Scout Cookies

2010-02-26T14:20:00.000-08:00

Girl Scout Cookies are the devil.
How are these cute little girls still allowed to sell them if they are in fact made by the devil?
Shouldn't someone put a stop to it?
My new favorite, thanks to the girls at the salon where I get my hair did, are Lemonades. Shortbread with the perfect amount of lemon icing. Shut up. I know.
Go buy some.

:)

TIM Concert X 6

2010-02-26T13:01:00.000-08:00

My 1st Tim McGraw concert was 1999 at the Indiana State Fair. Mom and Ken took me and Jenna. We were nuts. I remember being SO excited to just GET there and Ken drove like a freakin grey head. Seriously, I would never say anything, but I was nervous thinking we'd miss it...he took like back roads to Indy. Hello, 31 south goes STRAIGHT to Indy and some year in math class, I may not have picked up much, but I distinctly remember learning the shortest distance between two points is a STRAIGHT line! For the love of Pete, we did make it, with like 2 hours to spare and just walking around the fair, eating fair food and anticipating the concert. I'm sure Mom and Ken wanted to strangle us and the concert hadn't even begun. Anywho, it was awesome. I think Chely Wright opened for him. Mom and Ken later told us they had such a good time just watching me and Jenna! So apparently this was the start of my concert LIVE Tim obsession...cuz I've seen him a lot since then.

I'm going to try to remember off the top of my head all the other ones....hmmm...
All concerts were with Jenna except one year she couldn't go, now I don't remember why, but Kaylynn went with me. I'd tried to warn her, that after she saw him live, she'd be a fan, she sorta believed me, but NOW she BELIEVES me! Kal, a teenager I worked with and Kaylynn's niece, Paige, went with us. It was the closest seats I'd had yet. Anywho, AJ gets to experience me seeing Tim tomorrow....As much as I love Aj and glad Kaylynn got to go, I do miss Jenna being with me cuz it's like 'our' thing. (I'm sure she feels the same way, sorry Jeenj)

Oh holy shit, the BIG ONE! Jenna and I went to NASHVILLE, as in Music City, as in Tennessee to see Tim and Faith on New Years Eve of 1999 or 2000...I'd have to look on my t-shirt I bought to remember the year, but I think it was 99. Anywho, what a trip! We went to Mary's first in Kentucky, ew. Long story short, I love her so much but her house and neighborhood was scary and I didn't sleep. We left the next day for Nashville, went downtown Nashville, went to Country Hall of Fame, took funny pictures, laughed about the Batman Bldg, went to The Saloon(you know the one)in the middle of the day cuz Jenna wasn't yet 21...got a hotel room for I think 2 or 3 nights if I remember right. The 1st hotel room was a scary drug dealer nasty joint with bars on the windows and the doors to the outside ghetto, so we got a different one like 10 miles away...We had our own version of a New Year's Eve the night before NYE in our hotel, we drank and watched Dallas. Ha. The concert was the next night on actual NYE, but we were heading home after the concert so we weren't drinking like all the other fools:) Anywho, that was a HUGE concert, like we went up escalators to our seats...and seeing Faith with Tim was pretty cool, even though she is fat, ugly and stupid. Ha.

One concert was at the Verizon place in Carmel I think, it was Jenna and Brian and me. Big&Rich opened and I had a lot of tall plastic guitar beers! Found out how fun Big&Rich were too...Save a Horse Ride, a Cowboy. Woot Woot!

One with Kaylynn at Van Andel in Grand Rapids MI, closest seats I've ever bought. Yummo view of the nice tight jeans Tim was wearing...:)

Soul2Soul 2(2nd tour of Tim and Faith together)at Van Andel in Grand Rapids Michigan with Jenna...Van Andel is my favorite venue so far, it's smallish er than the others I've been to. It's also in Grand Rapids, which is a cute little town if you go before the concert to walk around and shop...but make sure you go on a day that the town doesn't close up and only get to go to a book store...anywho, The Bob, a 4 level restaurant bar is across the street from Van Andel and it's pretty happenin' place(I sound old). Jenna and I drank alot before the concert, ok well I drank WAY more than Jenna...anywho...this one ENDED up good but started out terrible. Guy behind us told us to sit down and that's all it took to piss me off, and when I get pissed, I cry. Having beers in my system doesn't help this situation either. I went to the bathroom very upset and crying, called Aj like this guy wants to ruin our concert...Jenna, in the mean time, was talking to the usher. The usher understood, we wanted to actually enjoy the concert and STAND UP. Who sits down at a concert? So the usher moved us CLOSER to the stage...long story short, I got to touch TIM. Let's not move too quickly over this point here, I got to touch TIM. I had to go down a few more rows from where the usher moved us, which were awesome seats, but I got to be up close and personal with TIM. Did you hear me? Thank you Jenna for being a fixer. Thanks for telling the usher I was having a complete melt down. Thanks for telling on the mean stupid sitting down guy:) Oh, the actual concert, was great. Tim and Faith sitting and singing close together...schmoopie...puke!

Tomorrow with the hubby. Tim and hubby in the same room. Tim will be jealous. This is also Aj and I's 1st real concert together. Only so called concert was at Club Fever in South Bend...that's not a concert. That's just a has-been performing while you get all drunk(life Before Maggie).

I've been to 6 Tim concerts. Seems like there were more. Maybe my emotional state makes it feel like more! :)

11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep

2010-02-24T11:52:00.000-08:00

11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep
( just a little something I read today and I thought I'd share on my blog)
WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine By Ty Wenger

we've scoured the country for guys willing to share the private truths they wouldn't normally confess. Some are a bit crass. Some you've always suspected. Some are surprisingly sweet. (Guys don't like to reveal the mushy stuff, either.) But read on, and you may discover that the truth about men isn't all that ugly.

Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you
If the oldest question in history is "What's for dinner?" the second oldest is "Were you looking at her?" The answer: Yes -- yes, we were. If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he possesses acute peripheral vision.
"When a woman walks by, even if I'm with my girlfriend, my vision picks it up," says Doug LaFlamme, 28, of Laguna Hills, California. "I fight the urge to look, but I just have to. I'm really in trouble if the woman walking by has a low-cut top on."
Granted, we men are well aware that our sizing up the produce doesn't sit well with you, given that we've already gone through the checkout line together. But our passing glances pose no threat.
"It's not that I want to make a move on her," says LaFlamme. "Looking at other women is like a radar that just won't turn off."

Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
More than 21 million American men play at least one round of golf a year; of those, an astounding 75 percent regularly shoot worse than 90 strokes a round. In other words, they stink. The point is this: "Going golfing" is not really about golf. It's about you, the house, the kids -- and the absence thereof.
"I certainly don't play because I find it relaxing and enjoyable," admits Roland Buckingham, 32, of Lewes, Delaware, whose usual golf score of 105 is a far-from-soothing figure. "As a matter of fact, sometimes by the fourth hole I wish I were back at the house with the kids screaming. But any time I leave the house and don't invite my wife or kids -- whether it's for golf or bowling or picking up roadkill -- I'm just getting away."

Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an expensive videographer.
But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together." Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.

Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
In more than 7.4 million U.S. marriages, the wife earns more than the husband -- almost double the number in 1981. This of course is a terrific development for women in the workplace and warmly embraced by all American men, right? Right?
Yeah, well, that's what we tell you. But we're shallow, competitive egomaniacs. You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home more bacon than we are -- and frying it up in a pan?
"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."

Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
I risk being shunned at the local bar if this magazine finds its way there, because few charades are as beloved by guys as this one. To hear us talk, the Bataan Death March beats grouting that bathroom shower. And, as 30-year-old Ed Powers of Chicago admits, it's a shameless lie. "In truth, it's rewarding to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken forever," he says. Plus we get to use tools.
"The reason we don't share this information," Powers adds, "is that most women don't differentiate between taking out the trash and fixing that broken hinge; to them, both are tasks we need to get done over the weekend, preferably during the Bears game. But we want the use-your-hands, think-about-the-steps-in-the-process, home-repair opportunity, not the repetitive, no-possibility-of-a-compliment, mind-dulling, purely physical task." There. Secret's out. (I DONT THINK ANYTHING SHOULD BE DONE DURING A BEARS GAME THOUGH HELLO)
Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother
With apologies to Sigmund Freud, Gloria Steinem -- and my mother-in-law.

Secret #7: Every year we love you more
Sure, we look like adults. We own a few suits. We can probably order wine without giggling. But although we resemble our father when he was our age, we still feel like that 4-year-old clutching his pant leg.
With that much room left on our emotional-growth charts, we sense we've only begun to admire you in the ways we will when we're 40, 50 and -- God forbid -- 60. We can't explain this to you, because it would probably come out sounding like we don't love you now.
"It took at least a year before I really started to appreciate my wife for something other than just great sex; and I didn't discover her mind fully until the third year we were married," says Newton. "But the older and wiser I get, the more I love my wife." Adds J.P. Neal, 32, of Potomac, Maryland: "The for-richer-or-poorer, for-better-or-worse aspects of marriage don't hit you right away. It's only during those rare times when we take stock of our life that it starts to sink in."

Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about
You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?
Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.
We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store sports trivia.

Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive
Want to know how to reduce your big, tough guy to a quivering mass of fear? Ask him for the car keys.
"I am scared to death when she drives," says LaFlamme.
"Every time I ride with her, I fully accept that I may die at any moment," says Buckingham.
"My wife has about one 'car panic' story a week -- and it's never her fault. All these horrible things just keep happening -- it must be her bad luck," says Andy Beshuk, 31, of Jefferson City, Missouri.
Even if your man is too diplomatic to tell you, he is terrified that you will turn him into a crash-test dummy.

Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again
Granted, when I was 25 I was working 16-hour days and eating shrimp-flavored Ramen noodles six times a week. But as much as we love being with you now, we will always look back fondly on the malnourished freedom of our misguided youth. "Springsteen concerts, the '91 Mets, the Clinton presidency -- most guys reminisce about the days when life was good, easy and free of responsibility," says Rob Aronson, 41, of Livingston, New Jersey, who's been married for 11 years. "At 25 you can get away with things you just can't get away with at 40."
While it doesn't mean we're leaving you to join a rock band, it does explain why we occasionally come home from Pep Boys with a leather steering-wheel cover and a Born to Run CD.

Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime
I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.
Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.
And that's the truth.

I'm Mama now

2010-02-22T11:34:00.001-08:00

Maggie is no longer calling me MomMom.
Bummer.I'm Mama now.
Aj was Dadda and is now being called Daddy or Maggie's version of it that sounds like DaEEE.

We both miss what she first called us.
She's just getting more advanced with her words, so we knew it would change but I reallllllllly liked MomMom :(

'Mama' still comes from her so it still melts my heart every time I hear it.

Maggie's 1st Slumber Party

2010-02-20T12:26:00.000-08:00

Emily and Will spent the night last night. Not celebrating anything, but thought it would be a nice break for Jenna and Brian after the week they had. I'm such a nice Aunt Kenj/SIL/Sister! HA
Maggie and Will...if you want to be hard core, you got to PLAY hard core. Oh yes, they were pooped by bedtime. Maggie even slept without a peep until 7:15 this morning, took a bottle, then slept til 10! What? Hallelujah:)
Will slept in the recliner. Earlier in the night, he says "Aunt Kenj, this will make a good bed for me". But at 7:15, he was on the floor by the kitchen??? weird. Ha.
We all ate Crock Pot Chicken Stroganoff. The kids ate it right up. Phew.
I am good. Ha. Oh wait, Maggie wanted nothing to do with any of it, big shocker. She was way too distracted for that shit. Ha. We watched Follow that Bird, ran around with a grocery cart, ran into each other and laughed really hard, jumped on the mattress on the floor that we took out of Maggie's crib while UnKie AJ supervised...oh and the funniest thing was watching Will and Maggie dance to UnKie
AJ's 'music' that he himself makes. Now that was a good time. Even Em was laughing at them, I'm pretty sure I saw her teeny tiny little dance move as she walked through the living room to get a Pepsi from the kitchen, oh yeah, go Em go Em go Em.
It was really nice to just have them all here, wow the house was alive. It felt good though. Em talked quite a bit over dinner, which was nice. Talked about school, some of her teachers and funny stories and who she was texting and about learning some french, german and spanish. Em pretty much just wanted Maggie to snuggle, we'll have to have just Em over so Maggie and Will are not just playing together the whole time. Finally this morning though, Maggie 'let' Em hold her and read some of a book to her. AWWWWW Anywho, I liked the house full of kids. Uh Oh...should I read into this more? :)

Troop Beverly Hills

2010-02-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

I busted out Troop Beverly Hills today and Maggie liked it.
Just enough songs and dancing and girls hopping around being crazy for her to stay interested. I loved this movie as a young girl. Who says the last sentence I just typed? Old people. I'm old. Speaking of which, my grey is coming thru and I need a dye job. Again, old people say that. I'm old.
Troop Beverly Hills is a totally realistic movie:) Beverly Hills what a thrill, Beverly Hills what a thrill, Beverly Hills what a thrill...Maggie liked marching around to this part and re-playing over and over when they sing Happy Birthday to Chica:)

What a dumb blog.

processed food

2010-02-17T12:05:00.001-08:00

How many times do i have to hear these words(PROCESSED FOODS) and
cringe at what i put in my body, my husbands body and Maggie's body(more importantly)...and do nothing about it.
Venting here...is everything processed? What isn't processed besides fruits and vegetables...is making stuff HOMEMADE cheaper...is pasta processed, what would i do without pasta...ok I KNOW doritoes are processed...but...is there an EASY way to change what I do and don't do...if it's not easy-ish, I probably won't do it...
am I a loser or what...???
Is there a website?? A book?? or is this just common knowledge to most people?
I grew up on processed food...frozen pizza, mountain dew, delivery pizza, chips, chips a hoy, fast food...I am doing what my mom did...it's easier...crap.
I buy 100% whole wheat bread, is bread processed? I buy cheese, every variety pretty much...jelly...peanut butter...chicken breasts...cream of mushroom soup...oh stop the madness...I haven't a clue. All joking a side, I'm not sure I know what is good and what is bad. Does everything have to actually say Organic to not be processed? Does processed and organic have nothing to do with each other really? Are the people who don't eat processed food all skinny and healthy?

I suck. Bye Bye Now.

FlipFlop February

2010-02-16T10:58:00.000-08:00

I need winter boots and officially stores have Flip Flops and Rain Boots and
no winter boots. It's Indiana in the middle of winter and I need boots, preferably on sale, but I'd take any boots right now...
If I were going to Cancun on a vacation I'd be set big time. I'd have a bikini and flip flops and shorts and tank tops...I'm not saying I'd actually wear any of the above except the flippies but....

anywho
just sayin

BackPack BackPack

2010-02-16T10:57:00.000-08:00

My nephew went to Pre-School today, backpack and all.

awwwwwww

I don't Karaoke

2010-02-12T12:31:00.001-08:00

I don't.
I won't.
Wouldn't even if I were completely drunk.
I sing to myself and Maggie.
I sing in my car.
I sing alone usually.
I do not sing karaoke.

but
to those of you who do, right on peeps.
you have bigger balls than I.
Good job:)

