work in progress

I feel like I'm such a different person than I was in say High School. I remember being really "jolly" for lack of a better term. I didn't feel anxious about much of anything. I remember not getting annoyed so easily. I remember feeling ok just being me. Why with age does this seem harder. I thought with age you become more of who you really are. I feel on most days that I'm content but there's something else nagging at me...what is it exactly? If I knew, I'd "fix" it. Is it always going to be there? Is it something I'm supposed to understand? If it's you God, I need a better painted picture or a kick in the head. I don't think I've heard the voice of God ever. I feel like I get a nudge to make a decision or a "gut instinct" to not do something...but do I hear an actual voice? No. Do people just say that cuz it's the right thing to say? Or do they actually "hear" a voice that tells them what to do or not do? I've read so many magazine articles where someone says "that was the day I changed my life" or "it was my ah ha moment"...maybe mine just isn't here yet...I could not feel complete and be a work in progress for the rest of my earthly life....now that is a thought too deep to ponder at the moment...we'll come back to that some other time (maybe). For now, I'm going to read my book and dive into someone else's world...cuz I can.