Letter to Granny

Granny,
You are still here and I'm so thankful. It hit me the other day what a fighter you are. You are the person I think of often that makes me happy. You are a vivid involved memory to me of my childhood. Some don't have that with their grandmas, and that makes me sad. You were MY Granny but I know soooo many people you were their 'Granny' too. You love everyone no matter what. You are to me the picture of what a christian woman should be. You live 20 minutes from me and I don't make time to come see you even once every other week, that is about to change. I have the fortunate blessing that I am still friends with Brian Dukehart. You sent him a birthday card and what you said in it made him cry. People know you genuinely care about them even if they don't tell you. I have memories of you that go back as far as I can remember. You picked me up from school if I was sick. You watched us after school so mom was able to work. You didn't beat me&Steven even when we drew with colors(not chalk)all over your patio&glued construction paper to your concrete basement walls. You came into my 1st grade classroom and taught us kids to candlewick. You were at every sporting event I was ever in, I honestly don't remember you missing ANY. When mom threw her back out and couldn't move, you were the one to come to my 6th grade graduation breakfast. You always had coloring books&games, which I still love even now at 34 years old! I know what a sports nut is because of you and March Madness&Kentucky! oh and thanks for making me a wheel-of-fortune&Jeopardy addict:) I have no clue how you cooked for all those people on thanksgiving&when it was time to eat it was all ready at the same time&piping hot, there were like 40 people there!! You always had your nails done in a frosty pinkish color. I can hear the 'twisting clinky sound' of your rings rubbing together when you are thinking about something. I wonder what you are thinking about so intently. Why didn't I ever ask? You and your sunporch, ha, every morning, even when it was cold, you'd be bundled up in your robe with your bible&cigarettes, it's just how you look to me, comfortable&doing your own thing! Do you have ANY regrets in your life? I know your kids and grandkids are probably your favorite thing about life, and if it isn't, well you always made me feel like I was, so thank you. Gosh, you let us live with you, all of us, one of us, another one of us at any given time, and you always made it feel like home. You cooked the best meatloaf! Oh and your eggs always tasted better than any I've ever had anywhere else. White Shoulders perfume is one scent I will always associate with you, so don't wear anything else, it's just not how my Granny smells:) Anyways, I guess I should not blog all this and I should just call you, nope not a phone call, wouldn't be able to tell you all of this without crying, maybe I'll write you a good old fashioned letter, not a print out from one of these crazy computer things 'you'll never understand!" (sorry my hand surgery got in the way of writing you this). It's been hard thinking about you not being around, I never thought you wouldn't be. Then stupid cancer came on. grrrrrr. I need Granny here. The world needs Granny here...Made me angry, made me sad, made me frustrated...then I also felt comfort because I know exactly where you are going.

shud i have anonymous blog

i have so much on my mind at any given time, it's kinda sickening. i have things i probably should say out loud. things i for sure shouldn't say out loud. when i get worked up or pissed off, i cry. why is that? and becuz i cry, it makes me more mad and then i cry more because i don't want to cry when i'm pissed and want to get my point across without crying. did you get all that? then, when i type my right hand gets all pins&needley from my loveable carpal tunnel symdrome i need surgery on. don't wanna get surgery yet, that's what i said 2 years ago, because it's my RIGHT hand , my dominate hand, my butt wiping hand, my strong hand and it'll be none of those things for awhile after surgery but then i could type and blog and sleep on my right side without this annoying pain, it's just on the verge of going to sleep pins and needles but not quite asleep, then i get like electricity running thru it sensation too which is more annoying than painful but painful in its own right, don't wanna downplay the pain here cuz at times i wannna scream especially when it wakes me up at night and mama don't wanna be woken up if there isn't a baby hollering for me cuz mama needs sleep or mama bitchy. ok so what was the point of this? oh yes, anonymous blog or not? dammit see, my hands asleep.......kfjadsoifdo[sihsdofasofasuf[osdfij (this is how i type cuss dirty word) UPDATE: June 1st, 2012 - I had carpal tunnel surgery. and I don't do an anonymous blog. Thank you.

Adele,U make me Happy

How can just a couple songs make my week sooooooo much better?