Aj...100 little snippets

1. is a cop
2. doesn't know his dad
3. quit school in high school (but got his GED)
4. met Jesse James and recently Vince Vaughn
5. loves Notre Dame, like way more than a human should be allowed
6. loves football
7. loves to watch movies
8. collects dvd's
9. collects patches
10. wants a harley
11. has tattoos
12. is a marked man for christ
13. was an alter boy
14. was in the army and the marine corp
15. has one half sister
16. saved a little black kitten from a river
17. was married before me
18. is sort of messy
19. plays computer games
20. is very smart with computers and their workings(unlike me)
21. wishes he was taller (poor punk only reaches 5 foot 8, taller than me so who cares)
22. has beautiful blue eyes (and so does Maggie)
23. looked mean the first night i met him and I thought he was with the girl he was talking to(now I know it's his good friend Di)
24.does not like to go shopping unless it involves movies, music or games
25. was a dive instructor
26. loves the water, loves to swim(again, unlike his 'doesn't know how to' wife)
27. would live anywhere warm if I'd move
28. is always cold
29. really does love me
30. will eat just about anything I cook for him
31. makes a mean bbq sauce
32. is the griller, he cooks alot in the summer
33. likes to tinker with motorcycles (he'd love to retire with a little motorcycle shop)
34. is a Pepsi drinker. Loves it even more than chocolate.
35. used to drink alot (before me)
36. provided the strength I needed to stop drinking like a looney woman!
37. can type pretty fast with two fingers, faster than some 'real' typers
38. makes me proud
39. looks dang good and important in his uniform
40. his car is one of my favorite smells...leather, traces of him, sunkissed citrus air freshener...OMG
41. wears cowboy boots
42. owes a gazillion t-shirts, mostly Harley, mostly all Black
43. is romantic when he thinks about it :)
44. is a great Daddy
45. has a great laugh, when he really laughs.
46. has my sense of humor, which is such a good thing
47. has written me poems
48. would be bald if I'd "let" him
49. has very muscular calves
50. has very broad shoulders, one of my favorite features besides those blue eyes:)
51. those broad shoulders are God given having girls around (Mommy and Maggie need them)
52. has been given an award for something we cannot discuss with anyone else (hee hee)
53. likes to eat GREEN bananas, if they have little brown spots, they don't taste good to him (but one bonus for us, I like them with the little brown spots. He gets the first few in the bunch and I get the last few...it just works)
54. loves him some movie butter popcorn
55. likes to watch the History Channel
56. snores
57. favorite restaurant: Hacienda
58. has a terrible habit of biting his nails, he HATES it, and so do I.
59. hates it when I deny myself of anything
60. wants so badly to be a good Daddy to Maggie
61. has a best friend that's still in the military and I think he misses him more than he lets on
62. is a boob guy (tmi?)
63. is alot like my sister, which is probably the reason I married him. God help us all:)
64. still has a hard time understanding my close-knit family, but he's slowly getting US:)
65. would still be in the military if it weren't for some loser butthead leader dude
66. wouldn't have met me if he wouldn't have left the military and then his wife and moved back home
67. followed his heart for his dream job
68. knew he wanted to be a cop since he was a little boy
69. his ideal dream job would be North Carolina State Trooper
70. but since he's here in IN with me, he still would like to try at being an IN State Trooper...
71. was a volunteer fireman
72. learned to text finally with a qwerty keyboard (he also had to tell me what qwerty was)
73. gets his feelings hurt alot but no one would ever probably know
74. has the same face almost 100% of the time, even when joking...very hard for me sometimes
75. knows 89% of all Jeopardy question answers
76. it pisses me off :)
77. is a guy that cries when it matters, I like this about him.
78. does not like olives, green or black, no way.
79. is really smart
80. is not handy by nature, but he can read just about any book or manual and figure it out
81. was named after AJ Foyt
82. hates the name Anthony or Tony
83. barely ever calls me Kendra, when he does, it still sounds weird.
84. has military ingrained quirks that still are a part of him after all this time (i.e. folding his white shirts into the smallest little tight rectangles ish shapes)
85. uses military time, has his watch set on it and thinks it's easier than 'normal' time
86. has played the drums on a cd, like an actual recorded cd that you can purchase.
87. can sing. With a little help, he'd be a bad county karoake singer (that's what I told him cuz I'm jealous...really he's not half bad when he doesn't know I'm listening or when he's trying too hard)
88. likes outside in the garage-boy-stuff
89. can sit in one place for hours
90. fidgets alot though
91. steals my side of the bed, when i'm not in bed with him.
92. has read the whole Left Behind Series
93. all time favorite TV show: Cheers (needs it on dvd still too)
94. likes cops shows
95. likes anything dealing with gangs (movies, tv shows, books...)
96. has never been 'drunk' in front of me, this i'd still like to see, poor guy was always my DD
97. can cut a rug, has pretty good rhythm...but only when a few beers are in his system would he do this in public:)
98. is a guy I'd marry all over again, even with all our 'differences'!
99. believes in God
100. is a fast runner for a big dude!