I shall buy BOOTS

2010-02-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

So the other night, it had snowed about 2 feet...a friend had shoveled us out cuz he had a half day and aj and i weren't feeling too well that day. I really wanted to go to the chiropractor because I had missed a day or two...I had to back aj's truck out of the driveway, pull my car out and then pull his truck back in...simple right? Not if you fall on your ass. My car was parked at the curb while I walked back over to get into Aj's truck in front of the neighbors. I hit ice I guess. One second I was walking and the next I was flat on my back. I hit the back of my head pretty hard, but I had my hood pulled over my head (for once) so there was a millimeter of cushion on my melon. Ouch. I was like whoa. My feet were up on the embankment where the plow had been by and I was splat in front of Aj's truck, his lights were on, so anyone who happened to have been looking(hopefully no one) would have seen quite a fall. I would have laughed had it not hurt so bad. I got up...moved his truck in...Aj's at the door saying 'are you ok' at the exact time I'm saying 'did you see me fall'...ouchie mama. I made it to the chiropractor about 5 mins late, they stayed for me though cuz I told them I fell. Anywho, that night I was fine, slight head ache but no biggie. Well now it's been 3 days and I'm sooooo sore. Every muscle must have tensed up when I fell. My right hip and back(of course my back why not...anywho) feel bruised but I don't see a bruise. My shoulders and neck are achy. The backs of my arms feel like I did some massive tricep dips WHICH I DID NOT.
My point is, number one, I'm so glad I wasn't carrying Maggie. Phew.
Number 2, if a kid falls, he gets back up and goes about his business. I apparently am not a kid anymore. I feel like I was hit by a truck, which I haven't ever been hit by a truck, and I'm sure it's a slight exaggeration, but I am SORE.

Only other time I remember falling on ice was when I was pregnant with Maggie...oh I was so scared I'd have hurt her by falling, I just starting bawling. I was fine, I didn't hurt and obviously she was fine...obviously.

Moral of the story really is... I need snow boots! So with my valentine money I got from my Dad, I shall buy boots.

Maggie's wheews a spinnin

2010-02-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

Maggie is just all around now such a big girl.
She is eating way better in my opinion, which is the only opinion that matters thank you. I just have to become better at what we eat...anyways another story there.
She is trying to help 'clean up' her toys with me. She'll go get what I ask for and put it where I point, not ALL the time but it's a process.
She is going to bed with a baby now too...not sure how that started. Just one day for nap she went and got 'beebee' out of her baskets of stuffed animals and now it's with her in her crib. Tonight, I forgot I took it out and she was looking for it and said 'beebee' and started to panic...no no no it's alright she's right here...road block to meltdown, thanks Mama. She lays 'beebee' down on her face like how Maggie sleeps:) LOL, now that is stinkin cute, i don't care who you are.
Maggie is saying just about everything I swear, she'll mimick just about anything I do and recognizes things too that I've never actually so called taught her...like on her laptop she got as a xmas present, she pointed to the apple and said apple. huh.
In her 1st words book yesterday, she was saying what the pictures were, some she needed help with but she did pretty good herself. She'd point at the picture and say
'sock' 'shoe' 'pain'(plane) 'choochoo'(train...oops that's my fault cuz that's what I'd call it when i'd read to her)'ball' 'poddy'(potty chair) 'gull'(girl) 'coat' 'wheew'(wheels)....
It was soooo fun to watch her wheews spin. I love that part:)

taxes

2010-02-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

Who decided taxes were a good idea?
klfajofaisdhfj ao;dnfjaosdfihasdoa;sdfj

but thank GOD for REFUNDS.

weekend plans for adults

2010-02-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

i just blogged a LONG blog for me about my weekend adult plans and there was an Error.

WhATEVER

blah blah blah

long story short, I have adult plans two night in a row and I already miss my baby girl.

if Will's turning 5 already...

2010-02-02T12:36:00.000-08:00

Time is flying by. Wow, just yesterday he was born it seems. I met Aj when Will was 6 months old...wow now he's turning 5, this can't be right. I remember the talks Jenna and I had about moving and going to school like it would be 5 years away and it's already here. Wow. I keep saying wow because I know Maggie turning 5 will be right around the next corner if I blink long enough. ugh.
I'm feeling for Jenna right now bigga time. Her baby will be starting school. Bittersweet.
He will LOVE school I'm sure, so I think that'll make it easier for her, but after spending all your time with the love of your life all wrapped up in smokin' pajamas, it'll be a shock to the system. A whole new chapter will be starting, possibly not even a new chapter, might be like a whole different book. T-ball this summer, school starting, field trips, oh ugh girlfriends, boy sleep overs, graduations, driver's permits, driver's license, dating, sports....getting caught sneaking out to come to Aunt Kenj's house cuz he's in trouble...ha ha ha...but anywho, if this is all happening at the speed of light, I'm going to stunt Maggie's growth somehow. I'm gonna google it, ha. What would I search for? Ways to keep your kid under 5 years old? aaaaagghhhhh

I'm a Believer

2010-01-31T11:36:00.000-08:00

I'm trying really hard to read the Bible every day. Which, I have never done. I don't know verses by heart, I don't know what scriptures are from what books, I don't know ALOT...but I do know God is Good!
It seems to help set my mind up for conquering the day. It seems to help me be more positive and thankful. Really puts things into perspective. Hello, I'm by no means perfect, but that last 3 days when I've had something weighing on my mind, I open the back to the index and try to find a general topic on what's bugging me...I look up the few scriptures it leads me to and I feel better. I don't know if I'm just hungry for learning more or if GOD is leading me, but either way it's good.
I'm tired of complaining about things that are not even big things to complain about. I'm tired of worrying about stuff I cannot control...I want to focus on joy, being thankful, and not letting other people's negative thoughts and actions get the best of me. I'm really starting to think I need HIM more than I ever thought, in everything I do. I never thought about it like this before. I want HIM to be a friend I confide in EVERY day. I want to find happiness in the mundane things because I know HE is with me. I want to tell him, even if he already knows, how much I need HIM and love HIM. Before it seemed like I prayed when I'd think I NEEDED something. I'd pray if i was ASKING for something. I think I need more 'practice' at praying but I'm asking him to help guide me...I now know I can pray because I'm thankful. I can pray because I just want to talk to him. I'm trying to say at least ONE prayer EVERY day...seems though, most days, when there's ONE...at least a FEW more follow eventually!
I used to get embarrassed if people asked me anything about God or my beliefs, now well, I don't want to sound mean, but I don't care if you ask, I'm proud of it. I don't know everything but I know I'm a believer. What is better than that? :) I don't want to be quiet about it anymore...I wouldn't ever say Praise God in front of people even if I felt I should or it would make me or someone else umcomfortable...but I'm going to try to come out of my comfort zone...baby steps...:)

Maggie's Dance Moves

2010-01-30T12:22:00.000-08:00

They are better than yours, don't hate. She's just talented and you're not.
She can bust it out! She is really 'singing' too dang it.
Right now she likes the Happy Birthday song cuz MiMi sings it to her and they go over it and over it and over it and over it and over it and over it...you get my point, but it's too cute. She dances fast to fast music, pumps her arms to thumpin music and even slows down to slower music. She can FEEL it. It's awesome.

I was thinking what if Maggie is a dancer...which made me think...what will she be when she grows up? Obviously she'll be able to do whatever she wants but will she have a natural god-given talent (unlike her MomMom) or will she be CEO of a company?
Will she be 'artsy fartsy'? I won't care as long as she is a good happy person, but it's weird thinking of Maggie into the future say as far as like Maggie as a 30 year old....weird...and exciting...hmmmmm...

anywho, nothing much to blog about today really, so I'll go eat my tuna melt and read my book now, which is book 11 of 12 of The Left Behind Series. Woot Woot.

