Momma Kenj

This blog is also hogface inspired...I never had nicknames growing up that stuck. Good thing too. I really never 'wanted' one because I love the name Kendra. Anywhos.....
My first one ever was KeKe, the Prgomelja kids couldn't say Kendra...that was a cute one but that stopped after they could say my name. Sometimes my aunt will still write KeKe to be cute, but it didn't stick. It went away as they grew up...bummer.
I had a few that people just gave me that were dumb and I didn't like...
One I remember, Goon, was from my junior high basketball coach cuz I think I missed a lay up or something and he was like What are you doing.......Goon? (I think he was mad but couldn't cuss)
At some point when Brian, Shana and Kiana lived with me(that's a whole nuther story in itself ha) they started calling me Kenjie(Kiana was like 7 or 8 and that's what she called me)...which eventually shortened up to Kenj...I think Kenj stuck cuz Will could say it. I LOVE the nickname Kenj, esp when it's preceeded by Aunt.
I have a feeling Kenj is sticking with me because Will is now 4 and could very easily say Aunt Kendra, but how boring is that? I like being called Aunt Kenj so please keep calling me that Will, thank you.
Maggie can't call me Kenj. Well unless it follows Momma, Momma Kenj....maybe my best nickname is yet to come because it'll come from Maggie! :) hmmmm...I wonder what it'll sound like? :) Basically, anything she calls me will be my favorite I'm a guessin!!

Elmo Saves the Day!

It's like a diary for me, here in blog world, but today I can't think of anything I want to write about...sooo here's our day today...
Maggie's internal clock didn't get set back an hour, so we got up an hour 'earlier' for two days...her gums are swolt bigga time with some teefers coming in...poor girl...Maggie had a meltdown crying throwing herself back in the front yard when I tried to put her hat back on her...only thing that would soothe her long enough for me to make her a bottle was Elmo. I've been replaced by Elmo. Elmo can soothe Maggie and I can't, well at least today he did. Most days she wants me to be her comfort. That'll suck when that goes away...maybe it won't...Either way, Elmo really calmed her down, she was smiling and dancing and acting normal. I felt guilty for a minute, then realized how bad can it be? It's semi-educational, more so than say SpongeBob...so what's it hurt? It makes her happy and gives me a moment to breathe...La La La La La La La La Elmo's World, Elmo loves his gold fish, his crayons too, that's Elmo's World...Thank You Elmo:)
(Oh god, I know the Elmo's World song but probably not the most current song on the radio, officially a Mom? :) aggggghhhhhhh)