a Stove can change a person...

The other night I put in a frozen pizza, ok enough comments from the peanut gallery, and it burned black in 15 mins...our stove is a very old beautiful gold stove from the 50's probably and everything we cook has to be turned up 5-10 degrees and cooked longer than any recipe recommends...you get used to the nuances...but I put the pizza in like I have done now probably hundreds of times since I moved into my house. So the fact that we've known that the stove is going to take a crap one day, it still shocks the hell outta ya when you open the door after your little 99 cent timer from Ikea goes off and you find a black pizza. Some pepperonis were salvageable, so aj says. Anywho, that leads me to having a huge 'discussion' with my hubby about money and buying a new stove...
I still feeling guilt for not working a job that pays me money. I knew the money for a new stove would have to come out of the "I'm working over-time and picking up extra jobs to save for a Harley fund"...I liked that Aj was being responsible and making extra money for something he's wanted for so long. It basically boiled down to, I realized my husband really is the provider and God gave him those extra jobs for a reason, yes, it's just a stove, but otherwise, we'd not be able to go get one. After I had my little fit about feeling bad about 'taking' his money for a stove and Aj just about wanting to ring my neck says "it's just money and you and Maggie are way more important than any Harley, it's not a big thing, we need a stove or anything else for that matter and it's my job to provide for my family and I'm ok with it, you should be too, just let it go and I'll take care of it...we made the decision to have you stay home with Maggie and you need to not feel guilt for that...you have the hardest job of all, let the guilt go..."
I let it go. It's like a HUGE weight was lifted off my chest...well, some of the weight was because I didn't eat any burnt too :)

The baby I never met...

For some reason today I'm thinking of my miscarriage with my 1st pregnancy. I haven't thought about it in soooooo long. Not worth the upsetting feelings I get, I guess. Maybe it's because Aj and I have been trying to give Maggie a sibling for about...hmmm....this will be month 5 of 'trying'...I know, it's God's plan not mine. I want Maggie to experience all the goods and bads of having a sibling. I want her to be a Big Sister like I am. I want her to get pissed at her kid sister or brother when they lose her favorite sweatshirt they took without asking to the beach of all places and lost it...or someone stole it or whatever. I want Maggie to have to drive him/her to school and roll her eyes at her sibling only taking 5 mins to get ready when she got up an hour early to get ready for school. I want her to know what it feels like down the road to be an aunt. Aj and I are not necessarily old, but we are no spring chickens. I'll be what mid 60's when Maggie is 30? Anything could happen and I want Maggie to have a sister's shoulder to cry on if something should happen to me or Aj. Aj is a cop, anything could happen at any moment. Anywho, my point, I had a feeling the baby we lost was a girl. I know it didn't work out for a reason. I know I'm not supposed to ask why. I know I'm supposed to forget it, but she'll always be with me in some way. I don't think it's something that just disappears. I'll always probably wonder what she would have been like...but on the other hand it makes me appreciate what God gave me in Maggie. Maggie is perfect. I love her sooo much. I think losing a baby makes you realize how important God is in the whole plan too. He gave me Maggie for keeping an open heart even after a really terrible time....I'm just really hoping that wasn't our only chance at having two kids, I hope God is up there smiling with a little smirk and knows something I don't know :)

It's a Blaggie, It's a Bloggie, It's 1 for you Maggie!