Boundaries

2010-01-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

I think some people have a lot.
Others don't have any. Then there is all the people in between.
I also think maybe you SHOULD know some boundaries without it being a discussion.
For example, if you tell me I'm fat, I'll punch you in the face. If you comment on certain other features of mine you know I hate (those of you who know what those are, well, you know), I'll probably kick you in the shin or stab you with a pencil in your eye. Well obviously I really won't be violent, but it'll hurt my feelings, I'll say nothing, and I'll cry about it later I'm sure. Aj will make me feel better when I cry cuz he loves me no matter what. He can always make me feel better.
If you're critical of Maggie, well, I hay chu. If you don't know where the line is with some people, just be respectful and polite. You can be funny and have a good time without wondering where lines you shouldn't be crossing are. A great example of this is, I think, Ellen. She is hilarious. She is respectful. She is funny, did I mention she is funny and she wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings...be like her. When you are dealing with me or my family, be like her. I can talk about my family, but you can't. Isn't that a golden rule of some sort? If I complain about something to you, it's not ammo for you to use later. I'm just confiding in you. I have a friend, who's husband is not my favorite person in the world, but would I ever say anything to either make it worse or hurt her feelings? No, I would not. I love her too much to say anything, it's just an understanding.
There is a certain someone who always makes inappropriate mean things to my sister on facebook, he must think it's funny, but I know just by reading it that if you think OH THAT'S WRONG...it's probably in some way hurting her feelings...so then a boundary should be discussed.
Then I don't like confrontation either, makes me very uncomfortable, so be careful how you approach me if for some reason you need to tell me where your boundaries are or if I've crossed them. Odds are, not patting myself on the back, I haven't crossed any lines with you because I've never been one to have alot of enemies or rag on people and say mean things. If I have, oh my gosh, I am truly sorry. I wouldn't have ever meant to hurt your feelings. I'm not a feeling hurter-er if I can help it! :)
I think I know my boundaries, if you say anything mean about my daughter, you're an idiot. Got it? :) If you push my buttons or want to argue about something like Glee not being the coolest show on right now, I'll probably ignore your dumb ass :)
All joking aside, you've got to know boundaries without them always being brought up or talked about. You just do.
I think I'm still learning about my husband's boundaries, but he gets hurt more easily than you'd think. He doesn't let on about much though. We have a few boundaries that took awhile to realize what they were exactly but a long story short, it's about how he deals with my family being close and how protective I am of them. He'd basically always just be with me and Maggie and never leave the house or entertain if it were up to him, but that is not how I am with my family. He's slowly adapting:)
I don't know if you'd call these boundaries or pet peeves, but aj cannot stand when people let their kids put their fingers in a birthday cake and then just serve it up to people like that's ok. He doesn't want cake that's been mutilated! ha
He hates, despises if someone would fart or burp all up in his grill, thinks it's not funny at all, thinks it's gross. My family comes from a long line of farters, but I can't blame him for thinking it's nasty cuz when it comes down to it, well, it is. He doesn't like crowds, end of story. If you ask him what's wrong and he says nothing, I've learned to only ask MAYBE 2 more times, in his own time, IF there is something wrong, he'll tell ME. It could be days later, he's given whatever it is time to process, then he'll share. Usually though, 9 times out of 10, he's just quiet and ok with it. I'm learning to accept this. It's hard sometimes. I think being quiet means something is wrong cuz my family is always talking and pretty loudly I might add:)
Well anyways, just a little boundary vent blog you dumb fat piece of crap with dimples on your thighs and ugly hair and annoying kids and you talk to much and your parents are dumb and I think your jokes are not funny and you try to hard and you're a bad driver and what? you're a democrat? you need Jesus. you shouldn't wear that cuz it makes you look like an oompah loompah and why are your ears that big and those teeth.....................just a few examples of things you keep to yourself:)

To Maggie

2010-01-22T20:17:00.000-08:00

Maggie,
You know what? You crack me up. So many times during the day you 'sing' out loud and make this face...I wanna just pinch your face off.
Lately you will watch any of the Shrek movies pretty much 5 times a day...you go about your business while it's on sometimes. Then there are times you say "shrek on" and sit through the whole thing with serious game-face! You say Shrek, with a lot of emphasis on the k, it's so cute. You laugh at parts that are funny, I wonder how you actually know it's funny, but it is. You laugh hard too. You seem to like the louder scarier parts cuz you yell with a smile on your face.
You also like "Broot" (Bruce aka Finding Nemo)...you like the big scary shark. hmmmm
Shrek, an ogre. Bruce, a big toothy shark. You're this little midgit princess all in pink liking these big 'scary' lookin beasts...funny.
You are so serious when you want to have a conversation with me too, you gesture with your hands and tell me 'all about it'...most of which is jibberish and I have no clue what you're saying but you are going to tell me how it is. You even move my face to look right at you if god forbid for a second I look away. You sometimes just say all the words you do know with jibberjabber in between. It's so funny. It goes a little like this: Poppa andldlfk Mimi aknfldkl Momma no alkfl dadda eidkl hat japanesydkld will cup alkslk on ksdd cheese shrek sssshhhh broot one one lfkjsoi shoe happy!!! I love you.
You are soooo particular too. Maybe even a little cooky bratty sometimes, but hey we all got our things. You have to have your blanket (bankt)just so. You adjust your clothes like I do, god help us. You are particular about the sizes and colors of things it seems. Like if I give you a half of a chip one day, the next day I might give you a 1/4 and you say "noooo" and shove my hand away like 'how dare you woman'!
You and eating do not get along...it's out biggest struggle. You like only a few things. You eat very very very little of even what you do like. You're still getting bottles with oatmeal in them before nap and bed and when you get up in the morning...Only way I feel like you are getting nutrients...ugh. You could care less. How do I make you eat? How do I force you to swallow? I guess you'll eat and care on your own time like you have done everything else really...but I never imagined at 18 mos you wouldn't care about food. Lord knows you didn't get your eating habits from me or Dadda...hmmm...anyways, just a frustrating thing we deal with daily, but you are the bomb diggity regardless chick!
I love you so much and every day is such a gift. I'm so glad I can be home with you.
I can't imagine dropping you off at day care and leaving to go to work...that thought makes me wanna cry...I'd miss out on so much of just daily YOU. I love seeing every day you doing something different or learning something new...it's fun and exciting.
Tonight was Grampy's bday party at hacienda and you were trying so hard to sing Happy Bday song with all of us and you clapped so hard at the end like you did such a good job, you just melt my heart. You say "happy" very clearly...but the rest not so much, but it's so awesome to see your little wheels spinning when you TRY so hard.
I love you. It never seems enough to just say I love you but I do, so much. I don't know what I'd do without you stinker face! Love, MomMom (sometimes now you just say momma though...I wonder what you'll actually call me)

glee

2010-01-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

How can a show make me feel so much joy?
It's just a tv show.
BUT
two hottie guys, one of which is so dang cute I just can't stand it...a Cheerleading coach I love to HATE...drama...comedy...love...songs...dancing...

I love Glee.
It makes me sing and I can't sing.
:)

Poor Maggie, I really belt it out in the car when I have the soundtrack blaring.
Maggie DOES like dancing to the songs though, I see her joy too!!

Did I mention I love Glee?