Aj...100 little snippets

1. is a cop
2. doesn't know his dad
3. quit school in high school (but got his GED)
4. met Jesse James and recently Vince Vaughn
5. loves Notre Dame, like way more than a human should be allowed
6. loves football
7. loves to watch movies
8. collects dvd's
9. collects patches
10. wants a harley
11. has tattoos
12. is a marked man for christ
13. was an alter boy
14. was in the army and the marine corp
15. has one half sister
16. saved a little black kitten from a river
17. was married before me
18. is sort of messy
19. plays computer games
20. is very smart with computers and their workings(unlike me)
21. wishes he was taller (poor punk only reaches 5 foot 8, taller than me so who cares)
22. has beautiful blue eyes (and so does Maggie)
23. looked mean the first night i met him and I thought he was with the girl he was talking to(now I know it's his good friend Di)
24.does not like to go shopping unless it involves movies, music or games
25. was a dive instructor
26. loves the water, loves to swim(again, unlike his 'doesn't know how to' wife)
27. would live anywhere warm if I'd move
28. is always cold
29. really does love me
30. will eat just about anything I cook for him
31. makes a mean bbq sauce
32. is the griller, he cooks alot in the summer
33. likes to tinker with motorcycles (he'd love to retire with a little motorcycle shop)
34. is a Pepsi drinker. Loves it even more than chocolate.
35. used to drink alot (before me)
36. provided the strength I needed to stop drinking like a looney woman!
37. can type pretty fast with two fingers, faster than some 'real' typers
38. makes me proud
39. looks dang good and important in his uniform
40. his car is one of my favorite smells...leather, traces of him, sunkissed citrus air freshener...OMG
41. wears cowboy boots
42. owes a gazillion t-shirts, mostly Harley, mostly all Black
43. is romantic when he thinks about it :)
44. is a great Daddy
45. has a great laugh, when he really laughs.
46. has my sense of humor, which is such a good thing
47. has written me poems
48. would be bald if I'd "let" him
49. has very muscular calves
50. has very broad shoulders, one of my favorite features besides those blue eyes:)
51. those broad shoulders are God given having girls around (Mommy and Maggie need them)
52. has been given an award for something we cannot discuss with anyone else (hee hee)
53. likes to eat GREEN bananas, if they have little brown spots, they don't taste good to him (but one bonus for us, I like them with the little brown spots. He gets the first few in the bunch and I get the last few...it just works)
54. loves him some movie butter popcorn
55. likes to watch the History Channel
56. snores
57. favorite restaurant: Hacienda
58. has a terrible habit of biting his nails, he HATES it, and so do I.
59. hates it when I deny myself of anything
60. wants so badly to be a good Daddy to Maggie
61. has a best friend that's still in the military and I think he misses him more than he lets on
62. is a boob guy (tmi?)
63. is alot like my sister, which is probably the reason I married him. God help us all:)
64. still has a hard time understanding my close-knit family, but he's slowly getting US:)
65. would still be in the military if it weren't for some loser butthead leader dude
66. wouldn't have met me if he wouldn't have left the military and then his wife and moved back home
67. followed his heart for his dream job
68. knew he wanted to be a cop since he was a little boy
69. his ideal dream job would be North Carolina State Trooper
70. but since he's here in IN with me, he still would like to try at being an IN State Trooper...
71. was a volunteer fireman
72. learned to text finally with a qwerty keyboard (he also had to tell me what qwerty was)
73. gets his feelings hurt alot but no one would ever probably know
74. has the same face almost 100% of the time, even when joking...very hard for me sometimes
75. knows 89% of all Jeopardy question answers
76. it pisses me off :)
77. is a guy that cries when it matters, I like this about him.
78. does not like olives, green or black, no way.
79. is really smart
80. is not handy by nature, but he can read just about any book or manual and figure it out
81. was named after AJ Foyt
82. hates the name Anthony or Tony
83. barely ever calls me Kendra, when he does, it still sounds weird.
84. has military ingrained quirks that still are a part of him after all this time (i.e. folding his white shirts into the smallest little tight rectangles ish shapes)
85. uses military time, has his watch set on it and thinks it's easier than 'normal' time
86. has played the drums on a cd, like an actual recorded cd that you can purchase.
87. can sing. With a little help, he'd be a bad county karoake singer (that's what I told him cuz I'm jealous...really he's not half bad when he doesn't know I'm listening or when he's trying too hard)
88. likes outside in the garage-boy-stuff
89. can sit in one place for hours
90. fidgets alot though
91. steals my side of the bed, when i'm not in bed with him.
92. has read the whole Left Behind Series
93. all time favorite TV show: Cheers (needs it on dvd still too)
94. likes cops shows
95. likes anything dealing with gangs (movies, tv shows, books...)
96. has never been 'drunk' in front of me, this i'd still like to see, poor guy was always my DD
97. can cut a rug, has pretty good rhythm...but only when a few beers are in his system would he do this in public:)
98. is a guy I'd marry all over again, even with all our 'differences'!
99. believes in God
100. is a fast runner for a big dude!

a Stove can change a person...

The other night I put in a frozen pizza, ok enough comments from the peanut gallery, and it burned black in 15 mins...our stove is a very old beautiful gold stove from the 50's probably and everything we cook has to be turned up 5-10 degrees and cooked longer than any recipe recommends...you get used to the nuances...but I put the pizza in like I have done now probably hundreds of times since I moved into my house. So the fact that we've known that the stove is going to take a crap one day, it still shocks the hell outta ya when you open the door after your little 99 cent timer from Ikea goes off and you find a black pizza. Some pepperonis were salvageable, so aj says. Anywho, that leads me to having a huge 'discussion' with my hubby about money and buying a new stove...
I still feeling guilt for not working a job that pays me money. I knew the money for a new stove would have to come out of the "I'm working over-time and picking up extra jobs to save for a Harley fund"...I liked that Aj was being responsible and making extra money for something he's wanted for so long. It basically boiled down to, I realized my husband really is the provider and God gave him those extra jobs for a reason, yes, it's just a stove, but otherwise, we'd not be able to go get one. After I had my little fit about feeling bad about 'taking' his money for a stove and Aj just about wanting to ring my neck says "it's just money and you and Maggie are way more important than any Harley, it's not a big thing, we need a stove or anything else for that matter and it's my job to provide for my family and I'm ok with it, you should be too, just let it go and I'll take care of it...we made the decision to have you stay home with Maggie and you need to not feel guilt for that...you have the hardest job of all, let the guilt go..."
I let it go. It's like a HUGE weight was lifted off my chest...well, some of the weight was because I didn't eat any burnt too :)

The baby I never met...