Dear Maggie,
You made me know what real love is. I thought I knew what love was until you came into my life. It's insane love. It's a wonderful feeling. You'll know what I mean someday. I also realized by having you how much my Mom (your Mimi) loves me. Love is a strong thing, and without you I don't think I'd be a whole person. I didn't even know what I was missing until you.
People told me before you were born that you'd change everything. Well you have. It's not a bad thing at all. I don't know now what I did without you. You make my heart wanna sing. You make me laugh for real. There are laughs at things that are funny and then there's how you make me laugh, it's on a whole nuther planet girl. You just do these things that are so YOU. You are quite sassy and serious too, which makes me laugh. When you're older, I'm not sure laughing at you when you are serious will be a good thing, but we'll cross that bridge together someday soon I'm sure. No matter what happens in your life or mine, always know that I love you. I'm proud to be your Mommy.
You are at a point right now in your life that you are trying so hard to talk. You say some words: Baw (Ball), Poppa, Maaameee (Mommy), Dadda, Wheeow (Will), MeeMee (Mimi), ah (on)...and today while I was drinking my Diet Mountain Dew you said plain as day "pop"! You are so smart and catch onto stuff so quickly. Dadda taught you "you're going to jail" in like 3 times, you put your hands on your head...too cute. You do "touchdown", which took all of like 5 minutes for you to do. You are such a joy and you make every day new, it would be awesome if it could be like this forever...but you'll grow up...ok crying now...and if we do our job right, you'll prosper and go your own way and be smart and successful and marry some boy that won't ever deserve you...so maybe if we do a bad job, you'll just stay with us forever...But I wouldn't tell anyone that because I'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over well...hmmm...that'll be our little secret:) Ha.
I love you , you little stink:)
Mommy

Patience and Anger...led to Fruit!

I had some things weighing heavily on my mind while I was out walking today, even though all I said to God was "Thank you for Fall, it's so nice out"...I don't like being a nag, so I just thanked him for what I saw...and some of what is bothering me doesn't even have to do with me, but I'm affected by it...Patience and Anger. I am not one that knows bible verses by heart or what book they're in, but I remember small little phrases somehow...So, I Googled "Slow to Speak" and found these...I would have opened my Bible, but it's in the room where Aj is asleep, so Google worked for me:)

Psalm 37: 7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage. Do not lose your temper- it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

Ephesians 4: 31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

James 1: 19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

After reading what I thought was weighing heavily with me because of others around me, well I get smacked in the face with my own 'Quick to Speak' moments especially when I get tired or am frustrated...it's easy to do to the ones I love because I know they'll forgive me and love me anyway, but that doesn't make it right. God wouldn't do that and neither should I. Easier said than done sometimes, but I am going to make a point to ask for help and try to do better. While blogging, the Fruit of the Spirit came to mind, normally not something I think about, but obviously it's in my head for a reason. I don't know where the Fruits of the Spirit are in the Bible and I'm not going to click over to Google it because I vaguely remember a song from going to vacation bible school when I was a kid. It goes a somethin like this, and a 1 and a 2: You gotta have Love, Joy, Peace, Patience and Kindness for this is the fruit of God's *clap* spirit...You gotta have Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control for this is the fruit of God's *clap* spirit...or something like that, it's been awhile! (I remembered when to clap though)...anywho...9 things I have to remember on a daily basis, that's surely not asking much!

LAUGH!

My favorite laugh B.M. (before Maggie) was Jenna's...
now Maggie's takes the cake!
It's so honest.
It's so fun.
It's so Her.
a LAUGH that could make me cry....now that's a good laugh! :)

New Tattoo

When getting my new tattoo , I thought, this is one of those moments I should have more of...I don't care what people think and I do it because I want to.

Southern Voice

His music makes me happy and these songs are brand new...

Now how do I tell Aj that ,later, I just wanna go drive around and be by myself and turn up the volume and roll down the windows and get lost in Tim?