Szuba Funeral

2010-01-21T12:33:00.000-08:00

What a long, sad, wonderful mixed up day. Aj and I left about 8:15am, needed to run the squad car thru a car wash and get to the funeral early for police staging. This sounds simple, right? Well there are 2 other cops getting their cars cleaned at the same car wash, one of which is leaving for New Carlisle to escort the family to the funeral. Ugh. We get to Bethel College and park literally bumper to bumper in the lot with all the police cars, packed in like sardines because there are so many cars. This is a good thing, but whoa. All officers and their families are sent into a gym to sign in, get coffee, mingle, cry, show their respects to one another etc. They have to have some organization and I don't know how they do it. We all have to line up to make our way over to the funeral for the casket walk by...Mishawaka Officers first, Honor Guard, K9 officers without their dogs, South Bend, St. Joe Co, Indiana Troopers, Notre Dame, all out of town officers...there is a lot of officers, um alot. Aj saw officers he hasn't seen since he was at The Academy. They all KNOW each other and haven't seen each other in a couple years!
We all have to walk over to the funeral at 11:00, carnations attached facing down ward under all officers' badges. It takes about an hour for all of us to walk through the officers outside who have brought their dogs. Alot brought their dogs, gulp. We all filed in past the casket and took our seats. The K9's filed by the caskets too, that was the first time I lost it for whatever reason, but the fact that Ricky(Szuba's K9 partner) had a pallbearer just got me. I counted the dogs walking by us, there was 139 and I'm sure I missed a few. Wow.
Catholic Service was long but very nice. Two sad songs were sung. Heaven Needed a Hero and Amazing Grace: A Police Tribute. :( Sad. Szuba's son, got up and talked about his dad. Gulp, tears :( Congressman Joe Donnelly presented the flag that flew over the Capitol to Mrs. Szuba. I think it was Szuba's chief, he got up and talked about both Jim and Ricky. He said in heaven, Ricky doesn't have to ride around in the back seat anymore, they can be side by side. Aww. The family not only lost Jim, they lost their family pet...never thought of it like that. They are going home to a really quiet house without their dog there.
After the funeral, we all had to file out and surround the hurse(sp?). Officers stood and saluted when the family followed the casket, dogs were all lined up...we were all dismissed to go to our cars to start the procession to the cemetery...K9's lined the entrance of the cemetery, bagpipes were playing, saluting, 21 gun salute, taps...so sad. All of us had to walk by the casket again, officers had placed their carnation on top of it, there was a huge mound of flowers...I had tears in my eyes and made the mistake of meeting the eyes of Mrs. Szuba...she was sobbing and shaking...need I say more? :(
I don't know what it must feel like to mourn with all this around you. It's such an awesome sight to see all the officer and K9s but YOUR husband is the one that isn't here anymore. You won't see him until you are called to heaven...How could she stand it? Even at home from the time he died, to the time of his burial, they had a cop in their driveway to show respect and also protect the family...I don't think there'd be a moment I could NOT cry....
It was a long day,I couldn't feel my toes because it was very cold out at the cemetery...but no room for me to complain, I am not a grieving widow. UGH. My kid didn't lose their dad. I just can't explain how I felt. I felt a connection to her and I don't even really know her...One of the things said during the funeral is that 'all officers spouses share an unspoken fear'...It's true. It's there. I have it.

If one falls, we all hurt

2010-01-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

The 1st Procession of Lights was awesome despite the circumstances. Such a show of loyalty and love for a fallen officer....If one falls, we all hurt.
It's obvious when you see the brotherhood all together. My 1st one was April 2007 for Corporal Nick Samuel Polizzotto. We were new to the police officer "family"...

Last night was my second Procession of Lights. This time, I know more people around us. These are my husbands co-workers, partners, dispatchers and friends. He is very close to them. He backs them up on calls, they back him up on calls, their K9's search and help him, they meet up for coffee, they go to each other's houses for get-togethers, he exchanges Christmas gifts with them, he knows their families, they call out of the blue to see how he is, they talk about work sometimes and they 'play' together too...Corporal James J. Szuba was one of Aj's friends, he had coffee with him 2 weeks ago...this one hit a little closer to home. Sad, plus Officer K9 Ricky was killed in the accident too. Their dogs are their partners. The procession was 6 miles long, which they say is about 800 vehicles! What a sight to see. We were a little over half way back in the line. As far as I could see ahead and behind us was all lights. The streets were lined with people, eerily quiet, holding candles, flags and signs. There were numerous people with their dogs out too. Jim lived in New Carlisle, where I grew up as a kid, I knew with such a small community it would be crazy to see the turn out....but I lost it. I cried hard through New Carlisle. I don't want to be the family in the lead car or in a procession of someone close to us, but it could happen at any moment. Such an overwhelming feeling of sadness, pride and love...mixture of emotions for me.

There are officers falling at an alarming rate...this isn't uncommon unfortunately...this year there have already been 10 Line of Duty deaths. TEN. It is only January 14th! Ten officers in 14 days!

ugh.

2010 is bright, put on your shades!

2010-01-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

Well, 2010 rolled in with a bang...ha ha ha, no for real dough!
Aj and I were just at home, watched All About Aniston movies on Lifetime, Maggie played, she went to bed, we watched Terminator Salvation, paused to watch the Ball Drop, hello can't miss that, and hopefully made a new year baby...hmmmmm....too much information?
Anywho, bye bye 2009, it's been fun, sad, happy, hard, scary, boring, exciting...I guess like life is supposed to be...but for real, 2010 better be nicer to my sister or I'm gonna kick it's ass.
I've decided to not make resolutions this year, wait or last year, ha, cuz i never do them anyways. I'm not a list maker do-er er apparently. I really only thought I want to watch more Glee, have Friends come back, and have a baby or at least get pregnant in 2010 for the love of pete. I'd like to seriously have another midgit in 2010 and of course I always pray Maggie is safe and healthy no matter if it's for the new year or just every night before she falls asleep..God and I have a lil talk:)
2010 so far...has been cold, snowy, and laundry filled...but at least we got new sunglasses to wear around IN the house yo!

Frumpy MomMom

2009-12-23T10:57:00.000-08:00

I used to say to Aj, why does she let herself outta the house like that?
We'd be out to dinner and I'd see a family of say 4, mom/dad/toddler and baby, Dad looked great, kids put together, mom without makeup and her hair all in a desheveled heap...
Now I get it.

Making Memories

2009-12-18T12:03:00.000-08:00

Christmas always makes me kinda sad...not sad...melancholy...I think alot...

Maybe now that Maggie will be all about Christmas, it'll be more fun...
I can't wait to see her ripping into her presents...
We are making memories and our 'own' traditions...I've stole some from my childhood of course, cuz that's what I remember but it'll be fun to make our own...I want memories and traditions Maggie will remember when she is 32 years old like I am now...I want her to see pictures of herself opening her presents on Christmas morning all sleepy eyed and excited...I want her to put up her tree later on and think about MomMom and Dadda when she is going through her ornaments from the past 30 some years...I hope she laughs and cries(just a little)...I hope she rolls her eyes and laughs when she thinks of some dumb doily sweatshirt she got when she was 10 from her Grandparents...
I still remember, for real, seeing Santa too...there was a light up santa in his sleigh on the way to xmas eve at my grandpa's house in someone's front yard and when we left later that night, he was gone...for years, i knew i'd seen santa...i still wonder, even if it's corny, why would it have been gone? why would the people move it? basically, it HAD to have been Santa because no other explanation makes any sense, right?!:)Jenna and I had a very good Santa, we had no reason to not believe!!! My 4th grade teacher actually ruined it for me...he told us that there was no Santa...I was in shock...I guess my friends already knew there wasn't a Santa...I felt dumb for being so old and not knowing...part of me still believes in the idea of Santa, so there Mr. Peterich, you didn't ruin my WHOLE life, buttface! :)

I had a million dollars...

2009-12-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'd be rich.

oh, my point was not just to plug a Bare Naked Ladies song but to say
seriously if I had a million dollars, Maggie would be getting alot of stuff for Christmas...hmmm
What would I do with that much money?
1.I would buy a new house, not a huge house, but a nice 4 bedroom 2 bathroom ranch with about 2 acres of land(enough room for hubby to have his pole barn).
2.I would buy Aj a Harley.
3.I would give money to my sister.I assume she'd buy a house too probably.
4.I would give money to my mom.
5.I would buy my seester a new car, the older Honda style she likes so much.
6.I would get lasic eye surgery for sure, no more contacts!
7.I would buy home gym equipment.
8.Aj would give money to his mom I'm sure...
9.I'd not give my dad money, I'd see what he needed and pay for it myself because he'd go blow it on stupid shit:) Hey, it's the truth.
10. INVEST
11. Put lots of money away for Maggie(cars, needs, College...)