For some reason today I'm thinking of my miscarriage with my 1st pregnancy. I haven't thought about it in soooooo long. Not worth the upsetting feelings I get, I guess. Maybe it's because Aj and I have been trying to give Maggie a sibling for about...hmmm....this will be month 5 of 'trying'...I know, it's God's plan not mine. I want Maggie to experience all the goods and bads of having a sibling. I want her to be a Big Sister like I am. I want her to get pissed at her kid sister or brother when they lose her favorite sweatshirt they took without asking to the beach of all places and lost it...or someone stole it or whatever. I want Maggie to have to drive him/her to school and roll her eyes at her sibling only taking 5 mins to get ready when she got up an hour early to get ready for school. I want her to know what it feels like down the road to be an aunt. Aj and I are not necessarily old, but we are no spring chickens. I'll be what mid 60's when Maggie is 30? Anything could happen and I want Maggie to have a sister's shoulder to cry on if something should happen to me or Aj. Aj is a cop, anything could happen at any moment. Anywho, my point, I had a feeling the baby we lost was a girl. I know it didn't work out for a reason. I know I'm not supposed to ask why. I know I'm supposed to forget it, but she'll always be with me in some way. I don't think it's something that just disappears. I'll always probably wonder what she would have been like...but on the other hand it makes me appreciate what God gave me in Maggie. Maggie is perfect. I love her sooo much. I think losing a baby makes you realize how important God is in the whole plan too. He gave me Maggie for keeping an open heart even after a really terrible time....I'm just really hoping that wasn't our only chance at having two kids, I hope God is up there smiling with a little smirk and knows something I don't know :)

It's a Blaggie, It's a Bloggie, It's 1 for you Maggie!

Dear Maggie,
You made me know what real love is. I thought I knew what love was until you came into my life. It's insane love. It's a wonderful feeling. You'll know what I mean someday. I also realized by having you how much my Mom (your Mimi) loves me. Love is a strong thing, and without you I don't think I'd be a whole person. I didn't even know what I was missing until you.
People told me before you were born that you'd change everything. Well you have. It's not a bad thing at all. I don't know now what I did without you. You make my heart wanna sing. You make me laugh for real. There are laughs at things that are funny and then there's how you make me laugh, it's on a whole nuther planet girl. You just do these things that are so YOU. You are quite sassy and serious too, which makes me laugh. When you're older, I'm not sure laughing at you when you are serious will be a good thing, but we'll cross that bridge together someday soon I'm sure. No matter what happens in your life or mine, always know that I love you. I'm proud to be your Mommy.
You are at a point right now in your life that you are trying so hard to talk. You say some words: Baw (Ball), Poppa, Maaameee (Mommy), Dadda, Wheeow (Will), MeeMee (Mimi), ah (on)...and today while I was drinking my Diet Mountain Dew you said plain as day "pop"! You are so smart and catch onto stuff so quickly. Dadda taught you "you're going to jail" in like 3 times, you put your hands on your head...too cute. You do "touchdown", which took all of like 5 minutes for you to do. You are such a joy and you make every day new, it would be awesome if it could be like this forever...but you'll grow up...ok crying now...and if we do our job right, you'll prosper and go your own way and be smart and successful and marry some boy that won't ever deserve you...so maybe if we do a bad job, you'll just stay with us forever...But I wouldn't tell anyone that because I'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over well...hmmm...that'll be our little secret:) Ha.
I love you , you little stink:)
Mommy

Patience and Anger...led to Fruit!

I had some things weighing heavily on my mind while I was out walking today, even though all I said to God was "Thank you for Fall, it's so nice out"...I don't like being a nag, so I just thanked him for what I saw...and some of what is bothering me doesn't even have to do with me, but I'm affected by it...Patience and Anger. I am not one that knows bible verses by heart or what book they're in, but I remember small little phrases somehow...So, I Googled "Slow to Speak" and found these...I would have opened my Bible, but it's in the room where Aj is asleep, so Google worked for me:)

Psalm 37: 7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage. Do not lose your temper- it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Ephesians 4: 31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

James 1: 19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

After reading what I thought was weighing heavily with me because of others around me, well I get smacked in the face with my own 'Quick to Speak' moments especially when I get tired or am frustrated...it's easy to do to the ones I love because I know they'll forgive me and love me anyway, but that doesn't make it right. God wouldn't do that and neither should I. Easier said than done sometimes, but I am going to make a point to ask for help and try to do better. While blogging, the Fruit of the Spirit came to mind, normally not something I think about, but obviously it's in my head for a reason. I don't know where the Fruits of the Spirit are in the Bible and I'm not going to click over to Google it because I vaguely remember a song from going to vacation bible school when I was a kid. It goes a somethin like this, and a 1 and a 2: You gotta have Love, Joy, Peace, Patience and Kindness for this is the fruit of God's *clap* spirit...You gotta have Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control for this is the fruit of God's *clap* spirit...or something like that, it's been awhile! (I remembered when to clap though)...anywho...9 things I have to remember on a daily basis, that's surely not asking much!