Aj accepts my obsession, usually with a little rolling of the eyes, but he knows how far to push me when it comes to Tim.

Music is how feelings sound ...
and I've never been moved more by any other singer. I've never heard any other songs really that make my heart smile. It may sound creepy and weird to some, but If I could explain it, I would. I know it's not healthy, but I'm ok with it. It was I think 1996 or 1997 probably that I was, well, on the toilet and Jenna was playing music in her room getting ready, a guy was singing this song, and one of the higher notes he hit made me get goose bumps. I said "who the hell is that singing"? Jenna said "Tim McGraw". I said "Where has he been all my life'? Well no, I didn't say that, but I'm pretty sure I thunked it..because that was the start of me listening to Tim...and the start of me loving Country music. Before that day, I listened to pretty much rock and pop on the radio with no real connection to music.

So, Jenna and I are getting tattoos on Thursday...in honor of her 30th bday...like we did on my 30th bday...I got a star tattoo and so did she...She's getting a song verse and a music note...
My love of Tim's music is leaning me towards getting a music note too...which reminds me of Jenna since she started this madness! Maybe a little cowboy hat hanging on the music note? I can't tattoo a southern voice, so the best I can do is represent it....hmmmmm. It's so hard to decide, so until Thursday I'll be listening to Tim's new cd Southern Voice getting inspiration...
If I don't blog until after Thursday, it's because Aj let me go for a drive to listen to Tim and I haven't returned yet :) ha

wait wait wait, GOOD PARTY (bad restaurant)

Here's a little more positive spin on the Big 3-0 Bash...
*Maggie was awesome, she was so good, playing, following the bigger boys around, wanting to do what they were doing, she "let" people hold her and talk to her, she only cried once (the sucker stick and the plate thingy she was banging it on hit her in the eye), when I changed her in the bathroom she put her hand in the toilet water but hey, she was super cute and I just am so proud to be her Mommy. She has been good every day leading up to this party, she has just went along without saying a word(she talks, we just dont know what she's saying)...God probably knew I needed her to be a good little beebee:) She even got a Halloween present from her Great Grandpa and Dee, which I forgot to thank them for last night, but there were Little People in there that today she won't put down...good choice.
*Jenna was shocked, surprised, touched, put in her place and she cried...leading up to the party was hard for Jenna. She was thinking no one did anything for her bday...Man did we all have to lie alot. But we all made it, and we are alive. I forgave her for being a butt before it even happened, that's what sisters do.
*Stacey- traveled the farthest from Michigan, with the invite that had no directions in it, ha...she is Jenna's friend and just fits right in. She was missing her son though and decided not to stay the night at Jenna's, but no one can blaim her for that, I'd have done the same thing, if Maggie wasn't with me, I'd have drove home too:)
*Jenna got cards from alot of people, even out of town people, which was so awesome...Indy, KY, KS and CO...
*My cousin, who's dad has a restraining order against, who we love dearly...we love them all, they just don't play nice...he said he's not letting his parents get in the way anymore and missing out on family stuff, because he loves us and misses us. I didn't wanna say, well duh that's because we're the shit:) LOL...in all seriousness, I'm glad we pulled it off that they could all be there without a major incident...
*Even though Notre Dame was playing football and some people can't drag themselves away from the game or the tv, they still came to the party, I bet they called ahead to see if there was a tv! Even the tailgaters in the family came too, late, but they came, that's all that's important. We love you and your football addiction:)
*Jenna's church friends, well, you guys rock. You're not the typical 'church' people, you are damn cool. You love us even if we had beer and cussed:) HA HA HA. We won't call you church friends anymore, we'll just call you friends!
*Everyone has something that goes wrong in their life or they don't have alot of money or they have issues finding day care, hate their job, live with stress or health problems or whatever, but we saw you there with bells on and it didn't go un-noticed. We felt your love. :)
*Some people couldn't make the party because they were at a wedding, in Pennsylvania on business, at a band contest or what ever...we still love you too...but you missed a GOOD party!
*Will's little friend, Isaac, came in the party and says "Where's Will?"...He could have gave a crap about all the other people and the balloons and the cake and the tv and that's just as it should be, cuz Will has that effect on me too:)
*A friend's son, came in and said "Is this party for me?"...He was so serious and it was probably my favorite thing that happened in the beginning...kids are so innocent and clueless at times, but don't we all wanna walk into a room full of people, balloons, cake, tv with football on, pitchers of beer and say "Is this party for me?"