Would 1 million even be enough to do all that? I don't even know what 1 million is. The biggest check I ever had was $14,000 and I thought that was a butt load...hmmmm
anywho, it'll never happen. Back to life, back to reality...(another song plug by I don't know who from like the 80's or 90's)

Maggie likes to perform

2009-12-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

Today, I woke up BEFORE Maggie, which was a nice change. I got to sit and watch the news for a little bit before she woke up. She woke up saying HI HI HI HI.
She is saying so much: Hi,On,Ellen(EhNin)Shoe,Happy,Hat,Abby,Why...WHY is her new favorite. I don't think she knows what it means yet, thank goodness. MomMom is also alot more now. She'll even grab my sweatshirt off the back of the chair (coat rack) and says MomMom, like she is really helping me know that it's mine, it's too cute.
Her new favorite room to play in is her own, but she wants Aj or I in there with her. She puts on some of her sun hats and 'sings', but the door must be closed to do so because then she can stand in between her closet door and her door, which makes sort of an echo sound, but it is also a nice little area for a 'stage'! She even claps when she is done 'singing'. She really likes to 'sing' to the Princesses on her bag that is hanging on her closet door too. SHE KILLS ME. I would rather gnaw my limbs off than sing on a stage! :)
She is also all about dancing, to every beat imaginable. She loves All the Single Ladies by Beyonce' alot! I can just start to sing it to her and she puts her hands up and starts rockin' out. Thank God Maggie doesn't know yet that MomMom cannot sing, it would ruin our moments.
So my little performing Midgit Princess is all about it and today at Target, I spied a pink and purple MICROPHONE! I'm the best MomMom ever, that's what Maggie said to me with her eyes and her very enthusiastic smile! Now she can 'sing' LOUDER! woot woot

ChrisTIMas!

2009-12-06T12:16:00.001-08:00

I've had a HORRIBLE few days...Maggie's been sick, I've been sick, Aj's been sick, the devil reared it's ugly head and is messing with my sanity...

long story short...
Aj, bless his little heart, gave me my christmas present early(well xmas present and anniversary present, our 3 yr anniversary is in January)
Two tickets to see Tim McGraw at Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids MI in February!!Bonus is Lady Antebellum is opening for him too and I like them alot...Hopefully spend the night up there somewhere too the night of the concert:)
Woot Woot.He knows the way to my heart...just mix it up with a little Tim baby!

BUT this could also be the end of our marriage...hmmm...can he handle seeing me seeing Tim?
I get 'a little' excited...it was nice being married for 3 years:) ha ha ha

All I want is....

2009-12-06T12:12:00.000-08:00

If I had like $500 right now, I'd be all about Christmas shopping.
There are so many cool things I can't afford to buy people. I'd buy for pretty much everyone if I could too. Just buy it cuz I can and it's perfect for someone.
BUT
Since I ain't got no monies, I'll do another load of laundry, watch the Bears football game, blog while Maggie is sleeping, eat a home made tuna melt with lots of relish and dill and a little paprika, blow my nose alot on my Puffs Plus, use my sinuCleanse to get the goo out the nose, shower and then get back into some jammies...you heard me, get back into jammies for 3rd day in a row...stupid head sickies, go away!

Shrek helps the Sickies

2009-12-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

We're all sick.
Snot.
Cough.
Sore Throat.
UGH.
Maggie's is the worst because I can't 'do' anything for her. She is taking her medicine, which is good, but I want to take her sickies away. Poor thing is miserable. Sleeping and snuggling alot, not that I'm complaining. Snuggly Maggie is nice, but after a week, I could go to the bathroom without her crying cuz I'm not holding her :(
and
Thank Heavens for Shrek, Shrek 2 and Shrek 3(which she picks out and says BeeBee (baby)cuz Shrek Baby is on the front cover)! She is liking Shrek even more than Elmo at the moment, I could get used to this, that is for sure. Elmo is sitting on my last nerve. The Shrek movies are funny and I can watch too. She obviously is cool watching longer movies too, cuz she is glued to the tv when Shrek is on, so no ADD yet:)

Maggie is sick

2009-12-01T12:34:00.001-08:00

sick with a little tiny low grade fever...
I'm nutty worried...
I over react...
so glad God knows what i can handle...
anywho...
i worry

O.B.E.S.E

2009-11-29T19:46:00.000-08:00

My name is Kendra and I am obese. I need to focus, for real. I need to lose 77 lbs. Even then, certain weight calculators and BMI requirements say I'm overweight still...hmmm.
Right now, I'm obese! Just say that out loud...O.B.E.S.E. I was going to say it sounds like a disease and laugh, but it IS. Obese. Obese. Obese.
My focus has been Maggie and adjusting to having a terrible back. I eat what's quick and easy and some days don't care what goes into my body. As far as exercise, who am I kidding. Walking is few and far between. What is it gonna take for me to DO something about how I look. I don't want to say I just want to be skinny, I want to be healthy. So here's what apparently in the back of my mind surfaced a couple days ago, I didn't care because I want to get pregnant again anyways, so why put all the hard work in to just gain it back? Ok, for real, what kind of ridiculous attitude is that? If I try, it lasts like 4 days, then I stop. My back starts to stiffen and I get super nervous it's going to 'go out' again. I have to find something that works for me for the long haul and that doesn't hurt my back. I weight 4 lbs MORE than when I gave birth to Maggie. I lost like 2 lbs after she was born, how is that possible if she weighed 6 lbs 14 oz? Anywho, I feel like a failure and I'm embarrassed with how I look. Two people have either asked me or indirectly asked if I was pregnant again. Um, no, I just look 6 mos pregnant with my big fat gut. If I start to cut back on calories and certain foods, I feel deprived. Hello, emotional attachment to food. I was 140 lbs in high school and played 3 sports, I know now would be different to get back down to 140 lbs, but my point is: I thought I was fat then. Whatever. I had muscle definition, a waist, and boobs...hello, if I looked like that now, I'd be hot. Anywho, I'm just feeling like I'm a little lost in balancing all this. I need some sort of motivation. I know I'm supposed to take care of myself first so I can take care of others(Maggie), but why do I see this as something I'll start again and I'll just fail, so why even try?! I don't have that go-get-'em attitude like I should. I know what I'm supposed to do, I know that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels, but I like food. I like the satisfaction I get from it, ugh. Wouldn't I be MORE satisfied if I did something good for myself instead? Wouldn't I be less tired all the time? Wouldn't my back feel better with 70 some lbs off my body to lug around? Energy, what's that? How do I make this a change that is for the rest of my life? Even when I type that 'rest of my life', it's another sinking feeling of why even start or try? Why do I feel like this? Because it's hard? I know it's hard because I have lost weight and gained it back like 4times now......I remember thinking when I was 21 that it was the last time, that was 11 years ago...ugh....so maybe when I'm 33 in April of 2010 it'll be the last time????? O.B.E.S.E. Again, say it out loud, it's not a sexy word. O.B.E.S.E.

ever changing

2009-11-29T12:58:00.000-08:00

Maggie is changing up her own schedule again. Jenna warned me of this, just when you get used to something they do or it seems like there is a rhyme or reason to what's going on, it changes. She is now getting up in the morning early and wanting to keep her paci and blanket with her out on the couch and watch tv. Now she's slowly waking up unlike before shen she'd just get up and start jumping around in her crib like she was nuts. Sometimes she'll sit still for like an hour. That is a long time. Seems like 2 nights now too she wants to wind down doing the same thing. She goes in her room and grabs her blanket if it isn't with her already and sits up on the couch like a big girl. Yesterday, Aj was downstairs getting ready for work and I was packing his lunch and Maggie was just in on the couch watching the Notre Dame Football game all by herself. She was all snuggly in her blanket and was content for like 45 mins just sitting there. Seriously just one week ago, she was going going going going like the energizer bunny all day long. It would take me grabbing her to get her to even sit on my lap for one minute. She'd come to me to sit on my lap to read a book, but other than that, she was MOVING. Is this her little way of telling me she's getting older? Is she now not going to be a morning person right out the gate? She's not crabby first or last part of the day either, unless I try to take her blanket or paci away, then we have issues. She gives me this look like um, why you do that? She is also very helpful now in getting dressed for the day. She likes to help put her pants on. She'll stand up, without me directing her, hold onto my shoulders and raise one of her toots to put in the leg hole. It's so cute. She pretty much picks out which shoes she wears for the day too. I have usually 3 pairs out and she lets me know which ones she is NOT wearing. It's very clear that she knows what goes with her outfit. Are you kidding me kid? :)
When Aj leaves for work now too, her routine is different. She did it all on her own too. He stands outside the glass door and they fist bump the window at each other, too cute. Then she is like bye bye and shuts the big door. I think she thinks it's cool that she can push the BIG door closed. Anywho, my point: She is getting so big so fast. Things are changing. She is trying to say just about everything too! This is crazy!! She says tuhhdown(touchdown), house, mo(elmo), coo coo...pee...wow...AaGhee(Auntie Jenn)...Mimi...Poppa...pop...hop...two...

