Thursday, June 17, 2010

i can't make this shit up

It's one of those...

(go to Walmart, get a cart that needs an alignment with a squeaky wheel, I'm too lazy to go trade it out for another cart, the princess wants to stand up in the cart or get out and walk, which doesn't make anything go at a pace I wish to keep, get done filling the cart with too much stuff I didn't even know we needed, go towards the check out lanes, and if you have ever been to WallyWorld you know there are at least 30, don't know why because on any given day there are only 4 open...anyways, there are 2 lanes and self check out open, I choose to stand in line because my back hurts on a daily basis thank you, I'm behind stinky-stretched out bra with holes in it-tank top wearing-scuzz bucket-lady, I'm breathing out my mouth trying not to take in her stench because I'm now blocked in, she gets done buying her cases of regular full throttle pop and Lean Cuisine meals and I can proceed, check out for me breathing threw any hole I choose goes fine, we push the alignment needing cart out, need to pass threw the 8 people in line for the RedBox they placed ever so cleverly at the exit door, stupid, and above movie getters don't exactly wish to move, I say excuse me twice before anyone budges, I push my cart out and it's raining, lovely, and my case of water falls off the front of my cart, ugh so i have to lift the 37 lb case of water an extra time, love that, get all my grocery bags in the cart, get the Midge strapped in her seat, nicely put cart in cart-corral which is right next to our car, I planned that, and jump in my seat to find there is something sticky now on my finger, sticky from the stupid cart handle I forgot to wipe off that I should have switched to begin with probably or it was on my car from someone other loser who wiped a booger on my handle thinking it'd be funny, either way I need a wet-nap, so I bust open my newly purchased Wet Ones that I'd already thrown in the diaper bag and the freakin bag rips, my hand is no longer sticky but now what do I do with the Wet Ones that won't close now, toss in cup holder so it doesn't leak anywhere, back up, almost hit old man, thank goodness i have back up sensors on my car, saved his precious life ha, pull out and drive down MY aisle and some jack ass is flying threw the parking lot, not in aisles, but cross ways over the empty parking spaces, i slam on my breaks and throw up in my mouth a little, make sure my baby's head is attached and no whip lash seems to be present and carry on...what i would do to that guy if i was a person who'd chase him down, just once i'd like to just take my car and go slam into someone like him, jackass, anywho...turn left by Culver's, get a hankerin for a big mess of a burger, but drive on by, take groceries home to make way into house, rains starts up again, right on cue, run baby onto the porch, take 'running' trips back and forth with groceries, a bag breaks and my egg carton falls out, splat, nice, great, wonderful, all but 2 are spared, you're lucky eggs, cuz I just about whipped the whole damn carton into a tree...would that have made me feel better?...anyways, time for nap, thank goodness, God invented naps for days like these. A break after a day of annoyances, smelly people and broken eggs, thank you God for children needing a nap so I can be lost in blog world venting, but grocery list on the fridge that should be empty now has Wet Ones on it AGAIN)

...days.

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