*Good Party. Good Friends. Good Family. GREAT SISTER.*

15% gratuity added

I don't even know where to start because I'm still so mad. They aren't, they are home not caring I'm sure. They...they are the owners, manager, and staff of Bruno's Pizza on Prairie Ave. Where to begin? Alright from the top...
8/20/09 I called and made a reservation for a party of 45-50 with Bruno's, I talked to some 'dude' that didn't seem to care I was calling, I even had to say "don't you want my name or a phone number or anything?"...so 2 days later, I called to see if he actually did his job and put me on the schedule...he answered all my questions when I called, but I was nervous. This time I got a girl, who was very nice, so it was obviously not Mama Bruno answering the phone...more on that later. I asked her my questions again and she assured me I was on the schedule. I asked her very specific questions:
1. Can we bring our own cake?
2. Can we bring our own decorations?
3. Do you have at least 4 high chairs because there will be kids coming?
4. Can each individual person or family buy their own dinner because on your website it states, you can pay $11.95 per head or order individual items off the menu...? I explained to her basically that I have no money to have a party, so I need to make sure each person can pay their own way!
All these questions were answered with "not a problem at all"...
UNTIL THE 45 PEOPLE ARE AT BRUNO'S ALL SITTING WAITING FOR JENNA, then it is a problem. The waitress, who didn't have a clue or look 21, says that the party has to be on one bill. I said No, I specifically asked when I made the reservation about this and was told it was ok. She said, all I can do is go and ask my manager. The manager comes up, with a smile, and says yeah I wish I knew who you talked to because we can't do that. She says it may be easier to have everyone pay $11.95 and get pizza, salad and a drink for everyone...um no, it wouldn't because again every was expecting to pay seperately...I said if not everyone in there brought cash, how do you expect to be paid?...I said, ok great I have $40, hope that covers 45 people's dinner...I said, I can't believe you cannot just seperate tickets. The best she could do was have each table be a seperate check. Mind you the major table sat 20 of the people probably. Yeah, thanks for the help, that's convenient. She pushed the $11.95 thing probably 4 times in our discussion too...HOW DOES THAT HELP?
Let's back up, when my mom and I got to Bruno's with the decorations and cake, we had to "waita 5a meenits"...so we wait, people are confused where are party is going to be seated, then some random girl walks by and says "they're upstairs"...which is thru a back hallway with leaks on the floor that have been covered up with pizza boxes...up stairs with NO light at the bottom to see where to step and there was a curved narrow step that could have killed someone...up creaky stairs into a room that looked ok to start with...just missing door handles, crusts of food on the floor probably from the previous nights partiers...and the bathroom had a closed up shower in it (just sayin)...so one question they did not ask me when I called is if everyone in our party could make it up narrow dark scary stairs...good thing we had no one in a wheelchair...the person who just had a knee replacement couldn't come, she would have never made it up the stairs, no joke...so with 8 minutes until Jenna is arriving...I'm crying...I'm so pissed off my vision was blurry...and when I get so mad, I cry...how embarrasing to number one not have the money to throw a party to begin with, but now the waitresses are telling people how the bills are going to be divided...I felt like such an ass, and it wasn't my fault. The other dumb waitress comes up to me, while I'm crying and says "Does everyone have their drinks?"...if I had it in me, I would have punched her in the face, but I just said "I don't know, you are the waitress." We had 2 waitresses for 45 people, yeah , that's not good. I ordered a pitcher of beer and I think after a half hour, about the time I'd forgotten I even ordered it, she comes at me with the pitcher and says "did you order a pitcher?"...I said "a half hour ago, thanks."
So Jenna comes in while I'm crying, and my aunt is telling me it'll all be ok, we'll all figure it out...I'm like oh, Jenna's here...I just back up so she can come into the room and everyone shouts "surprise"...Jenna gets this look on her face that was priceless, looks me dead in the eyes...then sees her best friend, Stacey, who drove from Michigan to be there, and Jenna starts to cry. Now, I cry cuz I'm happy seeing Jenna happy.
I believe everyone got fed somehow and I saw some smiles...I know the bill got paid...not sure exactly how that happened, I just threw in my $40 and said that's all I have...Ken, Bill and Delbert (all very nice guys) went down stairs to square up their table's bill and got hell from the cashier bitch for not just ordering on 3 seperate tickets????!! WHAT THE FUCK? YOU WOULDN'T LET US YOU DUMB OLD GREY HAIRED BITCH! To make matters worse, the customer lady behind them in the cashier's line I guess said something like "couldn't you guys have figured this out , this doesn't seem hard?"...Ken was FUMING...and I don't blaim him one bit, I would at this point probably went the fuck off, but I was upstairs...tending to Maggie and making sure my hubby got a piece of chocolate cake:)
Not until this morning, did I realize that $11.95 per person would have been WAY more than what we all paid last night on our 4 itemized not-so-individual bills...with sandwiches, pastas, garlic breads, pizzas, salad and alcohol...15% gratuity added...the bill was like $270...$11.95 for 45 people..well you do the math. If you've read my previous blogs, you and I both know I suck at math! So now, what do I do with this anger. I will never have a party at Bruno's again, I will never order a pizza from there again, and I'm still very mad...do I write them a letter? Would they even care? Probably not, cuz their business was booming despite their crappy attitudes, bad service and health department regulation breaking pizza boxes covering the leaks all over the floor...people come from all over to go to Bruno's I guess, domers come there after the games...so my little letter about our pathetic don't-gots-no-money ass won't do a damn thing.
AND IF ANYONE LEFT A TIP LAST NIGHT NOT KNOWING THE 15% NOT DESERVED-GRATUITY WAS ADDED IN OUR BILL, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND PUNCH YOU...well no, I won't but I hope God will bless you with getting that money back somehow...ugh