Bling

2009-11-28T12:14:00.000-08:00

Maggie and I went to Walmart to check on the deals...and we needed some groceries.
She kills me. She likes bling. She will reach out of the cart as far as she can and 'uh uh uh' for very girly things. Today it was the big heart bracelet with Disney Princesses on it, there are 3 beaded bracelets all attached by this big gawdy plastic heart. So, for $3.50, she is one happy shopper. She also really really liked the Women's Elmo sweatshirt, the whole sweatshirt was red and Elmo's face took up the whole front, god awful ugly, only came in woman's sizes, I don't think Maggie appreciated that. I had to get her to want the Elmo DVD that was on sale, nothing blingy about the dvd case MomMom, duh. Then towards the front of the store was the container of Wet Ones that fits in your car's cup holder, this was a must apparently because it was yellow and pink, girly blingy enough for Maggie to want it. Hey, why not, can't have too many wipes.
Where in the world is she getting the blingy girly gene from? I couldn't be less blingy. I do earrings(small ones) and my wedding rings, that is as blingy as I get on a normal basis. I don't wear really girly clothes. No frills. Jeans and sweatshirts are how I roll. I guess Disney knows their stuff and how to market the frilly girly blingy crap, the more attractive it is to little girls like Maggie the more money they make...maybe she'll grow out of it, but I'm not holding my breath:)
(She slept with her bracelet too...so much for saving it for a stocking stuffer)

you know when something is missing

2009-11-27T12:31:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was a success. I was worried, Aj was deep frying the turkey this year. It was very yummo and moist(that's for you Jenj). I am bummed though, not enough left overs for a sandwich, which is what I like more than the 'dinner' itself. I would pass over all desserts to have a sandwich at like 9pm while playing cards with the family... damn, too many people, not enough bird...and no mashed potatoes, just sayin...you know when something is missing because you have it every year, but it's just food right?...I would have brought some taters in a box mixed up nice and buttery, but I thought the menu was taken care of...anywho...
I can get over it, I know, because Thanksgiving was great. I have alot to be thankful for....alot. Maggie of course being numero uno!
Maybe next year we buy an extra turkey breast for left over sammiches...hmmmmm
oh wait, I was saying what I'm thankful for, ha.
:)

Black Friday? Really? the news said it might as well be a holiday...wow. Um, no. It shouldn't. Today should be a continuation of Thanksgiving and family time, not freakin' shopping. Stay in your pj's, watch movies, cuddle and be thankful...you can even now legally put up your Christmas decorations if you wish:) You do know that it isn't 'legal' to put up xmas stuff until today right? :)

Let the Reason for the Season shine through...and keep your tree in the box because you have a 17 month old...Busting out the table topper tree, stockings and lights should be just fine...oooo but then there are more electrical cords to worry about...lights on the porch, we can look at through the windows...stockings hung high...battery operated tree up on the table...no cords, no Maggie getting electricuted, now that's a 'Murry' Christmas! It'll feel like something is missing not having a big nice tree and xmas stuff threw up all over the house, but when Maggie is old enough to help and not eat everything, it'll be much more fun for da MomMom!!

Hilarious Blog from Melissa!! A MUST READ!

2009-11-25T12:59:00.000-08:00

i have a great thanksgiving time story. it happened to one of my friends from ywam (youth with a mission). i was in denver ywam in 2000. the thanksgiving after the year i was in here's what happened....

my friend, katie, was in a safeway. (that's the stores that they have a lot of places.. it was a few days before thanksgiving. katie was walking around the store minding her own business when she noticed a very conspicuous rather large black woman walking down the aisle. she just happened to follow this lady out of safeway. the manager of the store noticed this lady... she was nearly waddling, but you could totally tell she was trying to get away with something. there wasn't much proof though. so, my friend katie follows her out of the store. about 10 feet from the entrance a 10 pound ham falls out of this ladies shirt... and the lady yells, "fo real do, who phrew dat ham at me!?" so now, at the most opportune times myself, or one of my friends that's heard this story... will randomly yell out, "fo real do, who phrew dat ham at me!?"

good times. hope everyone has a blessed ham this thanksgiving :)

Temporary Insanity

2009-11-25T12:41:00.000-08:00

So other than I really must have been insane, the 12 reasons to not have dogs is
1. Maggie likes them from a distance or in a cage.
2. Leona, our cat, does not like ANY other animals.
3. Double the vet bills.
4. Vet bills at all, we have one income, dumb idea.
5. I have enough on my platter of stuff to do.
6. I'm a lazy pet owner, I admit it.
7. It's going to be winter...
8. Cleaning up dog pee in the living room and trying to keep Maggie out of the way was not the easiest thing ever.
9. Aj was like 80% not on board and 20& sorta on board with getting the dogs.
10. I was 80% excited and 20% nervous, never 100%!
11. Deciding to not get the dogs, was not a conversation about dogs, it was a much deeper conversation about communication between a man and his wife.
12. I don't want to clean up dog poop in the back yard.

Anywho, a good conversation came about because of the dogs, but that is between me and my husband. We have communication difficulties. He never wants to deny me of anything....the jist...we don't have two dogs and we won't ever speak of getting a dog until maybe and this is a big maybe, we have two kids that are like 10 and 12...even then, I want my low maintenance kitties. Apparently I'm not a dog person like I thought, you can't be a lazy pet owner and have a dog! Hello. Cats, now that's it. Leona is fat, lazy and pretty ok with laying around and playing with Maggie when Maggie says so:) Leona is really good with Maggie surprisingly. Maggie can just about sit on her and Leona will just move or roll away...Why did I want to mess up this little family that was comfy? Temporary Insanity. It happens.

Jenna's Pee Story

2009-11-23T12:00:00.001-08:00

Lame!

The Army? Really? Really, Really.

2009-11-22T12:46:00.000-08:00

I still to this day cannot believe Jenna was in the Army. It's not that she didn't have it in her. She has it in her to do whatever she puts her mind to. She is strong and smart like that. But joining the Army? I still can't fathom it.
I would never. I have too many issues with well everything I'd have to do in the Army. Sleeping in and on who knows what...what if I had to shit? They don't just say oh, well honey, the bathroom with the magazines is right over there, take your time, we'll come back around for you:)...
Never.

