I'm a thief

I LOVE reading others' blogs, I love reading books, I love watching TV and I love watching movies...BUT
here's the thing, I steal things from them...I want to make them a part of me. I want to use lines from movies, I think it's funny. I want to cry when I read a book because I'm there with them. I want to steal other's blog ideas cuz they have made me think of me somehow. It's not that I can't come up with something on my own necessarily but it sparks something in me...is it actually stealing? or just being inspired?
So if you are reading my blog, by chance, and you say hey wait, i've done that, well you probably have and I have tweaked it to be my own...don't be mad or angry with me, know you've touched my life in some little way:) and THAT should make you happy I'm a thief:)

home crap home

I was thinking of the movie Money Pit...then I look around my house and here's what I see that needs to be done. I'm not complaining. I have a great little house. These are just things I need to do, want to do, should have done already or need money to do:
Front porch leans and half the windows don't close unless you have serious strength to shut them, really needs paint.
Living room needs curtains.
Dining room curtains need a major bath.
Carpets need to be cleaned.
Kitchen, oh my...I need a new, bigger kitchen! I have a gold stove, still works but not right. Dishwasher is new but should have returned it when it was still under warrantee, Aj is trying to make it work...the fridge sounds like there's a monster in there trying to get out. The floor would be super nice If I fuckin' mopped it! Don't wanna. Along the lines of the don't wanna, I never wanna clean the bathrooms! Seriously the thought of it, well, lets just say I'm a sucky house cleaner when it comes to that, I put it off until I can't stand it anymore, or my sister says something along the lines of, Um, Kenj, disgusting! You don't have to worry I clean the duh obvious parts that would affect you if you stop by to use my john...it's the tub and floor you shouldn't eat off of! Ha, and if you were to do that anyways in a bathroom, you've got more problems than I have time to discuss right now:)
Windows throughout the house need updating, huge expense. Draft coming thru that moves the plastic that is still on from last winter, why take them down now? It's almost winter again!!
Back door doesn't shut if it's not locked...
Downstairs needs to be finished, ha. Now that's funny...and right now there's a tiny little lake that needs sopping up. Fabulous.
Home Crap Home!

Mom Speak

Periodically, I'm going to just put a few phrases in my blog...these are phrases that you would never have imagined in a million years you'd say. These sentences will never be in any English classes. If someone were just learning English, this would be a nightmare. My sister and I would love to write a book with these in it...With kids, comes Mom Speak, yes, that's what we're gonna call it.

Set down your monkey and get out of the fish bowl.

Don't use the banana to wipe your butt.

Stop jumping on the remote.

Enjoy!

work in progress

I feel like I'm such a different person than I was in say High School. I remember being really "jolly" for lack of a better term. I didn't feel anxious about much of anything. I remember not getting annoyed so easily. I remember feeling ok just being me. Why with age does this seem harder. I thought with age you become more of who you really are. I feel on most days that I'm content but there's something else nagging at me...what is it exactly? If I knew, I'd "fix" it. Is it always going to be there? Is it something I'm supposed to understand? If it's you God, I need a better painted picture or a kick in the head. I don't think I've heard the voice of God ever. I feel like I get a nudge to make a decision or a "gut instinct" to not do something...but do I hear an actual voice? No. Do people just say that cuz it's the right thing to say? Or do they actually "hear" a voice that tells them what to do or not do? I've read so many magazine articles where someone says "that was the day I changed my life" or "it was my ah ha moment"...maybe mine just isn't here yet...I could not feel complete and be a work in progress for the rest of my earthly life....now that is a thought too deep to ponder at the moment...we'll come back to that some other time (maybe). For now, I'm going to read my book and dive into someone else's world...cuz I can.

Still hungry? Eat more veggies and fruit.