Mom Speak...

"Maggie, your balls are loud"!!

"Honey if you push his paw or hand or whatever, Elmo will talk to you"

"Give me your tootbugs and I'll put on your piggies"

"Time to change your butt"



If you don't know what I'm saying, or don't understand, or don't laugh....well...you don't have a kid:)

Spaghetti again?

I don't like to cook and I'm ok with it...I really do not enjoy the act of cooking, once I'm started, I'm ok, it's almost fun, I get a mental break and I'm just by myself in the kitchen...creating...maybe that's how I should look at it.
It's not cooking, it's creating something, start to finish...
I don't like grocery shopping either. One of my friend's LOVES the grocery store, I don't get it.
Lately to come up with something to cook for dinner besides the normal every day spaghetti...I've taken to looking in a cookbook, see what sounds good, and I make it. Some have been great, some have been...how does Aj put it? "It's good but I'd rather not eat that again"!!
I have a pretty easy audience too, Aj is not really picky. He will eat just about anything I set in front of him. So why do I find myself at least every other day dreading the oh shit, what am I gonna make for dinner?! Today I was all excited because I was going to make chicken stroganoff in the crock pot, has to cook for at least 4 hrs, but here I sit blogging instead of cooking, it's almost 3:00, so dinner won't be done until when? Yeah, guess it'll be a later dinner or I'll make that tomorrow....what to do? Feels like a Denny's night, wait Denny's closed, Spaghetti it is!

I'm a thief

I LOVE reading others' blogs, I love reading books, I love watching TV and I love watching movies...BUT
here's the thing, I steal things from them...I want to make them a part of me. I want to use lines from movies, I think it's funny. I want to cry when I read a book because I'm there with them. I want to steal other's blog ideas cuz they have made me think of me somehow. It's not that I can't come up with something on my own necessarily but it sparks something in me...is it actually stealing? or just being inspired?
So if you are reading my blog, by chance, and you say hey wait, i've done that, well you probably have and I have tweaked it to be my own...don't be mad or angry with me, know you've touched my life in some little way:) and THAT should make you happy I'm a thief:)