Target Tantrum

2009-11-20T19:42:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days, well day two of one of those days. Maggie didn't really nap other than about 45 mins or so and that makes for a long day. She needs her quality 2 hours mid day and so does Mommy. I need my break. Plus started my period, meaning: I have cramps, I'm tired and I'm NOT pregnant. So I was a little bummed.
After Maggie woke up from her 45 min snooze, she was strong crab. Aj , bless his heart, took her with him to Menards to buy a turkey fryer to give me a little time by myself. They were gone about an hour and I paid bills and watched Ellen. Boring, but nice.
I called a couple people to go shopping but no one was able to, so Maggie and I went to Target by ourselves. We ate Pizza Hut dinner and I wanted to look for some Christmas presents. She was fine, just busy looking at everything, holding and folding 75% off Pumpkin stickers...then, she was done. I took her to the toy aisles...OH MY...she was in heaven. I let her down outta the cart and she was a nut case...Elmo, "beebee"(dolls), horseys, dora, little ugly monster looking bouncy balls, oh a fuzzy Elmo, Oh the Elmo hands, oh baby Ariel, oooo baby Cinderella...She was so happy, I hated to have to stop it. But, hello, we can't spend the night at Target, they aren't open 24 hrs. Anywho, surprisingly she was ok getting back in the cart and I made my way for the check out. 3 lanes open and lots of people...took awhile and she was getting pretty ansy...and yes, I said 3 lanes! We paid for out stuff, I put her coat on and let her down out of the cart to leave. I let her walk in and out cuz she oh so enjoys the big red concrete balls outside of Target. Well, apparently she didn't want to go, I'm putting on my sweatshirt (cuz I got really warm in Target with their heat at 95 degrees) and she throws herself down on her chest and starts to yell, half cry, half yell kinda of thing. She starts to push herself backward while still on the ground, kinda at a slide...all this took like 3.2 milliseconds and I pick her up and she is arching her back and starting to really cry...I go to grab my diaper bag and my one bag of Target goods so I can pretty much bolt and carrying her out of there...and then she just stops. She's fine. She realizes we are going out where the big red concrete balls are! She is lucky I was warm, I let her run around outside the front of Target for 25 mins between the balls, by the carts, up on the curb on the side of the building, back down the the balls, over to the tree...Mommy's laughing now, Maggie's running and laughing and looking oh so cute...so that would be our first official tantrum! Dear God, If you know what's good for me, please don't let there be a 2nd. Ha

No Manual? Really?

2009-11-18T12:04:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today about all the jobs and schooling I've had. In each job or school, they give you instructions or training or books or tests. Yearly reviews...time clocks...dress codes...cheat sheets...refresher courses....So why on God's green earth when Aj and I pulled away from the hospital about 16 months ago with a LIFE in our backseat was there no test? no training? no manual? not even an instruction pamphlet? They were more worried that I HAD to be wheeled out in a wheel chair for safety reasons and that our car seat was installed correctly. The lady that checked the car seat tugged on the straps, wow that did alot! Anywho, parenting IS flying by the seat of your pants. The more I read and googled sometimes, the more frustrated I became. Oh and comparing your kid to someone else's, big no no. They are all so not the same. My daughter is 16 months old and I'm sure she isn't the only one who eats 6 princess noodles and could care less about food. She still takes bottles, they are nutrients for a non-food could-give-a-hoot baby. She still sleeps with a paci and blanket. Neither of which bug me. What's the crime in wanting to soothe? What's the crime in wanting her blanket to sleep with? I want a quilt and I'm 32 yrs old. She is so not ready to start potty training, I just KNOW she isn't. She's too little in my opinion. The Moms that have kids walking, talking and potty trained at a year must be saints or psychos...cuz I haven't a clue how they did it.
Seems insane to me. I have a sense or feeling about what Maggie needs and when. I KNOW I'm doing good, but what a hard job. It's not like you can quit your job cuz it's not going well, you are a MOM. This job never ends. No one could possibly prepare you for this, wow... so, someone already figured that part out and that's why they just let you drive off (probably laughing) with your baby and just wave goodbye...what could they possibly have told me? What could they possibly have said to make me GET IT? Like, "Hey good luck, it's the toughest most awesome job you'll ever have and you'll cry alot and love alot more?". No wonder there's no manual, I felt so happy to be a Mommy it wouldn't have mattered anyways! Like I'd have read it!

2 hrs of tv

2009-11-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

1 16 month old on the go daughter,
2 on their way to be ours puppies,
1 husband...

am I nuts?
:)

anywho, 2 hrs of tv, if I walked on my treadmill for 2 hrs...anywho, going to sit and ENJOY my family and our tv schedule!

WHAT IF?

2009-11-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

Aj and I, off the wall really, while stuffing our faces with some Chick Fil A...and sharing fries with Maggie (healthy snack)...brought up that we haven't made a will yet. What if something would happen? Oh, it just can't. Seriously, we want to raise Maggie. We are her parents. She needs us. We need her. I need her more than anything. God knows my prayers and he knows that if something were to happen what I'd want. No one will love her as much as I do. Only thing that comes close I'm sure is God's love for her. I want my sister to be Maggie's guardian if something were to happen to me and AJ. But again, I'm her Mom and I want to raise her and watch her graduate and get married and have kids and...and...and...you get me here. But, what if? Two little small words that could change everything. Two little small words that could completely destroy things as we know it. Two little small words that are really the worst two words in the whole wide world.. Two little small words 'What if'? We know people that have had what if's happen to them, we are not safe from what ifs...but I want to be.

Thankful with a Headache

2009-11-13T11:05:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for Maggie.
I'm thankful that Maggie is healthy.
I'm thankful for Grey's Anatomy.
I'm thankful Izzy was on the show last night.
I'm thankful for Diet Mnt Dew.
I'm thankful for being 'able' to stay home.
I'm thankful that Maggie is napping because I dont feel so good.

I'm not thankful that my nephew has the flu...ugh

Today, I'm just trying to put a positive spin on just about everything because I'm not feeling too positive...hmmm...maybe it's my headache?!
See, even my blog suffers. SnOrE!

never the right temperature

2009-11-12T11:21:00.000-08:00

I used to love the cold, with Maggie now, um, not so much...
Takes longer to get ready to leave...check the weather, dress accordingly, bundle up...pack extra gloves and a hat (just in case)...nevermind thinking about how I'm dressed...today, thought I'd be warm, had on t-shirt, jeans and flip flops..step outside and it's cold...Maggie is dressed perfectly. I am not. But do I waste time going back in to put on a sweatshirt, socks and shoes? No. Keep moving. It's a feat just getting outta the house at the time you wanted to, so freeze. Turn the heat up in the car on your frozen tootbugs and drive. Not that bigga deal, right? I get warmed up eventually because Maggie is on the go and places now have their heat cranked sooooooo much I'd be sweating if I wore much more...I just can't win. Maybe a good start would be just putting the flip flops away for winter...hmmm...now there's a thought:) Seems no matter what I do, I'm the opposite temperature I'm supposed to be...think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. Thanks for listening to my rant...

date nights do help

2009-11-08T12:08:00.001-08:00

Didn't think it was a big deal to MISS a few date nights, by missing, I'm saying like months since a date night...well, not true, much needed re-connect adult time with my hubby...
who'd a thunk, it worked:) We are in a better place already! Little drive to New Buffalo, change of scenery, long drive to just talk and sing and blab...dinner at The Stray Dog...couple adult beverages...laughing about Maggie, talking...fish taco binge...walking outside, holding hands...browsed the Gear store...found a sweatshirt I want for xmas...orange hoodie...walked by the little marina by the restaurant...laughed pretty hard about the last time we were at The Stray Dog... this memory will be better than the last thank goodness...drove home talking about pretty much whatever and singing country music...came home and got comfy in our pj's...watched some tv...didn't have a bedtime to worry about...wink wink nod nod...fell asleep...woke up...picked up Maggie about 10:00 this morning...as much fun as we had we missed her soooo much...she could have cared less...she was all about her MiMi this morning...came home and cooked out on the grill for lunch...Maggie played in the leaves again and in her little princess car...came in for naptime...i get to have alone computer time while watching The Bears lose...aj is outside doing boy stuff, cleaning up the backyard and the leaves, throwing away the rotting pumpkins...good weekend......
THIS is what it's all about:)