Szuba Funeral

What a long, sad, wonderful mixed up day. Aj and I left about 8:15am, needed to run the squad car thru a car wash and get to the funeral early for police staging. This sounds simple, right? Well there are 2 other cops getting their cars cleaned at the same car wash, one of which is leaving for New Carlisle to escort the family to the funeral. Ugh. We get to Bethel College and park literally bumper to bumper in the lot with all the police cars, packed in like sardines because there are so many cars. This is a good thing, but whoa. All officers and their families are sent into a gym to sign in, get coffee, mingle, cry, show their respects to one another etc. They have to have some organization and I don't know how they do it. We all have to line up to make our way over to the funeral for the casket walk by...Mishawaka Officers first, Honor Guard, K9 officers without their dogs, South Bend, St. Joe Co, Indiana Troopers, Notre Dame, all out of town officers...there is a lot of officers, um alot. Aj saw officers he hasn't seen since he was at The Academy. They all KNOW each other and haven't seen each other in a couple years!
We all have to walk over to the funeral at 11:00, carnations attached facing down ward under all officers' badges. It takes about an hour for all of us to walk through the officers outside who have brought their dogs. Alot brought their dogs, gulp. We all filed in past the casket and took our seats. The K9's filed by the caskets too, that was the first time I lost it for whatever reason, but the fact that Ricky(Szuba's K9 partner) had a pallbearer just got me. I counted the dogs walking by us, there was 139 and I'm sure I missed a few. Wow.
Catholic Service was long but very nice. Two sad songs were sung. Heaven Needed a Hero and Amazing Grace: A Police Tribute. :( Sad. Szuba's son, got up and talked about his dad. Gulp, tears :( Congressman Joe Donnelly presented the flag that flew over the Capitol to Mrs. Szuba. I think it was Szuba's chief, he got up and talked about both Jim and Ricky. He said in heaven, Ricky doesn't have to ride around in the back seat anymore, they can be side by side. Aww. The family not only lost Jim, they lost their family pet...never thought of it like that. They are going home to a really quiet house without their dog there.
After the funeral, we all had to file out and surround the hurse(sp?). Officers stood and saluted when the family followed the casket, dogs were all lined up...we were all dismissed to go to our cars to start the procession to the cemetery...K9's lined the entrance of the cemetery, bagpipes were playing, saluting, 21 gun salute, taps...so sad. All of us had to walk by the casket again, officers had placed their carnation on top of it, there was a huge mound of flowers...I had tears in my eyes and made the mistake of meeting the eyes of Mrs. Szuba...she was sobbing and shaking...need I say more? :(
I don't know what it must feel like to mourn with all this around you. It's such an awesome sight to see all the officer and K9s but YOUR husband is the one that isn't here anymore. You won't see him until you are called to heaven...How could she stand it? Even at home from the time he died, to the time of his burial, they had a cop in their driveway to show respect and also protect the family...I don't think there'd be a moment I could NOT cry....
It was a long day,I couldn't feel my toes because it was very cold out at the cemetery...but no room for me to complain, I am not a grieving widow. UGH. My kid didn't lose their dad. I just can't explain how I felt. I felt a connection to her and I don't even really know her...One of the things said during the funeral is that 'all officers spouses share an unspoken fear'...It's true. It's there. I have it.