home crap home

I was thinking of the movie Money Pit...then I look around my house and here's what I see that needs to be done. I'm not complaining. I have a great little house. These are just things I need to do, want to do, should have done already or need money to do:
Front porch leans and half the windows don't close unless you have serious strength to shut them, really needs paint.
Living room needs curtains.
Dining room curtains need a major bath.
Carpets need to be cleaned.
Kitchen, oh my...I need a new, bigger kitchen! I have a gold stove, still works but not right. Dishwasher is new but should have returned it when it was still under warrantee, Aj is trying to make it work...the fridge sounds like there's a monster in there trying to get out. The floor would be super nice If I fuckin' mopped it! Don't wanna. Along the lines of the don't wanna, I never wanna clean the bathrooms! Seriously the thought of it, well, lets just say I'm a sucky house cleaner when it comes to that, I put it off until I can't stand it anymore, or my sister says something along the lines of, Um, Kenj, disgusting! You don't have to worry I clean the duh obvious parts that would affect you if you stop by to use my john...it's the tub and floor you shouldn't eat off of! Ha, and if you were to do that anyways in a bathroom, you've got more problems than I have time to discuss right now:)
Windows throughout the house need updating, huge expense. Draft coming thru that moves the plastic that is still on from last winter, why take them down now? It's almost winter again!!
Back door doesn't shut if it's not locked...
Downstairs needs to be finished, ha. Now that's funny...and right now there's a tiny little lake that needs sopping up. Fabulous.
Home Crap Home!

Mom Speak

Periodically, I'm going to just put a few phrases in my blog...these are phrases that you would never have imagined in a million years you'd say. These sentences will never be in any English classes. If someone were just learning English, this would be a nightmare. My sister and I would love to write a book with these in it...With kids, comes Mom Speak, yes, that's what we're gonna call it.

Set down your monkey and get out of the fish bowl.

Don't use the banana to wipe your butt.

Stop jumping on the remote.

Enjoy!

work in progress

I feel like I'm such a different person than I was in say High School. I remember being really "jolly" for lack of a better term. I didn't feel anxious about much of anything. I remember not getting annoyed so easily. I remember feeling ok just being me. Why with age does this seem harder. I thought with age you become more of who you really are. I feel on most days that I'm content but there's something else nagging at me...what is it exactly? If I knew, I'd "fix" it. Is it always going to be there? Is it something I'm supposed to understand? If it's you God, I need a better painted picture or a kick in the head. I don't think I've heard the voice of God ever. I feel like I get a nudge to make a decision or a "gut instinct" to not do something...but do I hear an actual voice? No. Do people just say that cuz it's the right thing to say? Or do they actually "hear" a voice that tells them what to do or not do? I've read so many magazine articles where someone says "that was the day I changed my life" or "it was my ah ha moment"...maybe mine just isn't here yet...I could not feel complete and be a work in progress for the rest of my earthly life....now that is a thought too deep to ponder at the moment...we'll come back to that some other time (maybe). For now, I'm going to read my book and dive into someone else's world...cuz I can.

Still hungry? Eat more veggies and fruit.