So, I'm a fat ass.
I weigh more now than when I went to the hospital to have Maggie. Then I was huge, now I'm hugER!
Here's the thing, I don't like to exercise and I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Well yes, it is. Because I let how I look get to me. I'm not happy being a fatty fatty 2 by 4 can't fit thru the dressing room door...well not that bad ,YET, anyway! I have a back that hurts most days out of the week, I use it as an excuse to lay around, when in actuality, I'm sure only makes it worse. If I could get some of this fat off my gut, my back would thank me.
I need to be a healthy person to lead by example for Maggie, I need to lose 77 lbs. It's a number, I shouldn't focus on a number, but nothing else is seeming to work for me. I say, Oh I'll change a few little things and nothing happens. I start walking, take 2 days off and say what's the point?!No, the point is to not quit, just get out there the next day. Just make me a priority. I used having a baby as an excuse too. I can come up with some pretty good excuses to be fat. But then it makes me sad, why would I continue to be this way? I couldn't even tell you how many times I've not wanted to go somewhere because of the fear of running into someone and them seeing me like this. Two people, that I know of, have asked if I'm pregnant. First time , I was in shock. Second time, I came home and thought, well no shit, I do look pregnant. I have a huge f'in belly. Who else has a huge belly except pregnant woman?! Anywho, I'm supposed to weigh between 111 and 150. I haven't been 111 in my entire life, so obviously that isn't for me. But I was 140 in high school, playing 3 sports and eating whatever I wanted. So I'm a guessin' now I'd be pretty damn happy with 150! What a nice cute sounding number. I've never wanted to be a rail, I have hips, I have boobs, I would call myself thick...150 hot! I don't wanna shop in fat girl stores anymore, I don't wanna buy clothes that have 2 digits and If it happens to be two digits, those digits better start with a 1 instead of a 2 for the love of everything. So I read diet and exercise crap online yesterday, I learned alot, I need to change alot, I need to make my health a habit. After eating the recommeded calories for me to lose 2 lbs a week, if I'm still hungry, they said, Eat more veggies and fruit! They get paid the big bucks, cuz I would not have ever thought of this. I would have complained and ate a bowl full of doritoes and fell off the band wagon in about a week....This is not something that is apparently ingrained in me, but I would like it to be. I wanna move every day and eat so I don't feel guilt. This should be easy. I already have anxiety and feelings of loss...loss over food. That is sad! I'm not losing food, I can eat veggies and fruit, but why do I feel like part of me is grieving. It's a weird feeling. I don't think anyone skinny would understand. My feeling sexy , good about myself, not embarrased to be seen by someone from my past, losing this chin, not having someone think I'm pregnant, buying non fat person clothes, and god forbid not feeling tired and schlubby all the time...these are things I want, I don't wanna hold myself back anymore because I'm a fat ass! I'm worth it, only 77 lbs to go! All this pouring out of my fat soul has made me hungry...I think I'll go eat some peas, oh wait, I have no veggies in the house...maybe a banana, oh wait, they all went bad before I ate them...apparently I need to go to the store! Ugh.

Cop's Wife?!

On a daily basis, I forget I'm married to a cop. He works 10pm-6am, which is when I'm asleep. Maybe that is why it is not really something I think about, but then...last night a drunk bastard head butts him in his eye...I know it's not life threatening and it could be a lot worse, but how dare you? His eye is black and swollen shut! He is a cop. I could never do his job, never. I am not the run into the fight to break it up kind of girl, that is for sure. I would run the other way from some of the shit my hubby has to be right in the center of. Cops get a bad rap. The news shows only when cops fuck up. That's not fair, on a daily basis there are tons of GOOD cops, doing their job, keeping us safe, taking a beating or god forbid even getting killed trying to do all this!! Aj works in the dark with bad people while I am asleep...THANK GOD FOR HIM and all the others out there, without them, I really would hate to see how the world would be. I've heard so many people say "I hate cops"...how can you say that? Oh , right, when the cops "catch" you doing something wrong, then you hate THEM. Blaim yourself butthole. Do right things, cops leave you alone. duh. Seems pretty simple to me. Cops don't make the laws, they just try inforce them. If you break a law, it's the cops duty to tell you hey dumbass, stop it! You just wait for the day when you NEED a cop to help you, then I hope you realized you don't hate cops. My cop has to 'suit' up and load his gun before stepping out the door for work, what do you do? Light up your cig, turn on your tunes and drive to work without a care in the world? You're able to do that because of the things you don't see going on that cops put up with! Man, the longer I write, the more pissed I'm getting...anywho, moral of the story, I'm married to a cop, it scares the bejeeberz out of me, and if anyone so as looks at him in a way I don't like, well, you're lucky it's illegal for me to kill you! :) I'm proud of my husband. I think what he does is insane, but I support him 100% because he's known since he was a little bugger that this is what he wanted to do. He's a cop and my husband and I love him for both!

fluffer

I hold the record for fluffing the same load of laundry in the dryer 6 times. No shit. 6 times. I rule! It can't be good for the clothes, yet, I do it. I'm sorry threads, I'll try to be better. Please forgive me.