laundry with a side of guilt

Just because my dryer is now fixed, Does that mean I have to DO the laundry?
This seems like such a simple question or that maybe I am joking, but I thought about it at least 4 times today...is that bad? It was a real thought, for real!
I felt guilty, so I put in a load....why must there be guilt associated with laundry?
See, another perplexing thought...should dirty laundry really make me feel guilty?
Is it guilt that I'm feeling? Oh wait, I know what it is, I have no clean unders to wear tomorrow, and we can't have that!!

Hardest thing for me...

Being a Stay-at-Home Mom is really hard some days. People that haven't ever done it, don't judge. I used to think Stay-at-Home Mom's had it made...getting to do whatever they want, whenever they want. Now that I am home, that is so not the case. It's hard work. I'm the Mom 24-7. You're always ON. I look forward to nap time just to have some alone time. I look forward to bedtime so I can read without being interrupted. It sounds so petty, but...just sayin! I can't imagine if my baby had real issues, I guess God does give us what we can handle, but some days I don't 'handle' very well. This is the hardest job I've ever had. I have to be the decision maker, the chef, the reader, the bather, the jump outta bed in the middle of the night to a crying babyer...So many hats, and I'm not that kind of person. I'm not wired to wear alot of hats and I think that is why I get so frustrated so easily. I always liked jobs where I was behind-the-scenes. I like being told what to do, how to do it and when it needs to be done. It's just me. I would NEVER be a manager, a boss, a leader, a look at me I'm running for Mommy of the Year...I was once a supervisor of a small department and I hated every minute of it. I don't want to tell people what to do, I don't like confrontation and I really don't like people looking to me for the answers. I did a really good job at faking supervising. I had answers, they were good ones, but as soon as I knew the eyes were on me, my palms would start to sweat! I got good at hiding being nervous. I guess that's what I'm doing with being a Mom, I'm getting good at figuring it out...I hate attention too and OH BOY no one told me babies bring on alot of attention, from people you know and from strangers! I sometimes walk through the grocery store with my head a little down or really focused forward so STRANGERS won't wanna talk and TOUCH my baby and ask me a bunch of questions about her...why would they care anyway? I don't know them, I don't care about them, is that wrong? My baby and me are fine just the two of us doing our shopping...can I put a sticker on my shirt that says I don't talk and my baby hates you?? That would be too much wouldn't it? But you get what I mean, yes? Mommying is hard work, maybe not for everyone, but for me it's the hardest thing I've ever done because I am the boss! HMMM

proud big sister

I will never be my little sister, which is okay, because if we were the same, we probably wouldn't get along very well. We have two very different personalities that compliment each other very well. Enough so that I'd call her my best friend. We've fought to the point of tears, we've laughed to the point of crying and it's made us better people because of it. She likes sweets, I like salt. She is comfortable with being the center of attention and I'd rather gnaw my limbs off than be put on the spot! Probably both to a fault, she speaks her mind and I hold stuff in.
My mom told me that my first day of school, she thought "if anyone hurts her feelings I'll kill em"and I was all smiles and Mom wanted to mean-mug all the kids, like don't you even think about it...On my sister's first day of school, she thought "I hope she doesn't hurt anyone"...mom thought Jenna'd just march in there and take charge, but while walking her down the hall to her classroom the grip on my mom's hand got harder and harder as the classroom got nearer, it made my mom wanna cry...THAT IS HOW I SEE MY BABY SISTER and I've always known she's needed protecting...the rough wall is just a coping mechinism, I've always sorta found pride in the fact that I'm on the same side as her, I only had to climb over that wall once. :)

fat frustration

Seems like I can only be motivated for weeks at a time, I get mucho discouraged very easily it seems. I have changed quite a few things and I've lost .6 of a pound. How is that even possible? Maggie and I have been walking 30-40 mins a day...I've changed up eating doritoes for breakfast for the love of God...I eat vegetables and fruit... whole grain bread...I tend to snack on nuts and a piece of string cheese instead of um, hello, doritoes...I don't drink regular pop...Not that into sweets...I now drink soy milk because ever since I had Maggie I'm lactarded...I've started drinking ALOT more water...my portion sizes are smaller...trying to make better choices...and .6 of a pound, not even 1 pound...WHATEVER!
Why even try???? I wanna set a good example for Maggie before it's too late but come on!!!!
Our family-style Biggest Loser finale is December 1st and I thought I'd be way more along than this...plus we don't have the moolah to put into for the winner...the other participants better not be losing any weight...so it better be Aj or I or...hmmm...yes, that's it, I'll make Aj win ! :) What I can't seem to do, make my husband do...that's like a golden rule or something right? :)

I get annoyed easily it seems...

Even thought I love Maggie so much, there are days I get so irritated SO quickly.
I feel bad two seconds after it happens, but I still get annoyed...with her, with whatever mess, and then at myself! Mostly at myself for not just rolling with the punches. I mean come on, what do I really have to complain about?!
Jenna and Will came over and we made pancakes for breakfast, of course Maggie took one bite, then after that spits it out. She didn't get her eating habits from me or Aj, that is fo' sho'!
The kid is seriously NOT interested in food, she could pretty much care less if she ever sat in her high chair and got food. Don't get me wrong, she likes her bottle, but even then sometimes doesn't finish the whole thing...WTF. I can only control so much of what she does and I want her to eat food...she's not malnurished or under-weight, so I guess I should just realize she'll do what she wants, when she wants!
Will cracks me up, we all go to the library and were getting outta the car and he says " my hands smell stink!" (hall righty then).
Maggie likes going to the library, I don't really, but it's good for her to get out of the house...right?! ha Today she colored her first little page...all with a brown crayon. awwww. I saved it. Then she wanted to throw the crayons in the trash can because someone caffeinaholics had thrown like 12 cans away and the crayons were making a clinking sound as she tossed them in...too fun for Maggie, not for MomMom cuz I didn't want the mean lie-berry lady to yell at us:)
Then the 4 of us went to Chick Fil A, cuz daddy's got pain yo, and had lunch...
oh wait when we were leaving the library, Maggie stepped off the curb and fell over/sat down in a rain puddle, so we had to do a cosume change before we left to go to lunch. Seriously just this morning, I thought, I can take this change of clothes out of the diaper bag becuz Maggie hasn't had an accident or needed to change clothes in like 6 months...but thank God I forgot and didn't take them out, cuz go figure today she'd fall in a puddle and need a dry outfit! Ha Her pants, socks and shoes were soaked....so we went to chick fil a with dry outfit and no shoes on the tootbugs! I think hillbillies do that, but here I was stuffin my face and my kid was shoeless. :)
She kills me...she ate some fries, spit them out after she mooooshed them around in her mouth for awhile, then took a bottle. Sat on the table and "marcha marcha marcha" on Auntie Jenn in the chest over and over thinking it was funny. they were playing, I wasn't just letting her 'kick' her. Maggie is a little roughy though. She gets that from her Dada for sure. She'll be right next to him laughing when people get hurt. I'm sure I shouldn't think it's funny, but oh well! I'd rather her be tough, than a sap like me.

I worry too much

Maggie falls and hurts her head, I worry that she won't sleep good or that she could have a concussion....
Aj leaves for work and I worry I won't see him in the morning...
Worrying is for the birds dammit.
Perspective is such a good thing, I'm so blessed in so many ways and on a daily basis I wanna bitch about something...
Anywho, my funny ass sister started a blog today and I wanna be like her, so ...so I started one too.
I'm sucha friggin dork.
<3 peace out