So, I'm a fat ass.
I weigh more now than when I went to the hospital to have Maggie. Then I was huge, now I'm hugER!
Here's the thing, I don't like to exercise and I like to eat. Is that such a crime? Well yes, it is. Because I let how I look get to me. I'm not happy being a fatty fatty 2 by 4 can't fit thru the dressing room door...well not that bad ,YET, anyway! I have a back that hurts most days out of the week, I use it as an excuse to lay around, when in actuality, I'm sure only makes it worse. If I could get some of this fat off my gut, my back would thank me.
I need to be a healthy person to lead by example for Maggie, I need to lose 77 lbs. It's a number, I shouldn't focus on a number, but nothing else is seeming to work for me. I say, Oh I'll change a few little things and nothing happens. I start walking, take 2 days off and say what's the point?!No, the point is to not quit, just get out there the next day. Just make me a priority. I used having a baby as an excuse too. I can come up with some pretty good excuses to be fat. But then it makes me sad, why would I continue to be this way? I couldn't even tell you how many times I've not wanted to go somewhere because of the fear of running into someone and them seeing me like this. Two people, that I know of, have asked if I'm pregnant. First time , I was in shock. Second time, I came home and thought, well no shit, I do look pregnant. I have a huge f'in belly. Who else has a huge belly except pregnant woman?! Anywho, I'm supposed to weigh between 111 and 150. I haven't been 111 in my entire life, so obviously that isn't for me. But I was 140 in high school, playing 3 sports and eating whatever I wanted. So I'm a guessin' now I'd be pretty damn happy with 150! What a nice cute sounding number. I've never wanted to be a rail, I have hips, I have boobs, I would call myself thick...150 hot! I don't wanna shop in fat girl stores anymore, I don't wanna buy clothes that have 2 digits and If it happens to be two digits, those digits better start with a 1 instead of a 2 for the love of everything. So I read diet and exercise crap online yesterday, I learned alot, I need to change alot, I need to make my health a habit. After eating the recommeded calories for me to lose 2 lbs a week, if I'm still hungry, they said, Eat more veggies and fruit! They get paid the big bucks, cuz I would not have ever thought of this. I would have complained and ate a bowl full of doritoes and fell off the band wagon in about a week....This is not something that is apparently ingrained in me, but I would like it to be. I wanna move every day and eat so I don't feel guilt. This should be easy. I already have anxiety and feelings of loss...loss over food. That is sad! I'm not losing food, I can eat veggies and fruit, but why do I feel like part of me is grieving. It's a weird feeling. I don't think anyone skinny would understand. My feeling sexy , good about myself, not embarrased to be seen by someone from my past, losing this chin, not having someone think I'm pregnant, buying non fat person clothes, and god forbid not feeling tired and schlubby all the time...these are things I want, I don't wanna hold myself back anymore because I'm a fat ass! I'm worth it, only 77 lbs to go! All this pouring out of my fat soul has made me hungry...I think I'll go eat some peas, oh wait, I have no veggies in the house...maybe a banana, oh wait, they all went bad before I ate them...apparently I need to go to the store! Ugh.

Cop's Wife?!

On a daily basis, I forget I'm married to a cop. He works 10pm-6am, which is when I'm asleep. Maybe that is why it is not really something I think about, but then...last night a drunk bastard head butts him in his eye...I know it's not life threatening and it could be a lot worse, but how dare you? His eye is black and swollen shut! He is a cop. I could never do his job, never. I am not the run into the fight to break it up kind of girl, that is for sure. I would run the other way from some of the shit my hubby has to be right in the center of. Cops get a bad rap. The news shows only when cops fuck up. That's not fair, on a daily basis there are tons of GOOD cops, doing their job, keeping us safe, taking a beating or god forbid even getting killed trying to do all this!! Aj works in the dark with bad people while I am asleep...THANK GOD FOR HIM and all the others out there, without them, I really would hate to see how the world would be. I've heard so many people say "I hate cops"...how can you say that? Oh , right, when the cops "catch" you doing something wrong, then you hate THEM. Blaim yourself butthole. Do right things, cops leave you alone. duh. Seems pretty simple to me. Cops don't make the laws, they just try inforce them. If you break a law, it's the cops duty to tell you hey dumbass, stop it! You just wait for the day when you NEED a cop to help you, then I hope you realized you don't hate cops. My cop has to 'suit' up and load his gun before stepping out the door for work, what do you do? Light up your cig, turn on your tunes and drive to work without a care in the world? You're able to do that because of the things you don't see going on that cops put up with! Man, the longer I write, the more pissed I'm getting...anywho, moral of the story, I'm married to a cop, it scares the bejeeberz out of me, and if anyone so as looks at him in a way I don't like, well, you're lucky it's illegal for me to kill you! :) I'm proud of my husband. I think what he does is insane, but I support him 100% because he's known since he was a little bugger that this is what he wanted to do. He's a cop and my husband and I love him for both!

fluffer

I hold the record for fluffing the same load of laundry in the dryer 6 times. No shit. 6 times. I rule! It can't be good for the clothes, yet, I do it. I'm sorry threads, I'll try to be better. Please forgive me.